OK, I’ve been really bad about blogging…on here…on my Mommy Blog…and everywhere else.  I want to get better.  I feel like I’m missing precious opportunities doing other meaningless things, so I’ve just GOT to get it together.

This morning (2:10am) I want to make it brief because I’m dog tired.  So tired I can’t even think straight.  But, I need to write this, and I need to give it to God.

Today we almost lost Tate…and when I say “almost lost” I am not casually saying I almost lost him in Walmart.  We almost lost him forever.  Oh to even WRITE those words sends chills down my spine and waters up my eyes.  We were at a friend’s neighborhood pool.  We had just arrived and I had already slathered sunscreen on both boys.  We had talked in the car about how both boys were going to IMMEDIATELY put on their water wings before we went into the pool.  We got there and I put everything on Julian while Tate ran off.  At her awesome pool, there is an area that is JUST a splash pad, so he was over there checking that out.  Then they have an area that is just a little baby pool.  He went over there.  Then one of the big pools is a zero entry pool that only goes to 4′ (or so I thought), so I wasn’t too worried since he’s a little over 4′, but I still wanted him to get those water wings on.  He didn’t listen.  I tried to relax a bit because he has been improving as a really good little swimmer this summer (despite my ability to get them in formal swimming lessons) and he’s been really confident.  There was hardly anyone at the pool either, so I knew where he was at all times.

My girlfriend and I sat down at a little table so she could finish her lunch and were catching up.  It had been ages since we last saw each other!  I was telling her how much easier it’s been this summer taking the boys to the pool and how much more relaxed I had become because they were both such good swimmers and then I turned around and saw him out in the distance.  He had crept into the deeper part of the pool (4’4″) without my noticing, and he couldn’t keep his head above water.  FEAR!  PANIC!  RUN!  I hadn’t even had the chance to take off my cover-up yet, so I ran out into the water and threw it off (into the water) and swam out to get him.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to go too far, but he had already been bobbing and unable to breathe for much longer than he can normally hold his breath.  I pulled him up into my arms and patted him on the back several times really hard.  He was struggling to get that first breath again and gasping for air.  I patted him a few more times and he eventually gasped and took that first breath and burped and coughed.  Oh Lord, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saving his little life!!  I carried him back to the table where we were sitting and he coughed a few more times and as I held him closely, I could feel his little heart beating outside of his chest.  Mine was too.

Oh Dear God, there are no words.  I know this will probably not be the last time I come face-to-face with a close encounter that turns our world upside down.  I just hope and pray I don’t ever have to experience something that horrific again.  I would die if something happened to my kids.  I would never forgive myself.  We’ve already had a rough year dealing with all of his medical issues and feeling like we’re swimming upstream trying to solve that mystery.  That turned our world upside down and inside out back in November 2012.  But to actually lose one of our children to an unnecessary accident?  Nope.  I couldn’t live through that.  I won’t.

So this “little” ordeal hopefully taught us all a lesson or two.  It taught me that I can’t ever ever ever RELAX again or assume he knows what he’s doing when he refuses to do what I ask him to do and take all safety precautions.  It hopefully taught him to listen to me and have a little fear where water is concerned.  I don’t want him to fear water, but I want him to not have false confidence that he’ll be OK in the water without his gear or knowing how to swim first.  That reminds me — I’ve gotta call that swim instructor and get them set up!!!

Already in just a few short years, I’m learning more and more that parenting is such hard work.  I’m blessed that we have had second chances in situations like today.  Some people don’t get a second chance or a do-over.  Today could have changed our lives forever.  I shutter to think that I could have lost our sweet, precious little Tate.  He and Julian are everything to us.  I also realize how quickly and easily we go from a life-threatening situation like this that stops our world in its tracks and we move past it and forget about it within a day or two.  Life goes on as usual.  That is such an odd feature in the human brain.  But I don’t want to ever forget this.  I want to take this life lesson, this opportunity, this near-death experience to take a step back and reevaluate what is important.  I want to provide every measure for my kids to learn safety and be informed and prepared for as much as they possibly can.  And I want to treasure all of these moments with them.  They are so precious.  They are so few.

Not only that, but these little ones depend solely on us for their survival.  What a huge responsibility we have as parents.  It is my responsibility to teach them how to listen to me.  They can’t go around thinking that there won’t be severe consequences for not actively listening and following directions.  This has been such a challenging stage with Tate especially in this regard.  He does not listen to us nearly as often as he should.  Sometimes we get really angry and make him listen.  Other times we let it go because we feel like we are harping and ranting and nagging.  And let’s face it, sometimes it’s just too damn hard to make your kids do something against their will.  Sometimes it’s just easier to say, “Oh well…” and second-guess ourselves and think that what we are asking them to do is not that important anyway.  NEWSFLASH:  When they are this age, EVERYTHING we ask them to do is important because it’s teaching them that very very basic, fundamental skill of listening and obeying us.  They have to learn it.  It’s imperative that they learn it.  If we don’t take ourselves seriously, they won’t take us seriously.

So yeah…I want this to stick.  I want this to enforce change in our household starting…now.

Thank you, Dear Lord, for sparing my precious son’s life today.  He is currently in his bed asleep, and he is breathing, and I’m so grateful for his breath.  I’m so grateful he was smart enough to bob up and down and try to swim until I got there.  I’m so hopeful that this taught him a valuable lesson.  But I’m even more hopeful that this taught me a valuable lesson.  What I say, ask, require of my children is important.  But it’s only important if I make it important.  I can’t let up.  I can’t let go.  I can’t give them wiggle room to disobey me or not listen to what I’m saying.  They have to realize how important it is to listen and obey.  It could save their lives.  Lord, thank you for giving us a second chance today. Thank you for causing me to see some things that I need to change.  Thank you for these precious, little lives you’ve trusted me with.  Armor us as parents and help us to be strong and alert and not weary so that we can continue and press on toward this challenge of taking care of our children.

In Jesus’ Name I Pray…Amen.