I didn’t make it online yesterday, and that’s OK…but, all morning it’s been causing me stress. MY GRATITUDE LIST, among other things I planned on doing yesterday, didn’t get written. But, you know what? I had a great day! I hung out with my boys in the morning outside and enjoyed the beautiful breeze. I let myself have a break! It was nice. So, I’m grateful for that. Then we went to our German playdate Halloween Party at Margit’s house, and we also had fun. Dinner was a breeze. The boys were easy. We watched our favorite shows, The Middle and Modern Family. We put the boys to bed. We both fell asleep. That’s why I didn’t get the gratitude list done. I fell asleep putting the baby to bed.
BTW…disclaimer: I have not had my freshly brewed abundance of coffee this morning, because my sweet husband didn’t make any, so my thoughts are ALL OVER THE PLACE!! However, I’m taking advantage of the couple minutes I have and purposely not scrambling around doing laundry, cleaning up the kitchen (because my sweet husband did it for me!!) or looking at status updates on FB, and I’m blogging instead. Yes, my sweet son is plugged in front of Dinosaur Train so that I can do this, but it’s ok. He’ll recover.
Today is the second segment of the telecourse I’m taking entitled, A New Way of Being, and I’m so excited. The funny thing is…I’m not excited because I think it is teaching me anything new. It is just reiterating what I already know, have already implemented and merely need practice doing: The art of just being. The art of living in the now. The art of not taking on too much — whatever that may be for me right now in this stage of my life. I need a refresher course from time to time. It’s kinda like reading and rereading a favorite book. It helps to hear something over and over. That’s what this is about for me.
Right now, for me, my biggest challenge is proclaiming the words, “Good is good enough!” For so long, that seemed like such a cop out. How could good be good enough for my children? Good has never been good enough in the performing arts. Good has never been good enough in school. And good is certainly never good enough when it comes to working out or being healthy or balancing my checkbook. We want to strive for EXCELLENCE, right? So, this whole idea of going easy on yourself and being gentle with yourself is something I have never really allowed myself to do. I’m almost afraid of it. Will it give me a free ticket to mediocre? I don’t want to get in the habit of cutting corners in my life. And I find myself circling back around to the question Renee Trudeau always asks. Oops…forgot what that was. NEED COFFEE!!! OK…just now remembered: She asks, “at what cost are you willing to live this life of peace? to let go of former ways of doing things in order to create a new way of being?” OK, I rephrased it a bit, but you get the picture. At what cost? That’s a hard one to answer. If changing my ambitious ways means I’m happier and my kids/husband/family are happier, then I guess I’m willing to pay a pretty high price. Or am I? hmmm… Throughout last week’s telecourse, she asked the questions: What does a new way of being look like to you? What does a new way of being feel like for you? I honestly can’t answer that. I couldn’t then. I can’t now. I don’t know what or that I’m willing to change. I like the idea of it. I don’t know what I’m willing to let go of in order for this to happen. I think I do in my heart, but I don’t know on paper. Does that make sense?
OK…so, my son is climbing the furniture and looking at me like, “Come ONNNNN, MOM!”, so I better wrap up for now. I will try to post later if I get a sec.
Here’s a shot at my gratitude list for today:
- cool sunny mornings with my kiddos
- Nutella
- Freshly brewed coffee
- a dish free sink
- Dinosaur Train
- all of my wonderful friends around the world! I LOVE MY GIRLFRIENDS!!!
- undereye concealer
- craigslist
- garage sales
- size 8 jeans that FIT ME!!
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