Whether it’s on the playground, at a birthday party or over a glass of wine with a good friend, there always seems to be a common theme in our conversation: Time. Or the lack thereof.
Everyone is pressed for time. But Moms seem to be pressed for time about a billion times more than anyone else I know. I mean, I didn’t do any scientific research there, but I’m pretty sure my estimate is accurate. No offense if you’re super busy and you’re NOT a Mom. Really. Are you offended that I said this? Sorry.
But here’s the deal, for many of us Moms, our goals and dreams don’t go away just because we have umpteen kids we have to feed. Again, that’s an exaggeration. I just have 3. THREEEEEEEE!!! They are beautiful children who I adore and love spending time with. But let’s face it, when they’re around, it’s not like I can just go work on my blog, paint, journal, learn a new skill or achieve tasks that require concentration. Actually, I’m happy if I can go to the bathroom for one minute without hearing someone try to murder someone else in the next room.
However, even though the odds tend to be against us, we see more and more Moms getting &h!t done and achieving their dreams than ever before. “How in the actual world is this possible????” you ask?
Well, while I don’t have all the answers, I think there are some pretty tried and true commonalities among Moms who are able to make their lives work really well for themselves and their families on the fringe of their hectic, busy days, and I want to share those with you here today on the blog and talk about them next week on our upcoming podcast series entitled “Mom on the Fringe”.
brainstorming sesh
But before we get started, I want you to think about who you admire and what they are doing. Now, you might admire a lot of people for different reasons, but as you read this, I want you to think of someone in your life who seems to have it all sort of figured out. I mean, this person might not be perfect. Who is? But she seems to have found her niche, her passion, her higher purpose, and she is making it work for herself and her family. Can you get a visual? Now, before you go off dreaming this person up, I want you to actually know her and not just follow her on social media platforms. I want you to know her struggles as well as her successes. Do you know this person really well? Is she someone you could call up and ask about how she does it all? Because if you don’t know her, you might have a preconceived idea of who she is and not really have the back end of how her life is actually going. The point is, I want this to be a real person.
OK! So now we have her. Is she doing something you think you might like to do? What is it about her life that makes you admire her or even want to emulate her? Try not to just think about outward appearance, although, it’s not wrong to admire another woman’s beauty or style. But I want you to think a little deeper about what makes this person so special.
Is she in really good shape?
Does she seem to be organized?
Does she cook delicious, fancy meals?
Is she outgoing, prolific or talented in some way?
Is she successful at her business?
Is she great at decorating her home?
Does she seem to be really spiritual and have a good handle on her beliefs and how she lives those beliefs out in her daily life?
Does she have a thriving marriage?
Now, I’ll post about this topic and speak about it on my podcast as we go through this series, but I want you to think in terms of admiration and not jealousy. We are specifically talking about traits you admire, K?
What stands out to you?
Now I want you to do a little digging. I want you to get out a piece of blank paper and your favorite pen (doesn’t everyone have a favorite pen?) and write down anything that comes to mind about whatever it is you would like to be more of or have in your life. If you’ve never created a dream board or brainstormed, this exercise might feel silly, but bear with me…your dreams are not a waste of time. And this process will eventually get us somewhere. I promise.
Did you do it? If you didn’t, don’t read another line of this blog post!!!
Did you do it now?
OK. What did your brainstorming paper say? Were you honest with yourself? No answer on that paper is wrong. What are the things that stand out to you?? I want you to circle them. I want you to focus on them. I want you to think about them. A lot.
What would your life look like if you were able to incorporate the top 5 things you wrote down in your life THIS YEAR?! What would your life look like if you were even able to make ONE of these things happen?
It’s completely doable, Friend. It’s just a matter of putting all the steps in place to get there.
Whether it’s on the playground, at a birthday party or over a glass of wine with a good friend, there always seems to be a common theme in our conversation: Time. Or the lack thereof.
Everyone is pressed for time. But Moms seem to be pressed for time about a billion times more than anyone else I know. I mean, I didn’t do any scientific research there, but I’m pretty sure my estimate is accurate. No offense if you’re super busy and you’re NOT a Mom. Really. Are you offended that I said this? Sorry.
But here’s the deal, for many of us Moms, our goals and dreams don’t go away just because we have umpteen kids we have to feed. Again, that’s an exaggeration. I just have 3. THREEEEEEEE!!! They are beautiful children who I adore and love spending time with. But let’s face it, when they’re around, it’s not like I can just go work on my blog, paint, journal, learn a new skill or achieve tasks that require concentration. Actually, I’m happy if I can go to the bathroom for one minute without hearing someone try to murder someone else in the next room.
However, even though the odds tend to be against us, we see more and more Moms getting &h!t done and achieving their dreams than ever before. “How in the actual world is this possible????” you ask?
Well, while I don’t have all the answers, I think there are some pretty tried and true commonalities among Moms who are able to make their lives work really well for themselves and their families on the fringe of their hectic, busy days, and I want to share those with you here today on the blog and talk about them next week on our upcoming podcast series entitled “Mom on the Fringe”.
brainstorming sesh
But before we get started, I want you to think about who you admire and what they are doing. Now, you might admire a lot of people for different reasons, but as you read this, I want you to think of someone in your life who seems to have it all sort of figured out. I mean, this person might not be perfect. Who is? But she seems to have found her niche, her passion, her higher purpose, and she is making it work for herself and her family. Can you get a visual? Now, before you go off dreaming this person up, I want you to actually know her and not just follow her on social media platforms. I want you to know her struggles as well as her successes. Do you know this person really well? Is she someone you could call up and ask about how she does it all? Because if you don’t know her, you might have a preconceived idea of who she is and not really have the back end of how her life is actually going. The point is, I want this to be a real person.
OK! So now we have her. Is she doing something you think you might like to do? What is it about her life that makes you admire her or even want to emulate her? Try not to just think about outward appearance, although, it’s not wrong to admire another woman’s beauty or style. But I want you to think a little deeper about what makes this person so special.
Is she in really good shape?
Does she seem to be organized?
Does she cook delicious, fancy meals?
Is she outgoing, prolific or talented in some way?
Is she successful at her business?
Is she great at decorating her home?
Does she seem to be really spiritual and have a good handle on her beliefs and how she lives those beliefs out in her daily life?
Does she have a thriving marriage?
Now, I’ll post about this topic and speak about it on my podcast as we go through this series, but I want you to think in terms of admiration and not jealousy. We are specifically talking about traits you admire, K?
What stands out to you?
Now I want you to do a little digging. I want you to get out a piece of blank paper and your favorite pen (doesn’t everyone have a favorite pen?) and write down anything that comes to mind about whatever it is you would like to be more of or have in your life. If you’ve never created a dream board or brainstormed, this exercise might feel silly, but bear with me…your dreams are not a waste of time. And this process will eventually get us somewhere. I promise.
Did you do it? If you didn’t, don’t read another line of this blog post!!!
Did you do it now?
OK. What did your brainstorming paper say? Were you honest with yourself? No answer on that paper is wrong. What are the things that stand out to you?? I want you to circle them. I want you to focus on them. I want you to think about them. A lot.
What would your life look like if you were able to incorporate the top 5 things you wrote down in your life THIS YEAR?! What would your life look like if you were even able to make ONE of these things happen?
It’s completely doable, Friend. It’s just a matter of putting all the steps in place to get there.
I have some posts in my head. But I can’t write them now. I need more time. I need more focus. Right now feels foggy and blurry and heavy. Right now, I’m at the edge of a cliff overlooking some decisions that will change our family’s lives — hopefully for the better. But they’re hard decisions that I need time and mental space to focus on.
Friends, if you’ve known me for a while, you know I love to write, and this blog has been my on again off again baby for several years. As I’m driving, as I’m cleaning, as I’m falling asleep and as I’m waking up, I am thinking about conversations I want to have with this blog and issues I want to settle for myself and for others once and for all. I’ve got…high hopes!
The post I wanted to write today was about my little sabotagers. Sometimes, those little sabotagers are my sweet little kids who decide for whatever reason not to go to school and take up my whole day with their requests for more yogurt or that candy stash in the back of the pantry.
Other sabotagers are things like notifications on my phone that pop up when I’m trying to work and voluntary impulses to check and see what’s happening on Facebook or Instagram for “just a minute”.
The other post that’s been reeling over and over again in my brain has to do with “me time” and what that looks like. How we, as moms, do need to practice self care and take time for ourselves, but how that can become an idol in and of itself. This is a post I did a talk on with a MOPS group in Round Rock, and tears were flowing, Baby!!
The other thing I wanted to address (man, I’ve got a lot of ideas) in an upcoming post is how much we moms are hearing the message that we can “do it all” and “have it all”…but I feel we really sacrifice some important things in our lives if we don’t recognize what we’re actually giving up to achieve this.
And lastly, for now anyways, is the post I want to write about being your authentic self and not falling for the ideas, attitudes, fashion sense, interests and home decor ideals we see in others within either our current social setting or what we think things should look like based on what we see on Pinterest.
Lots of ideas and input here, my friends. And I can’t wait for you to tune in and share your thoughts with me.
And yes, we EVEN need people we disagree with or don’t necessarily share the same political, religious or mask-wearing/not-wearing views with.
In the history of humans, we desire interactions with other humans.
It’s who we are.
But here’s the deal:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been in quarantine/under lockdown/following “Stay Home” orders for the past 60+ days, and unless we are working with others outside our home, many of us…most of us aren’t communing with others on a day-to-day basis like we used to anymore.
And this isn’t good. Not good at all.
But guess what we ARE doing?
You guessed it.
We’re going on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and we’re watching news that we sorta, kinda trust and consuming articles that very often only strengthen and very seldom challenge our own current views and stances.
And then guess what we’re doing?
You guessed it.
We’re feeling conviction. We’re feeling anger. We’re feeling sad and helpless. And in the midst of it all, a deep need to connect. We’re feeling the need to have a conversation. Both good ones and bad ones. We are human.
We are…feeling.
And…we are bored.
So what do we do?
Instead of picking up the phone or going outside on our front porch and having a friendly conversation six feet away from our neighbor and chatting openly and honestly about what we feel and think and have heard…
We click a button called “Share”.
We “repost” another person’s ideas that closely aligns with our own.
We throw our thoughts and ideas out there hoping for connection.
We hope for the best, but expect the worst.
We feel encouraged by those who agree and like our post.
We feel deflated and angry by the ones who argue and talk about their viewpoints that directly or indirectly go against our own.
We feel validated by those who agree with us and vindicated in never speaking to people who disagree with us again.
Even when those people are OUR FAMILY!
Even when those people are close friends we love.
Even when those people had never meant us no harm before this conversation, this post, this thread.
But now. Now they’ve gone and done it. It’s SO over!
Guys, we have become so incredibly polarized, haven’t we?
I truly believe “social distancing” is making us socially awkward.
But this was a problem long before these orders went into place.
This was a problem long before quarantined lockdown.
Being isolated just made it all that much more apparent and tangible.
Don’t you see it?
We have moved past the point of decent, human interaction into a state of isolated, angry chaos.
And here’s the kicker:
I don’t care what side of things you’re on, there’s one thing I do know: if you all came to my house and sat around a table together over good food and wine, you’d laugh off your differences and cherish the bond of your relationship more than the side you are on.
I guarantee it.
You would.
How do I know this?
This is ALMOST ALWAYS the case, Friend.
I can be angry, hurt, frustrated, disappointed very easily with someone if I have lost a regular connection with them. In my mind, I’ve conjured up all these ideas about what’s really going on, why they’re avoiding me, what I said the last time we were together, why they didn’t “like” my post or reply to my message and that they must not be interested in still being my friend…or maybe they never were?
You may be thinking, “Good grief! What a whack job!” Or, you may be laughing by this point because you can relate.
But here’s the thing…almost ALWAYS, once we reconnect and chat again — usually in person — I’m reminded of the close bond we have and realize that all of my foolish hypotheticals were just in my head. And even if there was some unresolved tension or situation that needed to be discussed and resolved, it doesn’t take long, in person, to rectify the wrong and resume our relationship in a much stronger place than it was before.
Just recently, for instance, before the Coronavirus hit us and threw us into an isolated state of crazy, I had been feeling a bit agitated and sad over a friendship that I felt had gone a bit south. This friend and I had shared a lot of beautiful memories together and I felt a true kinship with her. But life got busy. Our worlds separated a bit. Invitations didn’t get accepted. Calls didn’t get returned. And before I knew it, I was feeling, well, icky and hurt and confused. I dwelt on it a bit, griped about her unresponsiveness to myself, felt tempted to write her off…and then, finally, enough was enough. I got up the courage and finally texted her and said, “We need to talk.” When we talked on the phone that afternoon, my feelings spilled out and she immediately told me all that had been going on in her life and how badly she felt that she had been so distant, but that she really loved me and missed me. She apologized for her lack of attention to our friendship and assured me she meant no harm. We hashed it out, so to speak, and that day, we mended what could have otherwise been lost.
Two months after that cathartic phone call, this same friend’s mother died unexpectedly. When she texted to tell me the sad news, I immediately called her and we sat and cried together. I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I sincerely felt her pain. I ached with her. We bonded over our grief yet again. But I would have never ever been able to be that person for her and feel that deep connection, had I allowed the hurt I was feeling just two months before to create a wedge and sever our friendship. Never.
Guys, I speak from a place of a lot of past conflict — both real and in my head. Both deliberately intended and completely unintended. I have lived to experience a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, break-ups, distancing, and messed up situations that caused me to lose sleep over how someone allegedly treated me or how I allegedly treated them. It’s sad but true. And I’m almost positive I’m not alone.
But unlike many people I know who seem to just write people — even FAMILY MEMBERS — off, because of their differing views or annoying habits, or hurt feelings or misunderstandings, I have learned, over time and a lot of reflection and prayer, that none of this conflict, imagined or real, was ever worth the price of the relationship itself. Ever.
So, I challenge you. I challenge myself: Give up strife. Give up resentment. Give up anger.
You can feel passionate about something and take a stand. I feel passionate about a lot of things.
You can still disagree with someone and love them. Isn’t that what we’re called to do?
You can still hold onto your views. Heck, you can even feel very dignified in having them. You can vehemently disagree over some hot topics and laugh over coffee. It’s possible. People used to do it all the time.
Don’t you remember?
This inability to disagree and still be closely bonded in our relationships is, quite literally, killing us more than any virus ever could. We are feeling isolated, defeated, hatred, animosity, anger, and it’s all justified.
But no matter what side of things you indignantly stand on, the need to be right over kind never got anybody anywhere.
So, if the state of things is just really getting to you and you hate that you feel so isolated and angry, call up a friend and talk to them — either on the phone or from a distance. Work out your issues. Resolve the tension. Make peace with the people you love before it eats away at you.
I promise you’ll be glad you did.
“He who loves transgression loves strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.”
This past weekend marked two weeks of being back on U.S. soil in the comfort of our own home and routine and daily activities, but I have to tell you something: I’m still struggling.
What am I struggling with exactly?
Well, everything.
For one, I haven’t managed to get back into my daily workout routine (which I so desperately crave and need). I typically wake up early (like it or not) and go to my 5am HIIT class Monday thru Thursday, so I can get it over with and enjoy the rest of my day. Normally, that 4:30am wake-up call feels natural and although I may, at times, be tired and not quite ready for it, I’m eager to get up and move. But since I returned from our trip, all I want to do is lie there in bed contemplating getting up but not actually doing it. Most days, I sleep right through the alarm.
In addition to being off with my workout routine, I just miss our beloved Austria, and being back in Texas feels like a slap in the face. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for all we have here, yes, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still ache and yearn for our country and all the people in it that we left behind. I feel like the kid who comes in from the cold outside and won’t take his coat off and allow himself to relax and stay a while. I just want to stay in that place…in those memories just a while longer, and a big part of me never wants to take my coat off and stay.
Truthfully, I didn’t really have a plan in mind for this post. What I did not plan to do was lament, vent and whine about the fact that I’m back home and don’t wanna be. All I know is that my head is spinning and I needed to write. But more importantly, I need to get back into my routines again.
What I’ve found out throughout my life, but also again this year, in a big way, was that we thrive within routines. And whether we like them or not, we need routines to stay our course and continue on the path that leads us where we inevitably need to go.
Last year, in 2018, my word for the year was “Discipline”. I’ve written and talked on my podcast about this before, but I always felt like I lacked discipline to do the things I knew I needed to do, and that was something I knew I needed to change. And so, there I was, fumbling around, trying to learn the art of discipline and create the habits that I knew would benefit me in the long run. Those habits are arbitrary for anyone but me to know, but I do know that I felt happy when I began to incorporate them into my life each and every day, regardless of how I felt about doing them.
That said, I want to commit this second week of July to getting back into routines that help me stay sane and think and feel at my best and help my family feel healthier and happier too. There comes a time that, while we may think we want to coast through the days and weeks of summer without a routine, we desperately need expectation and a schedule that gives us a framework for our days and weeks ahead.
I’ll be sitting down today mapping that out and seeing what that looks like for us. I’m happy to share it with those of you who would like some help getting your summer schedule in place as well.
In any case, thanks for reading! I appreciate you and value your time. If you’re struggling with having a working summer schedule, just know you’re not alone!
Am I the only one who struggles to feel peace and contentment in my own home?
Please tell me I am, because I don’t want anyone else to go through this struggle — at least not alone.
I wish I could say that this feeling of restlessness and discontentment began when we returned from our 6-week vacation in Europe. After all, it’s normal to feel slightly edgy and uncomfortable after being away from our space for a while, but then, once you’ve settled in, you feel happy to be back, right? Or not?
One could also chalk up this feeling to having to be responsible again. After all, when you’re living in an Airbnb, it’s not YOUR house that needs to be cleaned and cared for, so it’s different than being in your own home where things have to be done. If the chores don’t get done in a vacation home, it’s not the end of the world, because, well, it’s vacation! Who cares?! But when you’re home, the chores have to be done and things have to eventually feel good so you can be at your best and be able to relax in your environment. At least that’s my take.
But I believe there’s more to it than that.
To be honest, I’ve felt this way off and on since my second son was born in 2012. With my first child, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the house and all the things that needed to be done around it. I wasn’t necessarily “on top of things,” but I was keeping it under control and felt pretty happy about the state of things around me. But quite literally, as soon as I had a second child, it was as if I had absolutely NO control over how the house looked or felt anymore. I had no time to keep it up and nothing ever seemed to get done.
As of 2019, we now have 3 children who are 10, 8 and 5. We are no longer in the baby phase of putting things up high and random swings and jumpers in the living room. We no longer need to have boxes of toys throughout the house or childproofed cabinets (actually, we never did the childproofing thing except for our outlets). But, somehow, my house still feels chaotic and unsettling to me, and I need to figure out why.
One major challenge we’ve had is that we’ve basically been living off of one income over the past 10 years, which has meant that we haven’t had the money to update the flooring or the kitchen counters or hire a landscaper to help us with our huge backyard. All the responsibility and DIY-ability has fallen on my husband and me, and we have underestimated, in many ways, our lack of time and resources to do those projects alone. While we’ve accomplished a lot, there’s still a huge to-do list that always looms in the back of our minds and feels like it weighs us down and keeps us from being able to be as mobile and free to do things as we would like to be.
While we were in Europe, however, the kids and I were staying in a one bedroom apartment a little outside the city center of Vienna. We had only our suitcases with clothes and backpacks with other necessities to get us by for the few weeks we were there. Other than those necessities, we didn’t have much space to store anything other than what we absolutely needed. Our space was so tight and limited that as soon as the kids forgot to put their shoes inside the shoe cabinet or I didn’t put away the dishes right after breakfast, the house started to feel unlivable and untidy, and it was obvious that we couldn’t move on to things we needed to do until that was taken care of. The good thing was, taking care of it was an easy and quick fix!
What I loved most about this was that those simple things like putting the shoes away or straightening up the towels in the bathroom or getting the dishes cleared away made all the difference in the way we felt in our surroundings and how I felt about the day ahead. I wasn’t bogged down with the feeling of, “I need to clean this place up before we can go anywhere,” because there wasn’t much to clean up.
At one point during our trip, I asked the kids if they missed any of our items we had left back home, and do you know what their answer was? Each and every one of my kids said they couldn’t think of anything they had left behind that they really missed — except for our dog! That’s right, Folks! They couldn’t think of ANYTHING! Not one thing!
Do you know what that means to me? All those years of me spending entire days going through their things and organizing their toys and books and memorabilia was just a big fat waste of time! You know why? Because none of it matters. You know what would have mattered MORE than me spending my time doing that? Yep, you guessed it…spending time WITH them! Or at the very least, spending time writing or singing or making art.
So, here I am…back home in the States in our spacious home in the suburbs of Austin, Texas. And do you know what I feel with all this stuff? Not only do I feel completely discontent, but I also feel completely overwhelmed. It plagues my mind…that idea of where it all should go and how I should organize it. I have this fantasy about someone coming in and just taking it all away so I don’t have to deal with it all, which may sound extreme, but I feel a little extreme right now. I’ve read Marie Kondo as well as other books and blogs on the topic of home organization and have worked long and hard both alone and with a good friend on trying to incorporate organizational strategies and ideas into my home. I’ve also seen my parents literally become buried alive in stuff that they are too overwhelmed to actually deal with, and have participated in a handful of rescue missions to try and absolve them of the task of dealing with it alone — all to little or no avail, might I add.
So you could say that this concept of living minimally runs deep. I absolutely LOVE stuff. Who doesn’t? And no, I’m not a big shopper who goes out to buy something every chance I get, but I do love walking into a room that is carefully and tastefully decorated to suit the people who live there. I love finding fun things to hang or display. I love it when my children bring home artwork and we try to find a nice place for it. I love having space to work and space to cook and space for my kids to roam freely. But do you know what I love more? I love freedom. I love the concept of never having to go through another drawer or closet or entire bedroom or garage again, because I don’t accumulate enough to have to do that. I love the idea of not being tied down to a home with a huge backyard to maintain so that I can travel and see the world and spend the time I want to spend with my family instead of lamenting about how chaotic my home feels.
I guess my question I asked at the beginning of this blog is still this: Am I the only one who struggles to feel peace and contentment in my own home? I used to think it was just my lack of organizational ability or I came by this defective gene of not being able to adequately organize my things or create *gemütlichkeit in my own home naturally. But now I whole-heartedly believe that it’s lifestyle related. I think I’m the type of person who just doesn’t do well with large spaces to organize, and no matter how much I might try to refute that and make lifestyle choices that suggest otherwise, I am happier with fewer things and more experiences.
What about you? Do you feel comfortable in your own space? What ideas or concepts have you discovered that make you feel this way? What areas in your life do you think you need to change in order for the space around you to feel comfortable and peaceful?
I’d love to hear from you!
*Gemütlichkeit (German pronunciation: [ɡəˈmyːtlɪçkaɪt] is a German word used to convey the idea of a state or feeling of warmth, friendliness, and good cheer. Other qualities encompassed by the term include coziness, peace of mind, and a sense of belonging and well-being.
Boy, getting back to writing after a long hiatus is rough! I hadn’t planned to check out for this long, Friends. (I’m sorry!!!) It just happened when I found myself alone in a one-bedroom apartment in Vienna, Austria with my 3 kids for 3 1/2 weeks, and it didn’t get better once my husband arrived and we spent the remaining two weeks full speed ahead seeing friends and family and doing all the things we wanted to do before we left.
When we first arrived in Vienna, I had created a routine that worked well for me. I would sneak my laptop open and write before the kids woke up from their jetlagged stupor. But as the temperatures got warmer, and the kids began to acclimate to the time zone, it became more and more challenging to fit ANYTHING ELSE but eating, showering and corralling the kids into our full days of sightseeing and visiting friends. Also, as my kids became more familiar with our environment, my only goal became survival and noise control! #thestrugglewasreal #peaceforthewin
However, all that aside…I’m back! And I’m so excited to be able to write again in my own space back home. Kinda. However, that said, I should inform you that at this very moment, that includes sharing a living room with my 10-year old son who decided to wake up and immediately turn on The Amazing World of Gumball full blast. Why do cartoons have to be so loud?!?!?!?!?! Or why do my children feel the need to watch t.v. as if they are 89-year-old men who refuse to wear their hearing aids?!
But I digress…
I’m happy to say that our trip to Austria was glorious and wonderful and everything I imagined it would be. Sure, there were a few kinks in the road like my in-laws not being as warm or welcoming as we would have expected and needing my 3…THREEEEEE children to be as quiet, still and peaceful as possible every time we visited! #forthelove There was also unrelenting heat which made living with no air conditioning a real challenge for my little Texans. My kids also wore out much sooner during our outings than I thought they would have–especially considering ALLLLLL the energy they constantly seem to have otherwise. Regardless of any issues that will inevitably pop up during a 6-week excursion with children (and in-laws), it was a long overdue trip for sure, and we are already talking about how we can get back there again soon and change our lifestyle here in Texas to reflect our priorities and values of trying to do things like this more often.
The simple fact of the matter is we’ve accumulated too much stuff. We’ve settled in to our home here a little too much. We’ve adapted to the Texas way of life too much. But none of it really, if I’m being honest, reflects what we want, who we are, and what we’re about.
What our family is about boils down to a few things…two of which are:
We are foreigners here. And while we love certain aspects of Texas and want to adapt to our surroundings as much as possible, it isn’t natural that we put down our roots here. Our human nature begs to put our roots down somewhere and settle in, for sure, but in doing so, we tend to lose the pull that beckons us back home and connects us to the people we have left behind. It divides us from our home. And that, for us, is a problem.
We love to travel.But even more than that, we love to see and go and do. We’ve learned that about ourselves and our kids a million times over, but our lifestyle (and my homebody, neat freak nature) prohibits us from doing that as often as we should. As much as we think we love being home, keeping a tidy house (me!!), decorating our home (me!!!), planting a garden (me!!!) and maintaining what we have, what really gives us (me!!) the most joy is being around others and seeing and experiencing new things!
Isn’t it funny how that works? You can think that your priorities are totally aligned with the life you want for yourself and your family, but when you take a long, hard look at your life, while away from it for a few weeks, you realize that it misses the mark in reflecting your priorities and dreams for your family.
So, where do we go from here? How do we navigate this need for a different, simpler, low maintenance, carefree lifestyle that we so crave? How do we purposely not fall into the trap of Texas suburban living where accumulation of things and a “crazy busy”, always-hurried schedule reign supreme?
Do we have to accept the status quo and adopt the values and priorities of those around us?! Is it just an “adulting” part of life that we need to give up the very things that make us who we are and fill our hearts with joy so we can adapt and fit in and live out happy existences within our surroundings?
I don’t know how to figure all this out in one blog post, Folks, but I’m here to give it my solid 100 over the course of the next few weeks and months.
Right now, I’m definitely seeing with my very eyes, as I look all around my house, the need to be settled, organized and all comfy in our own space sharply contrasting in the most overwhelming way with the need to be free from it all, fully mobile and wild at heart.
I know this much is true (cue Spandau Ballet, sorry!): I recognized from the start that I was not cut out for the constant rat race of switching out decor every few weeks for a new holiday or season, over-scheduling ourselves in extracurricular commitments or opting to be home organizing and maintaining my space over cultivating deeper relationships and experiencing the world to its fullest. My husband and I, and now our kids, just GOTTA SEE THE WORLD!
And this, my friends, is the crux of my very existence. If I’m being honest, which I am, this is where my head space is about 95% of the time. It’s not a fun space to be in, per se, but at least our wonderful trip back to our roots in Austria showed me why I feel this way, and hopefully the months ahead will show me and my family what to do about it.
I have had all these ideas swirling in my head about what I want to write, and then, of course, when I finally make myself sit down and start writing, my mind goes blank.
Does that ever happen to you?
Do you have ideas that you are so looking forward to sitting down and hashing out, only to find that, when you do, the ideas have somehow escaped you?
This is why I usually carry a pen and a notebook with me — so I can, at least, jot down the thoughts as they come and plan a fixed time to draw upon them later, when I have a moment to sit and reflect in silence. But lately, I’ve forgotten my habit of carrying my pen and notebook, and the result has been a bit of confusion and frustration as I try to think back to that moment when I was sitting on the U Bahn (subway car) or walking up the escalator and piece together what I was thinking.
Whether you have children, or whether you are traveling or just living your busy every day life, this practice of carrying a pen and notebook with you is especially important, because you just never know when the idea is going to hit you and when you’re going to be able to follow up with that idea again.
I have seriously sat at a restaurant or in church (sorry, Pastor!) and written the entire outline for a blog post and come home and written it with the exact flow and thoughts that were running through my head hours before because I took the time to do so.
So, today, my habits are going back to ones that serve me and my readers. I’m carrying my notebook again and hopefully, I’ll be able to remember what it was I wanted to say and be able to say it in a way that is clear and meaningful.
Tell me what your writing strategy is. I’d love to hear it!
We all do it. Without even thinking, we compare our lives to the lives of others around us, the life we used to have, the life we wish we had, the life of a stranger on Instagram or another friend’s family vacation album on Facebook.
No matter who we are, what we’re doing, how beautiful or how flawed our lives are, we have a tendency to wish for something different — completely different than the life we have. We wish for some thing that would make all the other things easier. Something that would suit our personalities more. Something that would make our hearts happier.
We long for a place to live with nicer weather, better scenery, more bike trails, better cafes, interesting people and a thriving culture and economy.
We may even long to look a more beautiful, be more fit, dress more stylishly or have our homes decorated in a way that makes us feel better in our surroundings.
Maybe we long for more meaningful relationships, closer community or a sense of belonging.
But if there’s anything I’ve discovered from traveling, it’s that there are positives and negatives to every place you live in, every family dynamic, every body type, every city, every group of friends and every career path.
There is no perfect situation. There are no perfect people. And there certainly is no perfect place to live.
But it’s easy to be dissatisfied with what we have when we look around us and see the lives of others. I have both felt envy for another’s life and been envied for the life I have. I have felt inadequacy and lack, and I have unknowingly made others feel like their lives lacked and were inadequate in comparison to mine.
As I sit in on my computer in my little one bedroom apartment in the heart of Vienna, Austria with my kids in the next room, I’m reminded of the hilight reel we all choose to show the world.
Right now, after a long day of running around and meeting people and doing things yesterday and the day before and the day before that, my kids and I are taking it easy and having a lazy, Saturday morning with nothing planned. No obligations. No commitments. No priorities except rest. Silence. Stillness.
After we got up this morning around 8:30am, I left them for a few minutes and ran downstairs to the local grocery store to buy some food for the weekend (most grocery stores are closed on Sundays).
When I got to the store, in a hurry so as not to leave my kids too long, I immediately walked in and felt that the people around me were rude and unfriendly — not at all like the warm and smiling folks at my local neighborhood HEB close to my home in Austin. What happened? Nothing traumatic. Nothing memorable. Just an overall feeling of discomfort and awkwardness as I navigated my way through the store trying to quickly pick up things we needed and get back home.
People cutting in front of me, getting irritated at me when they had to walk around me. My cart was in the way of an employee who was trying to put things away. I walked up to a perfectly open line to have someone tell me the line was closed. I went through a self check-out line only to have the cashier on duty have to come over and scan his card to help me at least 8 times in one transaction. In that instant, I was the foreigner. And I was apparently doing everything wrong.
When I was on my way back to the apartment with all my groceries (that I had to carry for a block), I remembered the days of living here in my twenties and wishing, during those harsh, cold Austrian moments, that I was back in the comfort of my hometown in Kansas City, Missouri where people actually smiled at me when I smiled at them and where I knew what ingredients I needed and how to weigh my fruit and vegetables. I longed for those brief seconds where I knew I could ask someone if I couldn’t find something, and I was offered help with a smile instead of irritation and disdain.
Those moments, like I had this morning, were the moments that literally defeated me as a single, young person in the middle of a foreign city. And those moments were attempting to defeat me again in my forties on my way back to my apartment full of hungry, screen-happy children.
When I got back a few minutes later, my kids were still in their pajamas watching shows on their tablets. I fixed them breakfast. They were grumpy. We ate. They made a mess. I cleaned up they messes they had made. I refereed fights they had between each other and refolded their clothes in their suitcases and had to sniff my way through to figure out what was clean and what was dirty. I organized the place a little and made sure breakfast food was put away and the toilet didn’t continue to smell like vomit from the night my son puked everywhere.
Our morning was definitely uninteresting. Unworthy of photos or captions. And in most of my tired thoughts and feelings today, I have felt homesick and wishing we were back in our comfy home in Austin where I could do laundry with ease and plan the evening’s meal with excitement. Where I didn’t have to wonder and worry about the strange feelings I have with my in-laws or make sure we’ve got all we need to last us through the weekend.
On the flip side of this same coin, we are having a wonderful time and making memories that I can’t even explain. It is a time I’ll always cherish and something I hope we can repeat again in the not so distant future.
But in saying all of this, I am instantly reminded of the grass is greener syndrome. A syndrome I often have and think about. There’s a lot I miss about Vienna. There are a lot of things I wish I could do and people I wish I could see more often. There’s a slower-paced lifestyle and philosophy of living that I wish we could adopt more of.
But the heart of the matter remains: Those of us who have had the opportunity and privilege of living in another city or country other than our own will forever feel a longing for that place again long after we’ve left. In addition, we will always have to fight off the feeling that the grass must be greener there than wherever we find ourselves right now. At the same time, we will always have to work hard to teach ourselves to love where we are right now and be present in that place even though we are reminded, even daily, that it is not our home. In essence, we no longer belong anywhere. The only true belonging we feel has to do with the close relationships we hold near and dear to our hearts.
I’ve decided to stop writing which day it is as my post title or header, because let’s face it, I don’t really care which day it is, and neither do you! It also puts unnecessary pressure on me to blog here every day, and while that is an ideal goal, it’s not realistic. So, away with the pressure! Be gone!
And because, let’s face it, not every day of our trip is going to be noteworthy and interesting to write about OR read.
Whew. Glad we got that out of the way…
Yesterday was one of those days. We were still kinda tired and over it all, so we opted to go see the grandparents in Mödling, which is about an hour by public transportation. Because our current apartment doesn’t have a washing machine available that we are able to use (even though it said it did in the listing), we decided to bring two loads of laundry with us so we could wash our clothes and let them dry while we hung out with my in-laws.
I’ve had some awesome ideas in my life, but this one, clearly, wasn’t among my best. Not only was it raining and cold yesterday, but asking my kids to schlep bags of dirty clothes around town and on trains and street cars was like asking them to clean their rooms. It was met by much resistance and whining. All of which, I could do without.
Regardless of the frustration and hard work of getting the clothes there, washed, hung, partially dried and back to the apartment and hung up again to dry even more, we now have some clean clothes to wear. And I won’t do that again while we’re on this trip!
Today, we spent the day walking around and going to the Kunst Haus Wien where you can view the art and architecture of Friedensreich Hundertwasser. I don’t know what it is about his work, but I am always inspired and fascinated by it. It’s so whimsical, yet so exact. And the vibrant colors and strange, yet refreshing take on design are rare and so much fun! He was truly a pioneer and his work continues to be relevant long after it was created.
Like most museums, I was not able to photograph the works of Hundertwasser during our trip, but here are a couple of examples of it I found on the web:
Rogner Bad Blumau Spa in Styria, Austria
I don’t know what it is about his work, but I just love it! And my kids did too! So playful. So fun. So whimsical. It invites you to be imperfect and create imperfect things. Our human eye is drawn to imperfection. We relate to it more than we relate to something that feels too thought through or put together.
Before we went to the Kunst Haus, my kids went to their very first Döner Kebab stand in Vienna. They thoroughly enjoyed every second of it and every bite.
My sweet boys
My girl wasn’t quite sure what she thought of the Döner Kebab, so she just ordered Pommes Rot Weiss (french fries with ketchup and mayo) and drank a Fanta. Really healthy diet we’ve got going on here, but whatever! You only live once and it’s vacation!
My sweet girl!
After our trek to the Hundertwasser, we hopped on the 1 and rode to Burgring to meet my sweet friend, Albert, who is a classical pianist in Vienna. He was supposed to be meeting a friend to do some work, but thankfully, took some time out of his day to meet up with us for a bit and begin to catch up. Albert and I met when I was living and working in Vienna as well, and it was so good to see him!
Over all, the day was a really good day. It was cold and rainy, and my daughter had refused to wear something suitable for the weather before we left our apartment, so she was cold all day…but oh well, I think she learned that when Mommy says put something warm on, she had better do it!
When we got back to our apartment, we laid around a while and tried to defrost from being out in the cold rain all day. I was going to cook dinner, but then I realized that the Lokal (restaurant and bar) down the street called Blunzenstricker had a special on Wednesdays with XL Schnitzel. The kids and I all agreed we needed to try it out. So we ventured back out into the cold rain to give it a try.
And we were NOT disappointed. It was an old, rustic place with doors on the ceilings and newspaper and antique pictures of people on the walls. The funny bathroom doors had a man’s shoe attached to the top of the door for the men’s restroom and a woman’s shoe attached to the top of door of the women’s restroom. You could tell it had been around a while, and it had a bit of a creepy, haunting Viennese feel to it as well. Lots of history there! Our waiter was super friendly, and we knew we were in good hands when this Schnitzel came out.
The infamous XL Schnitzel at Blunzenstricker
I ordered a Steirisches Backhendlsalat (Styrian Fried Chicken Salad) which was 3 cutlets of chicken over a bed of mixed greens, pumpkin seeds, beans and cooked potatoes and drizzled with pumpkin seed oil, and it was amazing! But I was so full I couldn’t even finish it all.
Styrian Fried Chicken Salad
After dinner, I promised the kids we’d order Eispalatschinken, which is basically vanilla ice cream rolled up into a crepe and smothered in chocolate sauce. It was a big hit with my kids, and the waiter was kind enough to pretend that someone got an order wrong (which rarely happens in Austria, btw) and brought us out a second plate of it. Sneaky guy!
I’m thankful he did that, or I wouldn’t have this picture to show you as the first serving was eaten much too quickly by my little vultures.
Eispalatschinken (Ice Cream filled crepes)
Yum, right? I should be full for days after that meal!
The rain continues to be a bit of a downer for us here in Vienna, but everyone keeps saying it will let up soon. And I don’t think we’re missing out on much. Do you?
After our amazing outing the day before, today turned out to be a day of much-needed rest.
When we got home from our friend Claudia’s house, I quickly got the kids to bed and I literally collapsed into my bed without so much as an ounce of energy leftover.
We had definitely run too hard the day before, but I also think the jet lag was catching up to me as well as all the stress of packing and just getting here. I was done, fried, baked…or as they say in Austria “Kaputt!”
But pretty soon after I had closed my eyes and entered into a deep trance, I heard footsteps and the sound no mother traveling alone with 3 kids wants to hear: projectile vomit. Everywhere!
I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say it looked like something from Poltergeist in this tiny little apartment. I have so much respect for those who clean up crime scenes or work in the ER. This was not a pretty sight. Or smell. My poor baby had eaten too much the day before and he just couldn’t keep it in. (he was immediately fine afterwards, and I’ve been keeping him hydrated today)
Subsequently, I spent the next two hours cleaning up and didn’t get to bed until after 2am. When I awoke this morning, it felt as if I had never slept. I was so so tired. And my poor kids were beyond exhausted — especially the one who had just lost half of his body weight.
So, we slowly got up and around, made our way to the grocery store at around 11:30am, and came back to the apartment to try and eat a little and head to my parents-in-law. But at about 3pm, when I noticed how content my kids were just laying down in their beds on their tablets, I called off all engagements and called it a day IN.
We literally didn’t move for hours upon hours other than to go to the bathroom, get drinks and bicker. When evening finally did hit, my youngest thought it was still morning and asked what we were having for breakfast. That, my friends, is how OUT OF IT we all were.
So, thanks to my friend Tammy, we ate some leftovers she had given us, got cleaned up and went out for ice cream and came back home and crashed again.
The place we went for ice cream is called Zanoni & Rindo. We have been there one other time since we arrived, and the kids begged for it again. Today, we got to know the owners and enjoyed a nice long conversation about American politics. Austrians love to question Americans for their political leadership — especially about this particular administration. I know of NO Austrian who doesn’t have a strong political opinion about American government, and right now, I think any conversation is a good one to get their minds off of their own political disaster that they are currently going through. Because I lent an ear, the owner kindly gave my kids a second cone of their choice. Very generous!!
Why am I up still? Because I wanted to get this post out to you. And…I’m too hot to sleep. This is the only downside of staying in Austria during the late spring. It does cool off to a nice 50 degrees at night, but there’s no ventilation in the room and if you open your window, you’ll hear all the people walking the streets and cars going by. We solved this problem by wearing eye masks and ear plugs at night, but tonight, all 3 kids said they’d go without and I’m afraid of opening the window. But I think I might have to. I’m 44 and I don’t do warm well.
All in all, it was a great day, and you know what it taught me? We need to slow down. The reason we decided to do this trip is because we really want to see family and friends, but we decided to stay a few weeks, because we want to also enjoy ourselves and take in the city of Vienna. But we have to make room for rest, and today showed me that we have to create that margin ASAP!!
So, we were somewhat loose today and enjoyed the downtime of constant tablet time, and I know tomorrow we will enjoy spending the day with the grandparents in Mödling.
I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday (Sunday, May 19th), because we were literally going, going, going from the time we got up! That’s not usually how I like to roll with 3 kids, but it’s how it turned out, and we were tired, but fine.
We started out the day going to our old church, Grace Church, in a local student building in the 7th district near the Westbahnhof. It’s an international church, and the pastor who married us was guest preaching there. Even though it was a smaller congregation than I had remembered when I was there, there was still a heart there that I know I have missed since we moved. The church is comprised of Filipinos, Nigerians, Koreans, Austrians and every other nationality in between. I think that’s what makes it so special. There’s a feeling that everyone is there for the same reason and coming together, regardless of culture or social status.
After church, we spoke with a few old friends and traveled from there to a local Heuriger, Fuhrgassl Huber, where my husband I were married to meet up with some friends for lunch. The atmosphere in the 19th district of Vienna called Grinzing has nothing to be compared to. It is lush and beautiful, quaint and cozy, clean and serene and there is wine and amazing food waiting for you at every other door. Yesterday, we enjoyed Backhendl (fried chicken), Schnitzel and Erdaepfelsalat with white wine and grape juice spritzers. It was pure heaven! For dessert, the kids ordered a cream puff roll and Topfenstrudel, which is like cheesecake with a strudel dough.
After that, we wanted to go back to our apartment and freshen up, but we realized we had no time. We were invited to my friend Claudia’s for dinner, and I knew we’d be late if we ventured back to the apartment. Trying to explain to my kids that we can’t just “run by” our house and rest a bit was tough. They are used to us being able to make a quick pitstop and head back out, but when you’re apartment is outside of the main part of town, this just isn’t possible.
Before we went to my friend’s house, we went into the city center, the 1st district of Vienna, to hear my friend/pastor, Stefan preach in the streets. He does this with an organization, and it’s fascinating to watch. I was so happy to witness it live!
As we walked up Burggasse, past the Kunsthistorisches Museum and Museumsquartier into the 7th district to my friend’s house, I was instantly taken back to the first year I lived in Vienna in 2001. I had an apartment in the 7th district on Neustiftgasse, just one street over, and I used to have to walk to my apartment, past all of these national monuments, after meeting with friends or going for a vocal coaching. Many times, it was freezing cold, and many nights I felt so alone and vulnerable on that trek, but it was exhilarating to walk that same path I walked and relive it in a new light, with my 3 sweet kiddos!
As we walked by my favorite local hangouts in Spittelberg, I was enraptured by the sights and smells of I Ragazzi, Amerlingsbeisl and of course, Plutzerbraeu. The feeling of Neubau is one that I vividly remember. As a foreigner living alone, I must say that I felt intimidated and many times a bit insecure, sure, but also very safe and secure in this quiet, artists’ district. It is truly my favorite district of Vienna for so many reasons.
It has so many beautiful buildings that are considered the standard Viennese Altbau (old buildings) that have retained their charm for hundreds of years.
It houses the Leopold collection in the Museumsquartier and the works of Klimt and Schiele, and it tends to be the most modern and progressive part of Vienna with new, trendy restaurants and galleries.
It sits directly behind the Volkstheater and is home to the large shopping district of Mariahilferstrasse.
At my friend’s apartment, we enjoyed wonderful champagne, zucchini cream soup, roasted chicken and cooked potatoes. For dessert, we enjoyed Eis (ice cream) from Gelateria La Romana on Neustiftgasse and pastries from L. Heiner on Kaertnerstrasse. Needless to say, we were STUFFED!! One of Claudia’s and my traditions when we see each other is having a shot (or 2) of Eierlikör after dessert, which is basically a strong eggnog in a bottle. And for some reason, she and I always giggle when we take a sip! This has gone on for years.
When the kids and I finally left Claudia’s, it was well past our bedtime. But we were able to walk down the well-lit Burggasse and catch our subway to Schottentor where we hopped on the 44 to head back to our apartment. It took us less than 15 minutes total.
As tired as we were, this day was full of so much love and friendship. I loved spending the time with each and every person we saw and reconnect again.
Outside of the amazing scenery and food, any city, even one as beautiful as Vienna, is empty without being around those we love. I am so fortunate to have my children with me this time, and I am reminded that I did not always walk these streets with companions like them. I walked them alone. But the people that I came to know after what seemed like an eternity of loneliness have stayed with me and continue to be a beacon of light in this incredible place!
Today, my girlfriend Tammy met us at a the Meierei Diglas Cafe within the beautiful, historical Türkenschanzpark. There, we enjoyed amazing Viennese coffee with breads, scrambled eggs, sliced avocados and smoked salmon on bagels while viewing the amazing botanical gardens, pathways and ponds all around us.
Me and my first friend in Vienna
My kids thoroughly enjoyed wondering off and throwing around their football as my friend and I caught up and chatted over coffee. Afterwards, we met up with another family and walked down to the central gated playground of the park to let the kids run around and play while we sat at a picnic table and watched them. There were so many things for kids of every age to do. Kids from ages 2 to 13 ran around the park equally enjoying all it had to offer. It was also very clean and well-kept, which is all you can expect from a Viennese park and surrounding gardens.
Türkenschanzpark has an amazing history, and while it is about outside of the city center of Vienna, it is well worth venturing out to in order to enjoy its serene surroundings and space to roam.
Kids on the bus
Once we left our friends at the park, we traveled by public transportation and train to visit my in-laws in Mödling. If you don’t know the history of this city, look it up. It’s a fascinating and very old city with a lot of history! But then again, what cities aren’t fascinating in Europe?! My husband is from this town, and it just so happens to be where we got married on June 19, 2004.
We spent a couple hours there with the grandparents playing in the garden before we headed back to Vienna to visit a friend for dinner at her apartment in the 20th district off of Jägerstraße. And from there, we went home to our apartment and called it a night as we were all pooped!
We didn’t do many touristy things today, but it was a fun day because we spent it with friends and family catching up and making memories.
Tomorrow, we will visit our former church, Grace Church, an international non-denominational church in Vienna, then go for a nice lunch at a local Heuriger and then visit my friend Claudia for dinner in the artist’s district of Neubau where I lived for the first year I was living in Vienna.
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