Call it more sleep…call it summertime…call it coming out of the fog…no matter what you call it, it’s a good thing! Many of you who have followed my (very irregular) string of posts have probably noticed that I’ve been rather dismal over the past few months due to the stress and strain that comes from being a Mommy to two boys…and especially to one in particular who hasn’t been sleeping very well since he was born. In addition to that, though, I’ve also become rather dissatisfied with my work as a voice teacher and have been frantically scurrying to find a waynotto do it anymore. Also, my parents have been going through a really difficult patch in their lives: First, my Dad had a stroke and underwent surgery on his carotid arteries…then their financial problems went from bad to much much worse…and because of all of this, we haven’t really gotten to see them or spend time with them, and I’ve felt helpless and so sad for them. That doesn’t even begin to touch on the fact that I lost my Grandma last September. Man…what a wonderful, but tough year!
Over the past few months, in my (ha ha!) spare time, I’ve been brainstorming, reading books, reading blogs, journaling and PRAYING about what God has in store for me and my family. Was I simply being a whiny, bratty baby who was throwing a temper tantrum because I was too tired? Or was I really going through a crisis and needing to make some major life changes?
I hate to complain. And more, I hate complainers. Especially when that complainer is ME. I am truthfully SO grateful and humbled by the wonderful people and opportunities in my life. I, of all people, should not even think about complaining. Or should I?
Biblically, we are taught to “be content in whatever state we’re in…”, but I have been less than content. Something has been stirring with me, and I have been going crazy to figure out what it was. Thankfully, I am now able to look at things from a broader perspective. While I know that I should be content because God has given me all things, I also know that my need for change is healthy and normal too. If we were never moved to change by discontentment, we’d forever be in the same place in our lives. Boring. And dismal. So, I have made friends with discontentment. It shouldn’t define me. But, I can also embrace it. And that, I have done.
So, I said all that to say…and by the way, there is no climax to this post. This is truly just another rant…but a good one. I said all that to say that I am finally starting to see a clear light at the end of my tunnel. My tunnel was never dark, btw. It was never dismal. It was never desperate. It was just lackluster. It was also a very exhausting, draining tunnel. Navigating days of activities, potty training, nursing, baby book editing (which never happened), cooking healthy meals, trying to save money on healthy food at the store, arranging play time, playdates, play activities, arranging me time, arranging ANY time — all on about 5 hours of interrupted sleep on a GOOD day. That can get anyone down and make them feel a little discombobulated. But the light has arrived. My now toddler has gotten better at the sleep gig. He is doing so much better. There are still nights, like last night, when he was clingy and needy and restless and wakeful and ANNOYING, but those are becoming fewer and farther between. And in the words of Johnny Nash:
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.
To get to the point, I am SO so blessed. I have always felt blessed, but right now, I feel extremely blessed. I have such a wonderful husband. He does so much for me and for our boys. He is my rock. He is the most selfless human being I know. He always puts others’ needs before his own needs. I love that about him! Then, I have these wonderful, little, amazing creatures walking around in my house right now. It’s so easy to think that they will always be this way, but I know from experience that they will not. Things change in an instant. They grow. They change. They stop saying words and sentences incorrectly. They stop giggling from the belly and being curious about every little thing. They get taller. They lose that baby fat. So, right now, I’m grateful for the sweet little cheeks…the constant noise…the babble…the fun. It is so wonderful to be a Mommy. It’s something you can never explain or put into words. It is truly amazing! Then, I have this plethora…and I mean AMAZING plethora of girlfriends who I LOVE. They get me. I get them. They are there for me. I am there for them. While I’ve always had great friends throughout my life, I think it is only now that I realize the importance of these friendships which have evolved over time with me. All of my friendships are truly unique and individual. I don’t really and haven’t ever really belonged to a “group” of friends, per se. My friends are all very different. I could go on and on, but let’s just say I am so so incredibly humbled and grateful for them right now.
Unfortunately, there is much more than that to share, but I am going to refrain and get some things done instead. I have just a little bit of time before the boys will be up from their naps and I need to make use of that time.
More later…
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