by Amy | May 26, 2020 | confessional, mama confessions
Guys, we need community!
And we desperately NEED other people!
And yes, we EVEN need people we disagree with or don’t necessarily share the same political, religious or mask-wearing/not-wearing views with.
In the history of humans, we desire interactions with other humans.
It’s who we are.
But here’s the deal:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been in quarantine/under lockdown/following “Stay Home” orders for the past 60+ days, and unless we are working with others outside our home, many of us…most of us aren’t communing with others on a day-to-day basis like we used to anymore.
And this isn’t good. Not good at all.
But guess what we ARE doing?
You guessed it.
We’re going on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and we’re watching news that we sorta, kinda trust and consuming articles that very often only strengthen and very seldom challenge our own current views and stances.
And then guess what we’re doing?
You guessed it.
We’re feeling conviction. We’re feeling anger. We’re feeling sad and helpless. And in the midst of it all, a deep need to connect. We’re feeling the need to have a conversation. Both good ones and bad ones. We are human.
We are…feeling.
And…we are bored.
So what do we do?
Instead of picking up the phone or going outside on our front porch and having a friendly conversation six feet away from our neighbor and chatting openly and honestly about what we feel and think and have heard…
We click a button called “Share”.
We “repost” another person’s ideas that closely aligns with our own.
We throw our thoughts and ideas out there hoping for connection.
We hope for the best, but expect the worst.
We feel encouraged by those who agree and like our post.
We feel deflated and angry by the ones who argue and talk about their viewpoints that directly or indirectly go against our own.
We feel validated by those who agree with us and vindicated in never speaking to people who disagree with us again.
Even when those people are OUR FAMILY!
Even when those people are close friends we love.
Even when those people had never meant us no harm before this conversation, this post, this thread.
But now. Now they’ve gone and done it. It’s SO over!
Guys, we have become so incredibly polarized, haven’t we?
I truly believe “social distancing” is making us socially awkward.
But this was a problem long before these orders went into place.
This was a problem long before quarantined lockdown.
Being isolated just made it all that much more apparent and tangible.
Don’t you see it?
We have moved past the point of decent, human interaction into a state of isolated, angry chaos.
And here’s the kicker:
I don’t care what side of things you’re on, there’s one thing I do know: if you all came to my house and sat around a table together over good food and wine, you’d laugh off your differences and cherish the bond of your relationship more than the side you are on.
I guarantee it.
You would.
How do I know this?
This is ALMOST ALWAYS the case, Friend.
I can be angry, hurt, frustrated, disappointed very easily with someone if I have lost a regular connection with them. In my mind, I’ve conjured up all these ideas about what’s really going on, why they’re avoiding me, what I said the last time we were together, why they didn’t “like” my post or reply to my message and that they must not be interested in still being my friend…or maybe they never were?
You may be thinking, “Good grief! What a whack job!” Or, you may be laughing by this point because you can relate.
But here’s the thing…almost ALWAYS, once we reconnect and chat again — usually in person — I’m reminded of the close bond we have and realize that all of my foolish hypotheticals were just in my head. And even if there was some unresolved tension or situation that needed to be discussed and resolved, it doesn’t take long, in person, to rectify the wrong and resume our relationship in a much stronger place than it was before.
Just recently, for instance, before the Coronavirus hit us and threw us into an isolated state of crazy, I had been feeling a bit agitated and sad over a friendship that I felt had gone a bit south. This friend and I had shared a lot of beautiful memories together and I felt a true kinship with her. But life got busy. Our worlds separated a bit. Invitations didn’t get accepted. Calls didn’t get returned. And before I knew it, I was feeling, well, icky and hurt and confused. I dwelt on it a bit, griped about her unresponsiveness to myself, felt tempted to write her off…and then, finally, enough was enough. I got up the courage and finally texted her and said, “We need to talk.” When we talked on the phone that afternoon, my feelings spilled out and she immediately told me all that had been going on in her life and how badly she felt that she had been so distant, but that she really loved me and missed me. She apologized for her lack of attention to our friendship and assured me she meant no harm. We hashed it out, so to speak, and that day, we mended what could have otherwise been lost.
Two months after that cathartic phone call, this same friend’s mother died unexpectedly. When she texted to tell me the sad news, I immediately called her and we sat and cried together. I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I sincerely felt her pain. I ached with her. We bonded over our grief yet again. But I would have never ever been able to be that person for her and feel that deep connection, had I allowed the hurt I was feeling just two months before to create a wedge and sever our friendship. Never.
Guys, I speak from a place of a lot of past conflict — both real and in my head. Both deliberately intended and completely unintended. I have lived to experience a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, break-ups, distancing, and messed up situations that caused me to lose sleep over how someone allegedly treated me or how I allegedly treated them. It’s sad but true. And I’m almost positive I’m not alone.
But unlike many people I know who seem to just write people — even FAMILY MEMBERS — off, because of their differing views or annoying habits, or hurt feelings or misunderstandings, I have learned, over time and a lot of reflection and prayer, that none of this conflict, imagined or real, was ever worth the price of the relationship itself. Ever.
So, I challenge you. I challenge myself: Give up strife. Give up resentment. Give up anger.
You can feel passionate about something and take a stand. I feel passionate about a lot of things.
You can still disagree with someone and love them. Isn’t that what we’re called to do?
You can still hold onto your views. Heck, you can even feel very dignified in having them. You can vehemently disagree over some hot topics and laugh over coffee. It’s possible. People used to do it all the time.
Don’t you remember?
This inability to disagree and still be closely bonded in our relationships is, quite literally, killing us more than any virus ever could. We are feeling isolated, defeated, hatred, animosity, anger, and it’s all justified.
But no matter what side of things you indignantly stand on, the need to be right over kind never got anybody anywhere.
So, if the state of things is just really getting to you and you hate that you feel so isolated and angry, call up a friend and talk to them — either on the phone or from a distance. Work out your issues. Resolve the tension. Make peace with the people you love before it eats away at you.
I promise you’ll be glad you did.
“He who loves transgression loves strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.”
Proverbs 17:19
by Amy | Feb 24, 2019 | confessional
This morning I woke up a lot like most mornings here lately. I have been feeling really uncertain about how I should be living, working, creating, parenting, wife-ing and how I should proceed in just about everything I’ve been doing up til now.
Truth be told, I’m super frustrated with being in limbo. I know there are possibilities, but I’ve felt stuck and uncertain for far too long.
This past weekend, I was supposed to have performed with Conspirare and the Austin Symphony in the Brahms Requiem at the Long Center here in Austin, TX. However, the week prior to a long week of rehearsals and two back-to-back performances, I came down with a viral infection that zapped my energy, then my voice and later, my lungs.
I was really bummed out and emotional about not being able to perform, but the whole incident caused me to take a step back and evaluate what I was really doing with all of this and where it was taking me. I’ll explain:
Up til 2016, when my husband and I went through our “crisis of a lifetime,” working and trying to continue singing wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Yes, I missed singing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shot through the heart every time a former colleague would post their singing experiences in front of me on social media. I know. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But it was hard. However, I felt I had adjusted nicely to the role of stay-at-home-and-pour-everything-you’ve-got-into-your-kids Mom. I really embraced it actually. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that role with any endeavor that took away from them — even if it meant sacrificing a huge piece of me — singing!
Fast forward to now. I now have 3 youngish kids. I say youngish, because they aren’t babies anymore. They are 10, 7 and 5 and able to put on their own clothes, wipe their own butts and sass at us if they don’t like what we’ve asked them to do. In many ways, it feels like we’ve achieved a certain level of freedom after 10 years of being in the baby phase of being up all night, changing diapers and toddlers walking around trying to kill themselves and destroy everything around them. But we aren’t out of the woods just yet. As much as I would love to sing and be a part of amazing, creative ventures out there in the world, my role as a mother to these kids is far more important (and in many ways, urgent) than the role I play as a singer.
There are so many ideas on this, and I don’t wish to be controversial. I know we women have as much of a right to pursue our dreams and goals as men do. But I think we, as mothers of young and even youngish children, have a special, and very important mission: To train our children in the way they should go. And I also feel that this time we are required to do that goes by so quickly. Why miss out because we have a right?!
So, here’s my current goal: to honor God in raising my children in the way they should go. Even if that means putting aside my dreams and goals or pursuing those dreams and goals on the fringe of our lives and not during prime time hours of our days or weekends when they are home, still under my roof and really want to be with me. Call me soft. Call me a wimp. Tell me anything you want to tell me about how I should do what I have been gifted to do. But I know what I know. And that is that God has gifted me with these 3 beautiful children I love with all my heart. And if I trust God with His will for my life, I know He will make it all work together for good if I do my job as a Mom to the best of my ability.
For me, that means not spreading myself too thin. It means saying “no” sometimes to things I’d love to be a part of. It means sacrificing my dreams for His higher purpose. And don’t be fooled into thinking working Moms who do it all aren’t sacrificing something. It all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice, right? If I’m out there pursuing my dreams as a singer, I may be doing what I want to do and filling my cup in some way, but I’m also sacrificing being there for my kids who still need me to be there for them. I sacrifice time away from my husband. I sacrifice a peaceful home. I sacrifice rest.
So, anytime you’re tempted to believe that the women out there who are “doing it all” actually “have it all” without sacrificing some pretty important things, stop for a minute and really think about it. Then break down what it looks like for you to pursue your dreams at this moment.
The best advice I got recently when I was lamenting over this was from an elderly friend who also had a singing career prior to having children. She said that she never regretted taking the time off from singing to raise her children. But she would have really regretted not being there for her children — even if it meant singing on the greatest stages in all the world.
I believe her.
by Amy | Mar 26, 2018 | snippets
But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:7-8
I am SO humbled as we approach Easter this coming Sunday. I’m humbled, because, like so many other holidays we rush through, Easter feels like another to-do list full of ALL THE THINGS that have absolutely nothing to do with the true meaning of season we are celebrating. Thanks America! But when I take the time to pause for a moment, in the midst of all the bustle and hubbub, and I really take the time to pray and read and reread this passage of scripture and let it sink in, do you know what stands out the most?
…but made himself of no reputation.
Huh? But what about the cross? That’s the most important thing, right? He died, He was buried and He rose again! That’s the true meaning of Easter!!
Yep! You’re right! It is. The cross and the resurrection are central to Easter. But, for me, this little snippet that we so often overlook is the part God really wanted me to see and understand today.
As I was praying this morning and asking God to direct my path and show me what He wanted me to do, I was brought to tears after a solid 2 minutes of prayer, because, even though my words say “I’ll do anything for you, Lord” and “I want YOU to get the glory.” The truth…the real truth that lies deep down underneath all those words is hideous and so heartbreaking. If I am to be really transparent, the real truth is that I will do anything for God — if it serves me and works around my schedule. And, I will give him the glory for all that He allows me to accomplish, if, when all is said and done, I get a little glory out of it, too. Ouch! Does that ring a bell? I didn’t even realize that was inside of me until I prayed. I didn’t even realize that I was going after any glory or reputation until I read this passage. I didn’t even realize that all my goals and dreams were absolutely not about His glory, until He revealed it to me.
I mean, isn’t that what the world is about nowadays? We crave recognition. For our words, for our singing abilities (eh-hem), for our cute crafts, for our stunning jewelry, for our servant’s heart, for our witty personality; for our godliness, for our fashion savvy, for our amazing child-rearing skills (bwah-hahaha), for our delicious recipes, for our educated and upright political views, for our stunning photographs; for our fabulous relationships, for our incredible date nights and for our clever home organizational tips. We want people to praise who we are and what we’re about and what we’ve accomplished. And it’s now easier than ever before to do. We can take pictures of our work and post them on social media. And we anxiously await the likes and comments. We can talk about our cause on a podcast. We can blog about our passions. We can write a book. We can record videos and put them on YouTube. Now more than ever, we are bombarded with this whole idea of building our reputation and platform — even if we’re not even doing it for a professional cause! And sure, we’ve always had the opportunity to shine and be a star, but now it feels so much more accessible than it used to feel. Now, with the help of the world wide web and social media, you no longer have to be a Pulitzer Prize winner, a talented actor on the big screen, a theologian or an accredited author to create a huge, mega-following — with a few clicks of a button. Because of this, I believe it’s very tempting to fall prey to the notion that we can attain a following by an extremely filtered picture we paint about who we are to the world around us. Instant celebrity! Instant praise!
…but made himself of no reputation.
Jesus. The guy who was the Son of God. He came into this world and performed miracle after miracle. He knew He would die a painful death in our place and give himself as a sacrifice so that we might live, and He, of all people, made himself of “no reputation”??
If that is the case, than who in the world am I to boast of what I’ve accomplished? Who am I to want glory for the things I’ve done and the talents I may possess? Who am I to want praise and accolades?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t work hard and have talents that the world needs to see and hear. I’m not saying we shouldn’t share our voice with the world. But what I am sensing here is a personal nudge. I’m realizing that, for some reason, it is really tempting for me to seek my own reputation and following, and He’s showing me where that leaves me. I struggle here. And I need His guidance in navigating how this all works — for His glory and not my own. And I don’t believe I’m alone in this struggle.
I don’t even know where this leaves me today, but it causes me to think. It causes me to go deeper and find more hidden desires that have masked themselves as purely motivated ones. And it causes me to really dedicate myself to an active and consistent prayer life that seeks Him and His word daily, because the only thing that truly matters is that we’re doing what He wants us to do for no glory of our own.
What are your thoughts? Do you wrestle with this too? How do you wrestle? Would love to hear from you!
xo
by Amy | Jan 7, 2014 | confessional, Uncategorized
by Amy | Aug 8, 2013 | confessional, Uncategorized
OK, I’ve been really bad about blogging…on here…on my Mommy Blog…and everywhere else. I want to get better. I feel like I’m missing precious opportunities doing other meaningless things, so I’ve just GOT to get it together.
This morning (2:10am) I want to make it brief because I’m dog tired. So tired I can’t even think straight. But, I need to write this, and I need to give it to God.
Today we almost lost Tate…and when I say “almost lost” I am not casually saying I almost lost him in Walmart. We almost lost him forever. Oh to even WRITE those words sends chills down my spine and waters up my eyes. We were at a friend’s neighborhood pool. We had just arrived and I had already slathered sunscreen on both boys. We had talked in the car about how both boys were going to IMMEDIATELY put on their water wings before we went into the pool. We got there and I put everything on Julian while Tate ran off. At her awesome pool, there is an area that is JUST a splash pad, so he was over there checking that out. Then they have an area that is just a little baby pool. He went over there. Then one of the big pools is a zero entry pool that only goes to 4′ (or so I thought), so I wasn’t too worried since he’s a little over 4′, but I still wanted him to get those water wings on. He didn’t listen. I tried to relax a bit because he has been improving as a really good little swimmer this summer (despite my ability to get them in formal swimming lessons) and he’s been really confident. There was hardly anyone at the pool either, so I knew where he was at all times.
My girlfriend and I sat down at a little table so she could finish her lunch and were catching up. It had been ages since we last saw each other! I was telling her how much easier it’s been this summer taking the boys to the pool and how much more relaxed I had become because they were both such good swimmers and then I turned around and saw him out in the distance. He had crept into the deeper part of the pool (4’4″) without my noticing, and he couldn’t keep his head above water. FEAR! PANIC! RUN! I hadn’t even had the chance to take off my cover-up yet, so I ran out into the water and threw it off (into the water) and swam out to get him. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go too far, but he had already been bobbing and unable to breathe for much longer than he can normally hold his breath. I pulled him up into my arms and patted him on the back several times really hard. He was struggling to get that first breath again and gasping for air. I patted him a few more times and he eventually gasped and took that first breath and burped and coughed. Oh Lord, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saving his little life!! I carried him back to the table where we were sitting and he coughed a few more times and as I held him closely, I could feel his little heart beating outside of his chest. Mine was too.
Oh Dear God, there are no words. I know this will probably not be the last time I come face-to-face with a close encounter that turns our world upside down. I just hope and pray I don’t ever have to experience something that horrific again. I would die if something happened to my kids. I would never forgive myself. We’ve already had a rough year dealing with all of his medical issues and feeling like we’re swimming upstream trying to solve that mystery. That turned our world upside down and inside out back in November 2012. But to actually lose one of our children to an unnecessary accident? Nope. I couldn’t live through that. I won’t.
So this “little” ordeal hopefully taught us all a lesson or two. It taught me that I can’t ever ever ever RELAX again or assume he knows what he’s doing when he refuses to do what I ask him to do and take all safety precautions. It hopefully taught him to listen to me and have a little fear where water is concerned. I don’t want him to fear water, but I want him to not have false confidence that he’ll be OK in the water without his gear or knowing how to swim first. That reminds me — I’ve gotta call that swim instructor and get them set up!!!
Already in just a few short years, I’m learning more and more that parenting is such hard work. I’m blessed that we have had second chances in situations like today. Some people don’t get a second chance or a do-over. Today could have changed our lives forever. I shutter to think that I could have lost our sweet, precious little Tate. He and Julian are everything to us. I also realize how quickly and easily we go from a life-threatening situation like this that stops our world in its tracks and we move past it and forget about it within a day or two. Life goes on as usual. That is such an odd feature in the human brain. But I don’t want to ever forget this. I want to take this life lesson, this opportunity, this near-death experience to take a step back and reevaluate what is important. I want to provide every measure for my kids to learn safety and be informed and prepared for as much as they possibly can. And I want to treasure all of these moments with them. They are so precious. They are so few.
Not only that, but these little ones depend solely on us for their survival. What a huge responsibility we have as parents. It is my responsibility to teach them how to listen to me. They can’t go around thinking that there won’t be severe consequences for not actively listening and following directions. This has been such a challenging stage with Tate especially in this regard. He does not listen to us nearly as often as he should. Sometimes we get really angry and make him listen. Other times we let it go because we feel like we are harping and ranting and nagging. And let’s face it, sometimes it’s just too damn hard to make your kids do something against their will. Sometimes it’s just easier to say, “Oh well…” and second-guess ourselves and think that what we are asking them to do is not that important anyway. NEWSFLASH: When they are this age, EVERYTHING we ask them to do is important because it’s teaching them that very very basic, fundamental skill of listening and obeying us. They have to learn it. It’s imperative that they learn it. If we don’t take ourselves seriously, they won’t take us seriously.
So yeah…I want this to stick. I want this to enforce change in our household starting…now.
Thank you, Dear Lord, for sparing my precious son’s life today. He is currently in his bed asleep, and he is breathing, and I’m so grateful for his breath. I’m so grateful he was smart enough to bob up and down and try to swim until I got there. I’m so hopeful that this taught him a valuable lesson. But I’m even more hopeful that this taught me a valuable lesson. What I say, ask, require of my children is important. But it’s only important if I make it important. I can’t let up. I can’t let go. I can’t give them wiggle room to disobey me or not listen to what I’m saying. They have to realize how important it is to listen and obey. It could save their lives. Lord, thank you for giving us a second chance today. Thank you for causing me to see some things that I need to change. Thank you for these precious, little lives you’ve trusted me with. Armor us as parents and help us to be strong and alert and not weary so that we can continue and press on toward this challenge of taking care of our children.
In Jesus’ Name I Pray…Amen.
by Amy | Aug 1, 2013 | confessional
I’m really struggling this morning. And you know what? I’m sick of the word “struggling” being part of my vocabulary. We all struggle, don’t we? So I don’t want to give myself an out by saying that I’m struggling, but the truth is–I am.
My back has been killing me these last 2 days and I have been having a really hard time sleeping. I think it feels much better today than it did yesterday, but it is still really painful. If that were all, I think I could probably handle it. But when I’m out of commission for any reason, everything else seems to fall apart. Thomas has had to take on the kids and even stayed home from work yesterday to help out, but he also had to work from home, so this caused a lot of tension in our household. It’s just very easy to get used to things being done in a certain way, and the kids have certain expectations about what we are going to do from day to day. It’s challenging when those expectations are met with disappointment because Mommy is a lame duck and can’t do anything.
Yesterday, by 6pm, they were stir crazy. We all were. I could barely walk. Thomas was trying hard to get work done. And the boys desperately wanted to go to the pool. I felt bad all day that I couldn’t do anything with them. If I could have taken them on my own, I would have done that in a heartbeat. But I could barely move. Thomas was feeling the pressure of their constant requests and kept prolonging the situation by holding them off and trying to get more work done. What ended up happening is he made some big mistakes because he couldn’t focus his attention solely on what he was trying to do and it cost him dearly. I was so angry at him for even attempting to work when I was in such dire straits. And he was so angry and stressed about all the responsibility being placed on him and all he still needed to do workwise. It was a perfect storm. There were a few yells and screams and stomps and toy trips that led to toy kicks (on our part) followed by frustration and tension and more yelling (by the kids). Thankfully, we ended up finally getting out of the house and went to the pool all in one piece. We actually ended up having a pretty good time. And the kids wore themselves out, so that was good. I just hate that it had to come to yelling and screaming and extreme tension in our household for us to take a step back and realize what is really important. I wish we could just be more prepared for things like this and have a system in place. These are the times you really feel alone in the world. There was really no one we could call upon and say, “hey…you know what? We’re spent…we’re over the edge…can you come and get the kids so we can sort this out and have a break?!” Nope…it was just us. In a way, I’m really glad we don’t have the option of relying on anyone else. Maybe we’d take the easy road too often if we knew we could. It is so hard raising a family and keeping everything together – esp. when they are young and so needy.
Yesterday, while we were at the pool, I was sitting there noticing several families. One woman was lounging on a lounge chair sipping something from her huge thermal cup. She seemed pretty content. She seemed pretty relaxed. “When will that be me?” I thought. But then I looked over at my little ones jumping around with their huge water wings and life vests on just squealing with glee to be thrown up in the air in the pool, and I thought, “But I’ll really miss this.” It’s true. I will really miss their ages right now and this sweet stage of our lives when they are little, so cute and so utterly dependent on us as their providers and protectors. I love my kids, and I don’t really ever want them to grow up. Deep down, I really just wish there was some way to meld the two scenarios together: Getting to have sweet, precious little kids running around the house and having built-in breaks for sanity and reflection from time to time. I guess it would be possible if we’d plan it and make it a priority. I think we just get so caught up in what has to be done that we don’t take time for ourselves like we need to.
That’s just it. We get caught up. We get lost in the jolting, spinning winds of this tornado of life we live in. I’ve never actually experienced a real live tornado, but I sometimes feel the metaphor is all too accurate when you have small children. There are moments (while they are sleeping) when peace is all around. There appears to be an abundance of space and time and logical reasoning. In your heart of hearts you actually believe that you have control during these short, precious moments, and you ponder why you don’t do more in your life and get more done throughout your day. Questions actually come to my mind like, “Why don’t I have a better handle on things? This isn’t so bad. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get it together?? Get a grip, Amy!!!” Then they wake up. The order I once imagined and the day that I had planned so thoughtfully in my mind gets caught up in the spinning dust of this frantically moving whirlwind they single-handedly create. They twirl through the house leaving nothing untouched in their paths. They instantly wake up with needs that never seem to go away as long as their eyes are open. They are loud. They are demanding. They have expectations. They have very specific needs that must be met…or else. By 5pm almost every day, I look around me and think to myself (and sometimes outloud), “What in the just happened here?” I had planned to do this or that. I had hoped to enjoy our day and get a few things done that actually need to be done. And yet, all plans I had previously had eluded me as the day went on. The whirlwind grew stronger and I grew weaker and more fragile. How did this happen?!
So here I am. I’m struggling. My lower back is a wreck. My house is a mess. And I don’t just mean my house as in these physical four walls I live in. When I say my house, I’m referring to everything in my life…my home – my ability to get my kitchen in order and have what I need on hand for lunches and dinner; our family budget; the boys’ clothes cleaned out and sorted (so I know what fits and what doesn’t); the pictures that need to be taken down or hung; the friends who need to be called back; the emails that need to be returned; the bills that need to be paid; the memories that need to be captured; the people I want to serve; the devotions I want to have; the blog posts I want to write. You get the picture. Everything is out of whack when we don’t have time to focus and get things done every now and then. And for me, right now everything is out of whack. I want to be organized. I want to be focused. I want to be on the ball and have things under control more than EVER! But somehow, this all eludes me. It just doesn’t ever seem to happen – unless I burn extreme midnight oil and then I’m an even bigger wreck than I was before.
So what gives? Who has this figured out? I’ve always enjoyed reading biographies about people who are successful at whatever they accomplished. I’d love to read about a Mother of 2 boys who was successful at keeping her crap together. I’m serious. Where is she? I need her formula! I’m dyin’ over here! I’m desperate for some answers and some foolproof strategies. I’m desperate for a system that allows me to enjoy these precious pups and not feel like the world is collapsing in utter shambles all around me while I’m left here with the daunting task of “enjoying every moment…because it goes by so fast!”
If you know this woman, send her my way. We need to talk.
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me for trying to do everything in and of my own physical strength. I am trying so hard. Who isn’t? I want the very best for my children, but I feel like I can’t give them the very best until I have had some time to get well again and get some things in order. Not just silly things. But really necessary things. Help me get through this time and not just endure but really enjoy and soak up this special, precious season of life. Help me to find some space and time in my day (like I did this morning by getting up at 4:51am) without being a total wreck from sleep deprivation. Help me to make things simpler in my life; to get things streamlined so that it doesn’t take so much mental/physical effort to accomplish the mundane tasks. Forgive me for my lack of consistency and discipline. If I woke up every morning early there’s no end to the things I could accomplish. If I did little things here and there on an every day basis, I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed. Help me with that, Lord.
Thank you for being my strength and my shield. Thank you for loving me even when I’m unlovable. Thank you for allowing me moments of joy even when my face and my inner being feels like scowling.
Grant us peace today, Lord. Grant us rest.
Amen
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