by Amy | Feb 26, 2019 | mama confessions
I have some posts in my head. But I can’t write them now. I need more time. I need more focus. Right now feels foggy and blurry and heavy. Right now, I’m at the edge of a cliff overlooking some decisions that will change our family’s lives — hopefully for the better. But they’re hard decisions that I need time and mental space to focus on.
Friends, if you’ve known me for a while, you know I love to write, and this blog has been my on again off again baby for several years. As I’m driving, as I’m cleaning, as I’m falling asleep and as I’m waking up, I am thinking about conversations I want to have with this blog and issues I want to settle for myself and for others once and for all. I’ve got…high hopes!
The post I wanted to write today was about my little sabotagers. Sometimes, those little sabotagers are my sweet little kids who decide for whatever reason not to go to school and take up my whole day with their requests for more yogurt or that candy stash in the back of the pantry.
Other sabotagers are things like notifications on my phone that pop up when I’m trying to work and voluntary impulses to check and see what’s happening on Facebook or Instagram for “just a minute”.
The other post that’s been reeling over and over again in my brain has to do with “me time” and what that looks like. How we, as moms, do need to practice self care and take time for ourselves, but how that can become an idol in and of itself. This is a post I did a talk on with a MOPS group in Round Rock, and tears were flowing, Baby!!
The other thing I wanted to address (man, I’ve got a lot of ideas) in an upcoming post is how much we moms are hearing the message that we can “do it all” and “have it all”…but I feel we really sacrifice some important things in our lives if we don’t recognize what we’re actually giving up to achieve this.
And lastly, for now anyways, is the post I want to write about being your authentic self and not falling for the ideas, attitudes, fashion sense, interests and home decor ideals we see in others within either our current social setting or what we think things should look like based on what we see on Pinterest.
Lots of ideas and input here, my friends. And I can’t wait for you to tune in and share your thoughts with me.
xoxo,
Amy
by Amy | Feb 24, 2019 | mama confessions
This morning I woke up a lot like most mornings here lately. I have been feeling really uncertain about how I should be living, working, creating, parenting, wife-ing and how I should proceed in just about everything I’ve been doing up til now.
Truth be told, I’m super frustrated with being in limbo. I know there are possibilities, but I’ve felt stuck and uncertain for far too long.
This past weekend, I was supposed to have performed with Conspirare and the Austin Symphony in the Brahms Requiem at the Long Center here in Austin, TX. However, the week prior to a long week of rehearsals and two back-to-back performances, I came down with a viral infection that zapped my energy, then my voice and later, my lungs.
I was really bummed out and emotional about not being able to perform, but the whole incident caused me to take a step back and evaluate what I was really doing with all of this and where it was taking me. I’ll explain:
Up til 2016, when my husband and I went through our “crisis of a lifetime,” working and trying to continue singing wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Yes, I missed singing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shot through the heart every time a former colleague would post their singing experiences in front of me on social media. I know. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But it was hard. However, I felt I had adjusted nicely to the role of stay-at-home-and-pour-everything-you’ve-got-into-your-kids Mom. I really embraced it actually. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that role with any endeavor that took away from them — even if it meant sacrificing a huge piece of me — singing!
Fast forward to now. I now have 3 youngish kids. I say youngish, because they aren’t babies anymore. They are 10, 7 and 5 and able to put on their own clothes, wipe their own butts and sass at us if they don’t like what we’ve asked them to do. In many ways, it feels like we’ve achieved a certain level of freedom after 10 years of being in the baby phase of being up all night, changing diapers and toddlers walking around trying to kill themselves and destroy everything around them. But we aren’t out of the woods just yet. As much as I would love to sing and be a part of amazing, creative ventures out there in the world, my role as a mother to these kids is far more important (and in many ways, urgent) than the role I play as a singer.
There are so many ideas on this, and I don’t wish to be controversial. I know we women have as much of a right to pursue our dreams and goals as men do. But I think we, as mothers of young and even youngish children, have a special, and very important mission: To train our children in the way they should go. And I also feel that this time we are required to do that goes by so quickly. Why miss out because we have a right?!
So, here’s my current goal: to honor God in raising my children in the way they should go. Even if that means putting aside my dreams and goals or pursuing those dreams and goals on the fringe of our lives and not during prime time hours of our days or weekends when they are home, still under my roof and really want to be with me. Call me soft. Call me a wimp. Tell me anything you want to tell me about how I should do what I have been gifted to do. But I know what I know. And that is that God has gifted me with these 3 beautiful children I love with all my heart. And if I trust God with His will for my life, I know He will make it all work together for good if I do my job as a Mom to the best of my ability.
For me, that means not spreading myself too thin. It means saying “no” sometimes to things I’d love to be a part of. It means sacrificing my dreams for His higher purpose. And don’t be fooled into thinking working Moms who do it all aren’t sacrificing something. It all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice, right? If I’m out there pursuing my dreams as a singer, I may be doing what I want to do and filling my cup in some way, but I’m also sacrificing being there for my kids who still need me to be there for them. I sacrifice time away from my husband. I sacrifice a peaceful home. I sacrifice rest.
So, anytime you’re tempted to believe that the women out there who are “doing it all” actually “have it all” without sacrificing some pretty important things, stop for a minute and really think about it. Then break down what it looks like for you to pursue your dreams at this moment.
The best advice I got recently when I was lamenting over this was from an elderly friend who also had a singing career prior to having children. She said that she never regretted taking the time off from singing to raise her children. But she would have really regretted not being there for her children — even if it meant singing on the greatest stages in all the world.
I believe her.
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