by Amy | Jul 9, 2017 | mama work, struggle
I’m coming to the table today with nothin’. Nothin’ but commiseration, that is. Summer hit and my momentum went out the door along with spilled milk all over my already dirty floors, chaos and clutter to clean up EVERYWHERE, cutting up watermelon into the perfect, bite-sized cubes, making lemonade by the gallon, fighting off my children’s tendency toward t.v. and tablets in lieu of water guns, bubbles and bike rides…and of course, family trips to the beach. I’m trying to savor this time with my children since I love summer and I love having them home. Well, sort of. 🙂 No, I really do. And I keep thinking, “This is the reason why I’m doing all this, right? This is why I’m working my butt off and trying to make this work: For my family!” But finding time to work and think and create and build momentum in my business has quickly become a notion that has way too easily slipped out of my unmoisturized fingers and into the long-forgotten crevices behind my couch cushions. No matter how much I’ve tried to plan ahead and how much I’ve tried to prepare for this moment, I apparently just didn’t plan enough and prepare myself (and my children) for the fact that things have changed in our family, and Mommy is now a Working Mommy. It’s that simple. I didn’t plan for my work time. I’ve been so busy keeping my 3 children busy and out of trouble and tending to all their constant (and many) needs that I didn’t actively plan to have down time where someone else was taking care of them, and I was working and continuing to create and keep this business thing going. It’s OK. Lesson learned. There’s still time to recuperate and regain momentum and pick myself back up again (off the sandy beaches and sticky, milk-laden kitchen floors). But, note to self: This is hard to do once the momentum’s been lost!
I write this, not because it’s some epic post that lays out all the wisdom and all the steps to overcome obstacles and small business hurdles. But I write it out of a special empathetic place in my heart that wishes to relate to my readers who are also struggling to build and keep momentum in their businesses in the face of summer and crazy, chaotic households. They say the first year of any business is the hardest to get started and to keep going. The money isn’t really flowing in just yet. The creativity and drive are there, but the structure and honed skills and exact niche isn’t quite put together yet. That’s where I am. Right in the center of it. I don’t exactly have customers who are expecting my work to be done and paying me. Yet. So now is the time when I need to produce anyway — even when I feel that no one is noticing. Even when I don’t have the time I had while all the kids were in school. Now is the time to get my proverbial $h!t together and get ‘er done in the face of a loud house and a silent, rather inactive customer base. Now is the time to build the framework and foundation, despite the uncertainty that it will ever produce anything.
I knew this would be hard. I knew there would be challenges. But I didn’t know that I would actually be the biggest challenge. My mind. My inner dialogue. My own lack of planning. My own uncertainty about what it is I’m trying to accomplish. My own self-defeat. My own self-doubt.
I had a conversation with one of my Mommy friends while our kids were playing alongside us at the pool the other day. She and I hadn’t seen each other or caught up in a while, and I was trying to explain to her what I have been doing after I quit my desk job at Apple. Usually, I make it a rule not to go into much detail about what I’m doing because I personally don’t handle other people’s uncertainty or genuine concern very well. I feel it’s better kept under wraps until I’m a little further along and producing something that is tangible in my business. But her comments, while innocent and supportive, really got to me. She said, “Wow. It sounds like you’re still in the phase of self-discovery and figuring this all out. That’s so awesome what you’re trying to do.” What she said was really sweet and from a good place. But how I took it threw me off. “Self discovery?” “What I’m trying to do???” Those phrases made me question everything! Funny how a 5 minute conversation can conger up so many insecurities. It was good. Don’t get me wrong. And in a way, she’s right. I’m not there yet. I am trying to do something. I’m doing the work. I’m learning. But I haven’t quite figured out what my exact niche is just yet here. I know it will come. But this questioning phase that I’m going through is real. It is hard. It is causing me to second guess everything. Is this the right path? Am I really passionate about this? So what if I spent a pretty good-sized portion of my life learning how to sing and teach voice lessons. Is this REALLY what I want to do? And bigger yet, is this something I can REALLY earn money doing online? Do I know enough? Am I known enough for people to want to learn from me? Who really cares what little ol’ me has to say? Who in the world will pay attention and actually buy my product? My service? My course? What if I spend countless hours and a great deal of money working on this and don’t get anywhere with it? What if no one shows up to buy?
And the answer to all these questions is simply: I’m not sure.
And you know why I’m most likely not sure? I haven’t been working on my business diligently for a few weeks. I’m not really in the game, so to speak. I haven’t been investing my heart, mind and soul in this and giving it my all. These circumstances haven’t been completely out of my hands, but somehow, I don’t feel like I can really control them. I mean, how do you justify hiring a babysitter to watch your kids while you work when you’re not really earning anything? This is their summer too. I need to be there for them, right?
So, sure I’m going to feel some amount of uncertainty! And sure I’m going to question myself and everything I’ve been working hard at doing prior to this summer whirlwind! It’s just not where my heart is right now.
Even while writing this post, I’ve had kids interrupting me asking me questions. I’ve had my 3-year-old little girl pushing buttons on my computer about to delete the whole post and I’ve tried to move her hand and caused her to cry and have a complete meltdown that I needed to calm her down from.
The list is long, but the time I truly have to knock it out is so short.
Exhaustion.
Frustration.
Defeat.
Those are all words that come to mind here lately when it comes to my business. And I’m just being honest.
Because, yes, I’d love to savor my children’s youth and play with them and do all the summer things and make memories. But I also need to create an income that I can do from my computer and a few pieces of purchased equipment so I can be home with them and do these things. I’ve felt the pain of working full time away from them. I don’t ever want to go back there again. But if I don’t get disciplined and figure this work from home thing out, I may soon have to. That’s a lot of pressure!
So, today I’m brushing off the blowing off. I’m coming out of vacation mode and getting serious again. I’m finding my groove and not just making time for this business — this newborn baby that needs to be fed, changed, held carefully and loved — but I’m fighting for it with all my gusto. And today…this post, is my new beginning. Clean slate. I’ve got to make this work. And if you’re still reading this, I have a feeling you do too!
I want to encourage you today, whether you’ve fallen off a bit or taken your vacation time a little too loosely: Don’t give up! Make time. Cultivate and create. Dream. Plan ahead. Create the space. And get back to work!
You can do it, and so can I!
xoxo,
Your Fellow Unleasher
What are some ways you personally feel like you’ve fallen off and lost momentum?
Let me know in the comments below…
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![Part 3 – The Challenges of Singing]()
by Amy | Jul 5, 2017 | practicing, singing
This week and next, I’m wrapping up my 4-part series called Getting Back to Singing. Why have I taken the time to spend 4 blog posts on this topic? Because I talk to so many people who tell me they used to sing, but for whatever reason, they feel they can no longer make it work in their lives. There just isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough opportunity. They feel they’ve strayed too far and would need significant training in order to get their voices back in shape. Whatever the reason is, they aren’t singing anymore…but deep down, they want to be.
So far, in Part 1, we discovered our why for singing and in Part 2, we unwrapped the pain of not singing. Throughout this post, however, I want to talk about some of the challenges we face when we attempt to start singing and offer you some solutions for making singing a priority again in your life while overcoming the not-so-unique hurdles we all face.
Here are some challenges I often hear and personally experience and some possible solutions to those challenges:
Challenge #1: Time
The first challenge I hear many people talk about is time. As we get older and have more responsibilities like demanding jobs, mortgages to pay and children to feed and care for, we soon realize that everything else, whether consciously or unconsciously, gets put on the back burner. We may forego a lot of things we used to love like sports, painting, learning a new skill, reading, travel, and of course, singing becomes one of those many things that just falls to the bottom of our priority list.
Solution:
While I can attest to the extreme difficulty of finding time in our busy schedules to practice and invite music back into our lives, I can tell you that it is not as impossible as it may seem. Like any endeavor we set out to do, we know that if we fail to plan we plan to fail. Simply put, planning to sing and actually writing or typing it into our schedule is one of the biggest hurdles we can overcome. Maybe you can’t sing for hours on end like you used to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sing at all. Schedule in a few minutes every day to tend to your voice. It may be 10 minutes here or 15 minutes there, but the point is: you’re singing! Try not to be down on yourself when you miss a day. Just sing when you can. But sing!
Challenge #2: Resources
While we may have once spent quite a bit of our earnings on vocal training, CDs (I know this dates me) and new sheet music, we may find that we just don’t have the leftover funds in our budget to do any of these things anymore. Depending on where you live, the cost of voice lessons can average anywhere from $50 – $150 per hour, and since you really need to be consistent in pursuing lessons if you want to see any difference, that can add up to a big chunk of change per month if you go all in. If you are anything like me, I am trying to cut back rather than find places to spend our family’s income, so the idea of taking voice lessons might be a stretch — especially if you’re on a budget.
Solution:
Paying for a voice teacher or buying sheet music no longer has to be a huge expense like it once was. With free online tutorials (like I provide here and on my YouTube channel) and downloadable audio warm-ups you can get by signing up for my newsletter, you can be well on your way to singing freely and effortlessly in weeks without spending a dime! With Spotify, you can listen to your favorite songs you want to learn and even get a karaoke/instrumental version to sing along with for a free subscription or a monthly paid subscription under $15/monthly. Sheet music can be found through your local library, online at a low cost or even free if the music isn’t copyrighted or you have a friend or a church you could borrow from. Money should never be a deterrent to singing — especially when we are able to get so much information so easily — for free!
Challenge #3: Confidence
It can be extremely difficult to get back on the wagon and put yourself out there if you haven’t sung in a while, but one of the biggest reasons I hear about has to do with confidence. Many people feel like they’ve strayed too far for too long and just don’t have what it takes anymore. It’s also possible that a previous performance opportunity didn’t quite go as planned and that’s made you leery of jumping back in. Confidence, or the lack thereof, can be a major player when it comes to not singing. But it shouldn’t be.
Solution:
While I can’t wave a magic wand and make you confident again, I can tell you that the act of practicing and working on your voice on a regular basis like I suggest can be all the ingredients you are needing to regain confidence in singing. A wonderful singing friend of mine has always encouraged me by telling me nonchalantly, “It’s just like riding a bike.” And truthfully, it is. Your voice is your voice. Not much has changed with it since you last sang. Dusting it off and getting it to do what you want it to do is just a matter of starting and working on it for a little bit every day. It’s not rocket science!
If you are truly one of those people who struggles with confidence in general, I can relate to your angst. However, I have found that the more you do something — anything, really — you will gain more confidence in doing it. Sing at your local library during story hour. Sing at the children’s hospital or for a nursing home. Sing with your neighbors and go caroling at Christmastime. You don’t have to land a lead spot with the band or a solo just yet. Ease in and schedule some volunteer singing time where there’s no pressure or anxiety on the line. The more you can ease into it and let go of your fear of performing, the easier it will be!
Challenge #4: Space
While you once may have had a sacred space of your own where you could go and chisel out your technique or learn a song, you may find that you no longer have a place to practice in solitude. If your family has grown (like mine), it’s easy for a practice space to turn into a child’s room or a home office or a catch-all space for everything you need to store. For years, my studio became a storage space for holiday decor and wrapping supplies. The thought of going in there to sing made no sense with all the clutter I would have had to face in that room. Finding a space to sing can sometimes be one of the biggest challenges we face, but it is an important and often-forgotten key to successfully getting back to singing again!
Solution:
While there is no one-way solution to creating your space to sing, you can simply begin by creating a make-shift, temporary space to sing while you deconstruct another space that’s more permanent. The reason I say “temporary” is because I have a feeling, if you’re like me, you will fret over the space not being exactly what you want it to be, and because of this, you will never sing. We’re funny creatures, aren’t we? So, when we make a temporary space, we are saying to ourselves, “This is OK for now…but eventually, I want it to be a different space that makes me feel joyful and allows me to focus on my singing (instead of the clutter or noise around me).” In this space, we aren’t perfectionists. We aren’t looking for something to fix or repair or clean. We are simply going there to sing. As we begin to spend more and more time there, we will make it more personalized for us. I can’t tell you how much I love this idea of creating our space to sing! It gets my juices flowing!
OK, so there ya have it! I’ve listed some of the top challenges people face when getting back to singing and some solutions to those challenges. I will readily admit that I haven’t listed all the possible challenges that include what you may be personally going through, or this post would be a mile long. I’m well aware that your own personal challenges may be greater than the ones I’ve listed. Some of you are going through huge life changes or you’re working 3 jobs to make ends meet or you’ve got a physical limitation that is affecting your ability to do what you used to do. Obviously, I’m not referring to you if your challenges are greater than the ones I’ve listed. But I will say that every season has its own set of unique hurdles to overcome and pretty much everything is figureoutable. So if you’re not in a place where you can start singing right now, have faith, my friend. You will be in that place again soon.
Today, I’ve included a free printable for you to download, print out and fill out. On this sheet, I want you to list your own personal challenges to singing and then attempt to list the solutions. You’ve probably already thought of a few solutions while reading this post. So let’s get clear, shall we?
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Comments? Questions? Let me know!
Happy Singing!
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