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Reflecting on 2013

by Amy | Jan 1, 2014 | mama confessions

I have really been avoiding posting on this blog over the past few months.  It’s not because I didn’t have anything to write about.  I always have something to write about.  But I have avoided it because I haven’t been consistent with it like I’ve wanted to be this year, and like anything, once you stumble off the wagon, it’s really hard to get back on.  I’m a perfectionist in the sense that I hate being inconsistent.  In my mind, if I can’t give 100% and be really good at something, I don’t want to do it at all.  But therein lies a real tragedy:  We don’t end up doing anything!  That’s me.

So, here I am again.  Inconsistently blogging, and I highly doubt, with a baby on the way this week, things will change anytime soon.  But I’m vowing that, in 2014 I’m going to be OK with that.  I’m also going to be OK with attempting other things I can’t do 100% — homeschooling my oldest, cooking dinners, keeping the house clean, keeping up with laundry, corresponding with friends and family and the list goes on and on.

Over the past few weeks, as I’ve had some down time awaiting our newest addition, I’ve had some time to reflect on this past year, and I really want to share this with you and how much God has blessed our family through some unforeseen, challenging circumstances.

Our 2013 started out just a little rocky as we dealt with medical issues surrounding my son Tate’s unexpected seizures and brain inflammation in November 2012.  We were, at best, coping with all the information we had been given, all the questions, all the upcoming appointments and procedures, and perhaps more daunting, all the medical bills.  I can’t exactly put into words the sense of overwhelm we felt as parents of a young boy who had medical issues with no diagnosis and no treatment in sight.  We sought out alternative medicine in the form of chiropractic care, herbs and acupressure in addition to making countless phone calls with specialists at the children’s hospital on his behalf, contemplating all the possible reasons he was going through what we was going through and giving him medication that was merely a bandage for the symptoms he was having while witnessing the side effects they caused him.  We prayed.  We went to appointments.  We neglected other areas of our lives.  We attempted to put on a happy face and shuffle through life like a normal family even though nothing about how we were feeling and thinking was normal.

As our year progressed, the initial shock and disruption subsided and we were able to assume a new normal in our family.  This normal was a lot like our previous normal — only it involved watching our son’s every move, having weekly conversations and visits with doctors and giving my son his medication and acupressure treatments multiple times a day.  We adapted.  And so did he.  No diagnosis was ever given, but we were elated that he was doing well and his seizures seemed to go away completely.

In addition to my son’s issues, we’ve been concerned about our extended families and some other situations going on with them, our own finances — which took a huge hit from all of the medical bills and expenses surrounding that, my vocal studio’s lack of enrollment, my lack of time and energy to do anything about it, and therefore, that lack of income, a sad, unexplained situation with our church which led us to another church, normal sicknesses and other every day occurrences that you don’t even think twice about unless you are already feeling pushed over the edge.  Oh yeah, and finding out we were expecting another baby!

In many ways, our lives were no different than anyone else’s life this year.  Everyone has his/her very own set of trials, joys, concerns and challenges.  Just while trying to write this post, I realized that my site had been hacked and while my content was still there, the design of my website has been distorted.  I mean, COME ON!  But I digress…

I said all that to say, despite 2013’s challenges, I am so grateful for this year.  It has taught me a lot personally, and it has helped to mold and shape our little family in ways beyond my imagination.  We are still growing…we are still being molded and shaped, but we are stronger for having gone through all of this.  Life has not been perfect, and since I am a perfectionist by nature, it has helped me to let loose of my tight grip and come to terms with all the imperfections.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still get caught up in the day-to-day frustrations of my house not being as clean as I’d like or not having it together.  I’d still like to be able to prioritize and manage my time a little better and get more done.  I’d like to attempt to find a balance in my life between spending quality time with my kids and continuing to take care of myself so I can be the best Mommy I can be and earn a stable second income as well.  These are all of my hopes and goals for 2014.  I want to figure some things out.  I want to learn the balance, but be content with the lack of balance I will experience on most days with 3 kids under the age of 5.  I want to enjoy life and cherish every moment.

Happy 2014!!  May this be a blessed year for us all 🙂