by Amy | Sep 8, 2012 | mama confessions
Oh…is all I can say. I have been searching for a moment…ONE moment where I can have a little peace and quiet and actually write or do something without interruption. But the moment never comes. I guess I have to learn to sneak away in small moments like these — when my husband is giving our two boys a bath–and just relish in the 3 or 4 minutes of peace I get here and there. Outside of that, there’s no chance I will ever write anything here again.
Wow! This week has been a whirlwind! My son started preschool this past Tuesday. Truthfully, it’s just a Mothers’ Day Out program, but it feels like a huge thing to have him gone for 4 hours 2 days a week. I know I’ll get used to it and actually learn to enjoy it soon. For now, it just feels weird. But, I know it’s a good thing!
Anyway…I don’t have much time as I hear my youngest screaming in the bathtub on the other side of the house, and I think my husband is already at his wit’s end — even though he’s only been alone with our kids for a mere 30 minutes so far today. Ughh…sorry, that was not meant to be a jab. I’m just so OVER IT!
So let’s be real, shall we? I’m once again finding that I’m a bit…or let’s say a LOT overwhelmed. I’m not overwhelmed in the same way that I found myself this time last year. No, that was a naive overwhelmed. That was a flailing my arms through the air swimming upstream with my head barely above water kind of overwhelmed because I didn’t know the path ahead of me yet. I wasn’t aware of what was to come. I had a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 month old this time last year. I had NO idea!! And I didn’t have the rhythm of this whole thing down.
Now fast forward a year. I’m well aware of what’s ahead. I have an almost 4 year old and an almost 16 month old. They are both active and amazing little boys that require a lot of my time and energy. They are amazing and a lot of fun. That’s for sure. I am still tired, but not as tired as I was then. And now, at least, I feel like I have the rhythm down. I know what to expect. Things are fairly predictable. So why am I overwhelmed? Because it’s hard. It’s hard to juggle Motherhood and all it entails, work and all it entails, the household and all it entails and relationships of any kind and all they entail. I find this balance to be very tricky. You excel in one area and then fail miserably in another. When you start to pick up the slack in another area, the others start to fall apart. Very tricky.
I say all this not to complain, but merely to make sense of it all. That’s what writing helps me to do. I also realize over and over again what drains me and what gives me energy. If I could only pay attention to the things that give me energy! That could help, right? It’s not that easy though.
Anyway…enough about what gives me energy. I need to get some work done and then hopefully attempt to get to bed at a decent time tonight. That would give me some energy for sure.
Happy Weekend Everyone!
by Amy | Sep 4, 2012 | mama confessions, Uncategorized
Well, tomorrow is Tate’s very first day of preschool! It’s more like a “Mother’s Day Out”. Call it what you will, but it feels weird to me. I am so excited for him and I know we are all ready for this day. But, I can’t help but feel like he is slipping out of my reach. Sweet Little Guy! I love him so much!!! I still can’t believe he’s almost 4 years old! This doesn’t seem possible. And he’s growing so quickly as each day passes.
Last week, we went out and bought him a new “spaceship lunch box” at Target. He is very proud of it and always wants to take it with us when we go somewhere where we need to take our food. On Saturday, I finally convinced him that he needed to get a hair cut for school, and he didn’t fight me on it. We went to a kids’ hair stylist in town and he did great! The cut is very cute on him, and when we left he said very excitedly, “Mom! I didn’t even CRY!!!” lol He didn’t. He was a big boy!!
Other than that, we have completely taken the casual approach. For starters, I have no idea what he will wear tomorrow, and that probably doesn’t matter because he usually ends up wearing whatever he wants anyway. He is pretty stubborn that way. I hope I can convince him to at least wear something that matches and looks good. I will also be sure to pack an extra change of undies and shorts because he’s been going through them like crazy lately with little accidents here and there.
Anyway, we will see how it goes tomorrow. I am praying that everything will go as smoothly as possible and that he will LOVE it!!! Whatever the case, the day will be wrought with anticipation.
Help us God!
by Amy | Sep 4, 2012 | mama confessions
I know it seems melodramatic of me, but I’m feeling really emotional about tomorrow — Tate’s 1st day of preschool. I know many of you are sick of hearing about this topic, but just hear me out. I want him to go. I need him to go. I think it will be a great thing for him. But, I can’t help but be nervous and melancholy about it as well. This past weekend, I was frantically going through everything I think he should know (in my mind) and hoping that he is well-equipped.
This summer, we’ve been diligently working on all of the important stuff — please and thank you, going potty by yourself, recognizing the ABC’s and writing your letters and numbers. He is great with most of this stuff and I’m just happy he has such a thirst for more knowledge and is ready to learn. He will do well!
Again, I’m just struggling, as a Mom, to let go and let my son be on his own — without me! I know his teachers are great and the kids all seem very sweet. He will hopefully make friends fast and I will get to know some of their parents along the way. I’m excited about all of these prospects. I really am. It’s just all very new and change always brings a bit of anxiety with it.
So, stay tuned…I’ll share more tomorrow with pics. I’m currently just praying we make it on time and he doesn’t have a huge meltdown and hang on to our legs as we walk out the door. That would be a great first day!
by Amy | Aug 31, 2012 | mama confessions
I’ve been so busy working on my business website over the past few weeks that I’ve hardly had any time to write. When I do finally get the chance, I find that I am speechless. I know…right…Amy? Speechless? Well, it’s true. My brain is churning, but I think there’s too much going on inside of it for me to make sense of it all and write it down. I have missed writing though.
Tonight, I am SO tired and I wanted to just briefly write in my personal blog since I’ve also been remiss about writing things down that have to do with our family and milestones the kids are experiencing. I keep thinking I’ll sit down and write down that word Julian just said or the funny thing Tate just did, but I never get the chance. Not only that, but I am WAYYYY behind on recording Julian’s new molars in his baby book and updating all of his shot records and measurements. I literally have a STACK of papers in my closet that I need to go through and sort out to get everything back in order. Why is this so hard for me?
On top of that, we have had a devastating occurrence over the past week since our hard drive froze up and we no longer can get any of our pictures off of it. I still have an inkling of hope that someone can fix it and retrieve our pics, but I’m losing hope with every second that goes by.
Anyway, I wrote in my personal blog tonight so I could record some of the feelings I’m having and attempt to get caught up with my kids’ milestones. I typically don’t share my posts from this blog, but I thought some of you might be able to relate.
Here ya go!
Gosh, everything seems to be the same one minute and then, the next minute, it feels like things are rapidly changing. One minute you have a brand new baby who needs you every second of the day, and the next minute, you have a toddler who plays on his own and walks from room to room calling out your name. One minute, you have a little boy who is struggling to grasp the concept of going potty and poo poo on the toilet, and the next minute, he’s going into the bathroom and doing everything all by himself.
Today I was a little saddened by all the changes happening with us, but happy at the same time. Tate starts preschool for the first time on Tuesday. Today, we went to meet his teachers and other classmates and get familiarized with the room he’ll be in. He was very clingy and panicky when we first got there, and then he eventually opened up and started playing on his own without needing me right beside him. When we got in the car, I could tell he was SO proud of himself and so excited about the prospect of starting preschool. I know he’ll be a little apprehensive for the first few days, but I really think he’s going to nail this and enjoy it! For this, I’m so overjoyed and happy for him. He’s such a sweet, smart, funny, social little guy, and he will thrive in an environment like this. I’m so thrilled we found this preschool at OLC!
The sad part about all of this is that Tate has never been without me during the day. I have always been there with him, and if I did hire a sitter or leave him with someone, it has always been for just a couple hours. I know it probably seems dramatic and silly, but it occurred to me this evening that as of Tuesday, we will no longer be his only teachers. He will learn from the preschool teachers and of course, the other kids he gets to know. Truthfully, I’ve dreaded this day for some time. In my mind, I’ve always romanticized the concept of homeschooling and dreamed that maybe, quite possibly, I could do this. But, I don’t know that I’m cut out for it, honestly. I wish Tate could learn all of his information through me and the tools I introduce to him, but right now, I barely have enough patience to sit down with him and read. I feel terrible for admitting this, but it’s true. I love reading to my children, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it just feels like an uphill battle. We’re either out running errands, meeting people for playdates or I’m home trying to get things done. I tell you, I think sometimes days and weeks go by before I realize that we haven’t spent that special time just sitting down and reading or learning how to do something new. Part of it is me and the other part of it is him. I don’t know how to change that and turn the cycle around. I don’t know how to make him more responsive to me and not always wanting to “do something else.” I don’t know how I get him to sit still long enough to read to him and focus on something like writing his letters or numbers. So when he is able to grasp a concept, I feel happy that he did it in spite of my ADD instruction which typically involves me trying to get something else done and keeping his younger brother out of things we’re doing simultaneously.
Anyway…that was all said to say that I have mixed feelings about next week. I want this so badly for him. I want him to grow and learn and thrive, but I also just want to keep him here ALL to myself. I don’t want to share him with anyone, because deep down, I feel like, if I do, I will never be able to have him just to myself again. It means that he will forever be changed. We will forever be changed. His horizons will continue to broaden and he will naturally move in a direction away from the safe, little haven we have here at home with our routines, our outings and our rituals. He will naturally gravitate toward new friends, new activities and new ideas.
Today, he said to us: “You’re the best Daddy in the whole world.” “And you’re the best Mommy in the whole world.” “I love you guys so much!”
What a great kid!! What 3 year old says that to his parents?
Mine does : )
by Amy | Aug 31, 2012 | mama confessions, Uncategorized
Gosh, everything seems to be the same one minute and then, the next minute, it feels like things are rapidly changing. One minute you have a brand new baby who needs you every second of the day, and the next minute, you have a toddler who plays on his own and walks from room to room. One minute, you have a little boy who is struggling to grasp the concept of going potty and poo poo on the toilet, and the next minute, he’s going into the bathroom and doing everything all by himself.
Today I was a little saddened by all the changes happening with us, but happy at the same time. Tate starts preschool for the first time on Tuesday. Today, we went to meet his teachers and other classmates and get familiarized with the room he’ll be in. He was very clingy and panicky when we first got there, and then he eventually opened up and started playing on his own without needing me right beside him. When we got in the car, I could tell he was SO proud of himself and so excited about the prospect of starting preschool. I know he’ll be a little apprehensive for the first few days, but I really think he’s going to nail this and enjoy it! For this, I’m so overjoyed and happy for him. He’s such a sweet, smart, funny, social little guy, and he will thrive in an environment like this. I’m so thrilled we found this preschool at OLC!
The sad part about all of this is that Tate has never been without me during the day. I have always been there with him, and if I did hire a sitter or leave him with someone, it has always been for just a couple hours. I know it probably seems dramatic and silly, but it occurred to me this evening that as of Tuesday, we will no longer be his only teachers. He will learn from the preschool teachers and of course, the other kids he gets to know. Truthfully, I’ve dreaded this day for some time. In my mind, I’ve always romanticized the concept of homeschooling and dreamed that maybe, quite possibly, I could do this. But, I don’t know that I’m cut out for it, honestly. I wish Tate could learn all of his information through me and the tools I introduce to him, but right now, I barely have enough patience to sit down with him and read. I feel terrible for admitting this, but it’s true. I love reading to my children, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it just feels like an uphill battle. We’re either out running errands, meeting people for playdates or I’m home trying to get things done. I tell you, I think sometimes days and weeks go by before I realize that we haven’t spent that special time just sitting down and reading or learning how to do something new. Part of it is me and the other part of it is him. I don’t know how to change that and turn the cycle around. I don’t know how to make him more responsive to me and not always wanting to “do something else.” I don’t know how I get him to sit still long enough to read to him and focus on something like writing his letters or numbers. So when he is able to grasp a concept, I feel happy that he did it in spite of my ADD instruction which typically involves me trying to get something else done and keeping his younger brother out of things we’re doing simultaneously.
Anyway…that was all said to say that I have mixed feelings about next week. I want this so badly for him. I want him to grow and learn and thrive, but I also just want to keep him here ALL to myself. I don’t want to share him with anyone, because deep down, I feel like, if I do, I will never be able to have him just to myself again. It means that he will forever be changed. We will forever be changed. His horizons will continue to broaden and he will naturally move in a direction away from the safe, little haven we have here at home with our routines, our outings and our rituals. He will naturally gravitate toward new friends, new activities and new ideas.
Today, he said to us: “You’re the best Daddy in the whole world.” “And you’re the best Mommy in the whole world.” “I love you guys so much!”
What a great kid!! What 3 year old says that to his parents?
Mine does : )
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