dying daily
I am humbled by a message that has been delivered to me over and over, but that I’m only now really understanding as I attempt and many times fail in this juggling act of being a wife, mother of two young boys, a housekeeper, cook, singer and small business owner…and blogger :).
Throughout my life, I’ve learned the concept that anything we pursue of great worth requires incredible tenacity, unrelenting perseverance and a chiseled, unwaivering purpose. I have always known that to be true for Olympic athletes and those, like myself, who have pursued their art to a professional degree, but I am only now realizing it to also be true for my marriage, raising my children and chiefly, maintaining a close walk with Jesus Christ.
In other words, we can’t just go through life expecting things to come easily. Just like eating the right foods and regularly exercising are extremely difficult tasks for most, so is the daily challenge of raising our children with purpose, letting our spouses know we long to be with them and setting aside quality time for our Lord.
I think my biggest challenge is thinking that things should be easy or that they are easy for others. I struggle. I really do. I no longer begin my morning on Monday to find that it’s already Thursday and I haven’t accomplished hardly anything I had set out to do in my week. Sometimes days go by before I get a chance to look through my mail, make a phone call to someone or write a quick email. But I know I’m not alone. We are all struggling with this, aren’t we?
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for allowing me to come to you today with this great burden — the burden of balance. I am humbled by my body’s physical weariness and inability to stick to routines, to stay focused and accomplish the things that are really important to me. I am also humbled by the thought that so many others are struggling with this and beating themselves up (as I often do) because of their lack of time, lack of energy and lack of resources.
Help us, Lord, to persevere like athletes, run the race and fight the fight. When we are weary and weak, pick us up, Lord and give us strength to keep going. Give us rest, Lord, renew our strength and restore our souls.
Amen
This balancing act of motherhood/womanhood is not an easy one. It takes the tenacity, perseverance and purpose of an Olympian to get even half of it right. It is natural to feel torn. It is natural to feel weary. It is natural to feel defeated. Our hearts long to serve You, be the best wives and mothers and sisters and friends. Our heart longs to give more of our time and resources. My heart longs to play with and read to my children and really see them when I look in their little eyes; spend quality time in prayer and devotion and let the Lord transform my heart; spend quality time in uninterrupted conversation with my husband and love on him rather than briefly brushing by him in the hallway as we both set off to take care of the kids or the house.I long to get my singing chops back and get dive into some beautiful repertoire that my voice was made to sing; I long to be a wonderful and inspiring voice teacher, get my little children’s choir singing beautifully and finally get those family photos organized and put in a book.
Today I’m reminded of what Paul said in I Corinthians 15:31-“I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.” When taken in context of the scriptures that came before and after this verse, Paul is talking about how he is not worthy of God’s grace, how he struggles with the huge responsibility he has of teaching the Word of God and how his flesh must die daily in order to let Christ renew him and be filled with the spirit of God. I also take this as an amazing Christian example of how meticulous and deliberate we need to be about letting our own needs, our own agendas, our own inadequacies die so that He may pick us up and create His will through us.
Not my will, but thine.
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