I’m coming to the table today with nothin’.  Nothin’ but commiseration, that is.  Summer hit and my momentum went out the door along with spilled milk all over my already dirty floors, chaos and clutter to clean up EVERYWHERE, cutting up watermelon into the perfect, bite-sized cubes, making lemonade by the gallon, fighting off my children’s tendency toward t.v. and tablets in lieu of water guns, bubbles and bike rides…and of course, family trips to the beach.  I’m trying to savor this time with my children since I love summer and I love having them home.  Well, sort of.  🙂  No, I really do.  And I keep thinking, “This is the reason why I’m doing all this, right?  This is why I’m working my butt off and trying to make this work:  For my family!”  But finding time to work and think and create and build momentum in my business has quickly become a notion that has way too easily slipped out of my unmoisturized fingers and into the long-forgotten crevices behind my couch cushions.  No matter how much I’ve tried to plan ahead and how much I’ve tried to prepare for this moment, I apparently just didn’t plan enough and prepare myself (and my children) for the fact that things have changed in our family, and Mommy is now a Working Mommy.  It’s that simple.  I didn’t plan for my work time.  I’ve been so busy keeping my 3 children busy and out of trouble and tending to all their constant (and many) needs that I didn’t actively plan to have down time where someone else was taking care of them, and I was working and continuing to create and keep this business thing going.  It’s OK.  Lesson learned.  There’s still time to recuperate and regain momentum and pick myself back up again (off the sandy beaches and sticky, milk-laden kitchen floors).  But, note to self:  This is hard to do once the momentum’s been lost!

I write this, not because it’s some epic post that lays out all the wisdom and all the steps to overcome obstacles and small business hurdles.  But I write it out of a special empathetic place in my heart that wishes to relate to my readers who are also struggling to build and keep momentum in their businesses in the face of summer and crazy, chaotic households.  They say the first year of any business is the hardest to get started and to keep going.  The money isn’t really flowing in just yet.  The creativity and drive are there, but the structure and honed skills and exact niche isn’t quite put together yet.  That’s where I am.  Right in the center of it.  I don’t exactly have customers who are expecting my work to be done and paying me.  Yet.  So now is the time when I need to produce anyway — even when I feel that no one is noticing.  Even when I don’t have the time I had while all the kids were in school.  Now is the time to get my proverbial $h!t together and get ‘er done in the face of a loud house and a silent, rather inactive customer base.  Now is the time to build the framework and foundation, despite the uncertainty that it will ever produce anything.

I knew this would be hard.  I knew there would be challenges.  But I didn’t know that I would actually be the biggest challenge.  My mind.  My inner dialogue.  My own lack of planning.  My own uncertainty about what it is I’m trying to accomplish.  My own self-defeat.  My own self-doubt.

I had a conversation with one of my Mommy friends while our kids were playing alongside us at the pool the other day.  She and I hadn’t seen each other or caught up in a while, and I was trying to explain to her what I have been doing after I quit my desk job at Apple.  Usually, I make it a rule not to go into much detail about what I’m doing because I personally don’t handle other people’s uncertainty or genuine concern very well.  I feel it’s better kept under wraps until I’m a little further along and producing something that is tangible in my business.  But her comments, while innocent and supportive, really got to me.  She said, “Wow.  It sounds like you’re still in the phase of self-discovery and figuring this all out.  That’s so awesome what you’re trying to do.”  What she said was really sweet and from a good place.  But how I took it threw me off.  “Self discovery?”  “What I’m trying to do???”  Those phrases made me question everything!  Funny how a 5 minute conversation can conger up so many insecurities.  It was good.  Don’t get me wrong.  And in a way, she’s right.  I’m not there yet.  I am trying to do something.  I’m doing the work.  I’m learning.  But I haven’t quite figured out what my exact niche is just yet here.  I know it will come.  But this questioning phase that I’m going through is real.  It is hard.  It is causing me to second guess everything.  Is this the right path?  Am I really passionate about this?  So what if I spent a pretty good-sized portion of my life learning how to sing and teach voice lessons.  Is this REALLY what I want to do?  And bigger yet, is this something I can REALLY earn money doing online?  Do I know enough?  Am I known enough for people to want to learn from me?  Who really cares what little ol’ me has to say?  Who in the world will pay attention and actually buy my product?  My service?  My course?  What if I spend countless hours and a great deal of money working on this and don’t get anywhere with it?  What if no one shows up to buy?

And the answer to all these questions is simply:  I’m not sure.

And you know why I’m most likely not sure?  I haven’t been working on my business diligently for a few weeks.  I’m not really in the game, so to speak.  I haven’t been investing my heart, mind and soul in this and giving it my all.  These circumstances haven’t been completely out of my hands, but somehow, I don’t feel like I can really control them.  I mean, how do you justify hiring a babysitter to watch your kids while you work when you’re not really earning anything?  This is their summer too.  I need to be there for them, right?

So, sure I’m going to feel some amount of uncertainty! And sure I’m going to question myself and everything I’ve been working hard at doing prior to this summer whirlwind!  It’s just not where my heart is right now.

Even while writing this post, I’ve had kids interrupting me asking me questions.  I’ve had my 3-year-old little girl pushing buttons on my computer about to delete the whole post and I’ve tried to move her hand and caused her to cry and have a complete meltdown that I needed to calm her down from.

The list is long, but the time I truly have to knock it out is so short.

Exhaustion.

Frustration.

Defeat.

Those are all words that come to mind here lately when it comes to my business.  And I’m just being honest.

Because, yes, I’d love to savor my children’s youth and play with them and do all the summer things and make memories.  But I also need to create an income that I can do from my computer and a few pieces of purchased equipment so I can be home with them and do these things.  I’ve felt the pain of working full time away from them.  I don’t ever want to go back there again.  But if I don’t get disciplined and figure this work from home thing out, I may soon have to.  That’s a lot of pressure!

So, today I’m brushing off the blowing off.  I’m coming out of vacation mode and getting serious again.  I’m finding my groove and not just making time for this business — this newborn baby that needs to be fed, changed, held carefully and loved — but I’m fighting for it with all my gusto.  And today…this post, is my new beginning.  Clean slate.  I’ve got to make this work.  And if you’re still reading this, I have a feeling you do too!

I want to encourage you today, whether you’ve fallen off a bit or taken your vacation time a little too loosely:  Don’t give up!  Make time.  Cultivate and create.  Dream.  Plan ahead.  Create the space.  And get back to work!

You can do it, and so can I!

xoxo,

Your Fellow Unleasher

What are some ways you personally feel like you’ve fallen off and lost momentum?

Let me know in the comments below…

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