This past week I was able to semi-look outside of myself and say, “Amy…you will be OK and tomorrow is a new day.”  After 37 years, you would think I would grasp this timeless truth and know that I’m not going crazy.  Well, maybe I am a little crazy.  But the point is, usually…in all my years of flipping out, I am fine the next day…or maybe, the next week…but, I’m always eventually fine again.  I may be changed by an experience or a mood swing, but in the end, I always seem to live through it.

I love what Tony Robbins says — that it takes being in a place of pain to make a radical change in your life.  This is sad but so true.  He uses the example of the 300 lb. person who has to buy two plane tickets instead of one because the seats aren’t big enough.  For me, the pain has been letting myself slip through the cracks.  I thought I was capable of enduring that.  You don’t realize how quickly and unnoticeably you can just begin to stop caring about yourself and your own needs until it’s already happened.  And, I love that Renee Trudeau points out that making self care a priority doesn’t have anything to do with pampering or pedicures or shopping splurges.  This is about normal everyday self-care.  This is about giving yourself a time out and putting all else aside in order to breathe and be and feel and unwind and regroup.

I just spoke with my wonderful friend and neighbor, Eleanor, and she mentioned to me how she makes Friday evenings her Mommy time.  After she gets the kids fed, she sneaks out of the house for some alone time.  She said that sometimes she just goes to Target…or Starbucks…or Barnes and Noble, but the point is, she’s alone.  I love that idea!  She also mentioned that when she stays home and tries to take time for herself, the downtime never happens and she ends up feeling frustrated and resentful.  Even if her husband leaves with the kids, she still looks around the house and sees things that are begging to be done.

This is SO true!  I always thought it was my anal retentive nature that needs everything a certain way.  That might have been the case before having children, but now, the issue has more to do with pressing things that absolutely, unquestionably need to be done.  When you have kids, you can’t let the laundry go (at least not for too long).  You can’t not plan what you’re having for dinner (at least not every night).  You simply always have something that needs to be done.  And, inevitably, when you’re trying to take care of your own needs, you will most likely (like my girlfriend Jenn) be faced with a sick kid, a pressing deadline at work, a babysitter who cancels or countless other things that demand for you to, once again, put yourself aside.

All that said, I love my life.  I do not say anything to complain, but merely to attempt to shed some light on how I must move forward and redefine what self care now means for me.  Like I said in a previous post, self care used to be things like manicures, bubble baths, going to the salon and getting my hair done, reading a good book or phoning a friend.  Now, I still enjoy those things, but self care must take on a new meaning for me.  Even if I can only grab it in 5 minute increments, I have to set aside time to breathe and recenter.  It’s like putting the oxygen mask on myself before I can put it on my kids. 

Throughout the months of October and November, I wrote gratitude lists at the end of all my posts.  I loved this, but now I am going to change things up a bit and start a project on self care.  For each post, I will attempt to list or state something I would like to do in order to make me feel better.  It’s like a commitment to writing morning pages from Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way.  My long time friend Sarah and I always used to send each other lists of things we should do to help zap a mean red day, so some of my goals might closely resemble that.

So, without further ado…

1. Today, I took time to make a yummy pot of chili for dinner tonight.  This feeds my soul as well as my tummy.  Can’t wait to eat it. 
2. I am writing this blog post while the kids are sleeping instead of picking up the house, putting dishes in the dishwasher or putting laundry away.
3. Tonight I will pick out a good book to start reading and it won’t be a self help book or a book about child rearing or babies.

Baby just woke up!  Gotta go!