by Amy | Feb 24, 2019 | mama confessions
This morning I woke up a lot like most mornings here lately. I have been feeling really uncertain about how I should be living, working, creating, parenting, wife-ing and how I should proceed in just about everything I’ve been doing up til now.
Truth be told, I’m super frustrated with being in limbo. I know there are possibilities, but I’ve felt stuck and uncertain for far too long.
This past weekend, I was supposed to have performed with Conspirare and the Austin Symphony in the Brahms Requiem at the Long Center here in Austin, TX. However, the week prior to a long week of rehearsals and two back-to-back performances, I came down with a viral infection that zapped my energy, then my voice and later, my lungs.
I was really bummed out and emotional about not being able to perform, but the whole incident caused me to take a step back and evaluate what I was really doing with all of this and where it was taking me. I’ll explain:
Up til 2016, when my husband and I went through our “crisis of a lifetime,” working and trying to continue singing wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Yes, I missed singing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shot through the heart every time a former colleague would post their singing experiences in front of me on social media. I know. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But it was hard. However, I felt I had adjusted nicely to the role of stay-at-home-and-pour-everything-you’ve-got-into-your-kids Mom. I really embraced it actually. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that role with any endeavor that took away from them — even if it meant sacrificing a huge piece of me — singing!
Fast forward to now. I now have 3 youngish kids. I say youngish, because they aren’t babies anymore. They are 10, 7 and 5 and able to put on their own clothes, wipe their own butts and sass at us if they don’t like what we’ve asked them to do. In many ways, it feels like we’ve achieved a certain level of freedom after 10 years of being in the baby phase of being up all night, changing diapers and toddlers walking around trying to kill themselves and destroy everything around them. But we aren’t out of the woods just yet. As much as I would love to sing and be a part of amazing, creative ventures out there in the world, my role as a mother to these kids is far more important (and in many ways, urgent) than the role I play as a singer.
There are so many ideas on this, and I don’t wish to be controversial. I know we women have as much of a right to pursue our dreams and goals as men do. But I think we, as mothers of young and even youngish children, have a special, and very important mission: To train our children in the way they should go. And I also feel that this time we are required to do that goes by so quickly. Why miss out because we have a right?!
So, here’s my current goal: to honor God in raising my children in the way they should go. Even if that means putting aside my dreams and goals or pursuing those dreams and goals on the fringe of our lives and not during prime time hours of our days or weekends when they are home, still under my roof and really want to be with me. Call me soft. Call me a wimp. Tell me anything you want to tell me about how I should do what I have been gifted to do. But I know what I know. And that is that God has gifted me with these 3 beautiful children I love with all my heart. And if I trust God with His will for my life, I know He will make it all work together for good if I do my job as a Mom to the best of my ability.
For me, that means not spreading myself too thin. It means saying “no” sometimes to things I’d love to be a part of. It means sacrificing my dreams for His higher purpose. And don’t be fooled into thinking working Moms who do it all aren’t sacrificing something. It all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice, right? If I’m out there pursuing my dreams as a singer, I may be doing what I want to do and filling my cup in some way, but I’m also sacrificing being there for my kids who still need me to be there for them. I sacrifice time away from my husband. I sacrifice a peaceful home. I sacrifice rest.
So, anytime you’re tempted to believe that the women out there who are “doing it all” actually “have it all” without sacrificing some pretty important things, stop for a minute and really think about it. Then break down what it looks like for you to pursue your dreams at this moment.
The best advice I got recently when I was lamenting over this was from an elderly friend who also had a singing career prior to having children. She said that she never regretted taking the time off from singing to raise her children. But she would have really regretted not being there for her children — even if it meant singing on the greatest stages in all the world.
I believe her.
by Amy | Feb 24, 2019 | confessional
This morning I woke up a lot like most mornings here lately. I have been feeling really uncertain about how I should be living, working, creating, parenting, wife-ing and how I should proceed in just about everything I’ve been doing up til now.
Truth be told, I’m super frustrated with being in limbo. I know there are possibilities, but I’ve felt stuck and uncertain for far too long.
This past weekend, I was supposed to have performed with Conspirare and the Austin Symphony in the Brahms Requiem at the Long Center here in Austin, TX. However, the week prior to a long week of rehearsals and two back-to-back performances, I came down with a viral infection that zapped my energy, then my voice and later, my lungs.
I was really bummed out and emotional about not being able to perform, but the whole incident caused me to take a step back and evaluate what I was really doing with all of this and where it was taking me. I’ll explain:
Up til 2016, when my husband and I went through our “crisis of a lifetime,” working and trying to continue singing wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Yes, I missed singing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shot through the heart every time a former colleague would post their singing experiences in front of me on social media. I know. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But it was hard. However, I felt I had adjusted nicely to the role of stay-at-home-and-pour-everything-you’ve-got-into-your-kids Mom. I really embraced it actually. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that role with any endeavor that took away from them — even if it meant sacrificing a huge piece of me — singing!
Fast forward to now. I now have 3 youngish kids. I say youngish, because they aren’t babies anymore. They are 10, 7 and 5 and able to put on their own clothes, wipe their own butts and sass at us if they don’t like what we’ve asked them to do. In many ways, it feels like we’ve achieved a certain level of freedom after 10 years of being in the baby phase of being up all night, changing diapers and toddlers walking around trying to kill themselves and destroy everything around them. But we aren’t out of the woods just yet. As much as I would love to sing and be a part of amazing, creative ventures out there in the world, my role as a mother to these kids is far more important (and in many ways, urgent) than the role I play as a singer.
There are so many ideas on this, and I don’t wish to be controversial. I know we women have as much of a right to pursue our dreams and goals as men do. But I think we, as mothers of young and even youngish children, have a special, and very important mission: To train our children in the way they should go. And I also feel that this time we are required to do that goes by so quickly. Why miss out because we have a right?!
So, here’s my current goal: to honor God in raising my children in the way they should go. Even if that means putting aside my dreams and goals or pursuing those dreams and goals on the fringe of our lives and not during prime time hours of our days or weekends when they are home, still under my roof and really want to be with me. Call me soft. Call me a wimp. Tell me anything you want to tell me about how I should do what I have been gifted to do. But I know what I know. And that is that God has gifted me with these 3 beautiful children I love with all my heart. And if I trust God with His will for my life, I know He will make it all work together for good if I do my job as a Mom to the best of my ability.
For me, that means not spreading myself too thin. It means saying “no” sometimes to things I’d love to be a part of. It means sacrificing my dreams for His higher purpose. And don’t be fooled into thinking working Moms who do it all aren’t sacrificing something. It all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice, right? If I’m out there pursuing my dreams as a singer, I may be doing what I want to do and filling my cup in some way, but I’m also sacrificing being there for my kids who still need me to be there for them. I sacrifice time away from my husband. I sacrifice a peaceful home. I sacrifice rest.
So, anytime you’re tempted to believe that the women out there who are “doing it all” actually “have it all” without sacrificing some pretty important things, stop for a minute and really think about it. Then break down what it looks like for you to pursue your dreams at this moment.
The best advice I got recently when I was lamenting over this was from an elderly friend who also had a singing career prior to having children. She said that she never regretted taking the time off from singing to raise her children. But she would have really regretted not being there for her children — even if it meant singing on the greatest stages in all the world.
I believe her.
by Amy | Mar 26, 2018 | snippets
But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:7-8
I am SO humbled as we approach Easter this coming Sunday. I’m humbled, because, like so many other holidays we rush through, Easter feels like another to-do list full of ALL THE THINGS that have absolutely nothing to do with the true meaning of season we are celebrating. Thanks America! But when I take the time to pause for a moment, in the midst of all the bustle and hubbub, and I really take the time to pray and read and reread this passage of scripture and let it sink in, do you know what stands out the most?
…but made himself of no reputation.
Huh? But what about the cross? That’s the most important thing, right? He died, He was buried and He rose again! That’s the true meaning of Easter!!
Yep! You’re right! It is. The cross and the resurrection are central to Easter. But, for me, this little snippet that we so often overlook is the part God really wanted me to see and understand today.
As I was praying this morning and asking God to direct my path and show me what He wanted me to do, I was brought to tears after a solid 2 minutes of prayer, because, even though my words say “I’ll do anything for you, Lord” and “I want YOU to get the glory.” The truth…the real truth that lies deep down underneath all those words is hideous and so heartbreaking. If I am to be really transparent, the real truth is that I will do anything for God — if it serves me and works around my schedule. And, I will give him the glory for all that He allows me to accomplish, if, when all is said and done, I get a little glory out of it, too. Ouch! Does that ring a bell? I didn’t even realize that was inside of me until I prayed. I didn’t even realize that I was going after any glory or reputation until I read this passage. I didn’t even realize that all my goals and dreams were absolutely not about His glory, until He revealed it to me.
I mean, isn’t that what the world is about nowadays? We crave recognition. For our words, for our singing abilities (eh-hem), for our cute crafts, for our stunning jewelry, for our servant’s heart, for our witty personality; for our godliness, for our fashion savvy, for our amazing child-rearing skills (bwah-hahaha), for our delicious recipes, for our educated and upright political views, for our stunning photographs; for our fabulous relationships, for our incredible date nights and for our clever home organizational tips. We want people to praise who we are and what we’re about and what we’ve accomplished. And it’s now easier than ever before to do. We can take pictures of our work and post them on social media. And we anxiously await the likes and comments. We can talk about our cause on a podcast. We can blog about our passions. We can write a book. We can record videos and put them on YouTube. Now more than ever, we are bombarded with this whole idea of building our reputation and platform — even if we’re not even doing it for a professional cause! And sure, we’ve always had the opportunity to shine and be a star, but now it feels so much more accessible than it used to feel. Now, with the help of the world wide web and social media, you no longer have to be a Pulitzer Prize winner, a talented actor on the big screen, a theologian or an accredited author to create a huge, mega-following — with a few clicks of a button. Because of this, I believe it’s very tempting to fall prey to the notion that we can attain a following by an extremely filtered picture we paint about who we are to the world around us. Instant celebrity! Instant praise!
…but made himself of no reputation.
Jesus. The guy who was the Son of God. He came into this world and performed miracle after miracle. He knew He would die a painful death in our place and give himself as a sacrifice so that we might live, and He, of all people, made himself of “no reputation”??
If that is the case, than who in the world am I to boast of what I’ve accomplished? Who am I to want glory for the things I’ve done and the talents I may possess? Who am I to want praise and accolades?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t work hard and have talents that the world needs to see and hear. I’m not saying we shouldn’t share our voice with the world. But what I am sensing here is a personal nudge. I’m realizing that, for some reason, it is really tempting for me to seek my own reputation and following, and He’s showing me where that leaves me. I struggle here. And I need His guidance in navigating how this all works — for His glory and not my own. And I don’t believe I’m alone in this struggle.
I don’t even know where this leaves me today, but it causes me to think. It causes me to go deeper and find more hidden desires that have masked themselves as purely motivated ones. And it causes me to really dedicate myself to an active and consistent prayer life that seeks Him and His word daily, because the only thing that truly matters is that we’re doing what He wants us to do for no glory of our own.
What are your thoughts? Do you wrestle with this too? How do you wrestle? Would love to hear from you!
xo
by Amy | Mar 19, 2018 | mama confessions, Uncategorized
Yes, my Friends. This, right here, is my first official blog post for my new little site, and I am simply ecstatic about what’s to come! I have held off on actually writing here, because I wasn’t finished with the site’s set up and I don’t even have a logo yet, but I know, by just doing it, all of these things will come! The point is to just start, right? And then the ideas and everything else will follow. That’s usually how it works for me. I rarely have a great idea unless the ball is already rolling. So this is me…rolling that ball. And here it is, my first blog post in it’s raw, unpolished state.
So, here I am. Strong coffee with frothed creamer in hand. I set my alarm and woke up at 4:30am to be here and begin this journey, because I knew it would be a slow start and a rocky beginning. It’s never smooth sailin’ and fun to start anything new, is it? There’s always awkwardness and quite a bit of stumbling that goes along with opening up your computer and writing those first few words. And, of course, at 4:30am, nothing really seems to flow very well.
So, why 4:30am? Most people are somewhat horrified by this hour. What’s the magic behind this time, you ask? Well, you see…I have always been a morning person, but I’ve never been a very disciplined morning person. I used to wake up around this time, and just lie there in bed wondering why I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, I’d just lie there. Other times, I might get up and scroll through Facebook or Instagram until I got up and around. But most of the time, I was completely unproductive…until I got a job, that is. This job required me to get out of bed at 3:30am so I could be ready and out the door by 4:40am and at work by 5am. As grueling as it sounds, that routine literally transformed my morning routine. Sure, I cried all the way to work my first 2-3 weeks at that job. But after the initial shock and horror of getting up wore off, I was fine. And the truth is, I actually enjoyed it and felt a little superior to already be up and at ’em while the rest of the world was still hitting their snooze buttons. And so…even after leaving that job, I still love waking up early. It gives me that slight edge and helps me set the tone for my day before all the distractions and noise start to creep in. Glad we cleared that up! 🙂
This past week was our Spring Break. We started off the week with sickness that made rounds to everyone in our family except for me and my daughter, but we ended up having one of the best weeks of our family’s life. It was simply divine. We watched movies. We played outside. We went camping for a night at Lake Whitney State Park. We went to the Silos in Waco on our way back home. We attended a worship service at The Church on South Congress on Sunday morning and had amazing ice cream at a food trailer called Manoli’s. When we got back home, we went down and introduced ourselves to our new neighbors — a young couple who were painting their kitchen cabinets in their garage. We instantly exchanged phone numbers and ended up texting back and forth all evening. If anything, this week taught me that 1. Staying home is great, but… 2. Getting out of the house is amazing. 3. My family can adjust to anything and have fun. 4. Being home too much means too much technology. 5. Exploring and being out and about is for sure what makes us most happy. But we need a budget for that! ha.
Seriously, though…I am a homebody by nature. My tendency is to avoid leaving the house at all costs. There’s always just too much to do at home. Too many things to be cleaned, organized, repaired, cleaned, folded, put away, prepared. I never seem to actually feel the FREEDOM to leave my home. Does this resonate with anyone out there? We feel like we can’t go anywhere until all is done and we are free and clear in our minds? But the problem I’ve learned is that we’re never fully free and clear. We never feel like all is done at home. There will always be laundry piled up. There will always be an uninspiring pile of dishes in the sink. There will always be messes lying around. And sometimes ya just have to leave it all and get out of the house for a few hours. That was me today.
And in our family, here’s what happens when we pile into our dirty, old, but very reliable 2004 Toyota Sienna: The weight of the world immediately lifts off of us. Our task lists melt away. Our technology stays at home. We start talking. We start laughing. We start singing. Our moods lighten. We are mesmerized by adventure and exploration. And we have such a great time together. And here’s the thing: We’re ALL craving it. We need it like a plant needs water. Adventure is in our blood.
My husband and I shouldn’t be surprised by this. After all, we have always loved to explore and try new things. That’s what drew us together in the first place. Our very first date was going to a brunch place in Vienna called “High Tea”. In order to go there, and have a beautiful table to brunch on with comfy high back chairs to sit in, you had to reserve the spot weeks in advance. So that’s what Thomas did. I had never heard about it before, but true to fashion, my then “new friend” now husband had read about it and wanted to check it out. He is still the same now, by the way. Always looking for new places to “go check out.” That’ what I adored about him then and it’s what I adore about him now. He always wants to try new things and do new things. It’s in his blood.
Thomas, my husband, is from Vienna, Austria. But he also spent the first 10 years of his life in Stuttgart, Germany. His Mom and Aunt, twin sisters who were given up for adoption as young babies and adopted by a sweet couple in Thallern, are from a region known as Niederoesterreich (Lower Austria) along the Danube where they have no shortage of vineyards and fruit trees. Thomas’s father is from the German-speaking part of Czechoslovakia and he fled with his mother and grandmother after the war to Austria. Thomas was the only child to parents who knew no real place called “home”. And like his parents, Thomas never really felt at home where he lived. When he was in Germany, he was considered to be the Austrian, and when he and his family moved back to Austria, he spoke and acted like a German.
I, on the other hand, am from Lee’s Summit, Missouri just on the outskirts of Kansas City. I grew up there all my life, but never really felt like it was my home home. Does that make sense? My parents would laugh and say that I was adopted or switched at birth, because I always longed for something different and I never really fit in with our family or with the people we knew. I always longed for close friendships, but they always seemed out of reach for me. I always longed for people to connect with, but my best attempts at connecting felt contrived and forced. That’s when I realized I needed an outlet. My outlet was playing the piano and singing. Both of my parents grew up just miles away from our family home and their parents had also grown up close by. Never in my life did I know about foreign lands or have the desire to explore them. I just knew I loved music. And music led me to meet new people, try new things, go to college, travel the world and end up in Vienna, Austria.
So, why then…why am I tied to a house in Austin, TX with an endless supply of tasks that keep me weighed down when there is a world out there that we want to see and explore? Why are we trying to “keep up with the Jones’s” by constantly taking care of a house that we do love, but one that also keeps us from really living the life we want to live?
I’m actually really trying to navigate this in my life. My goal this year, in 2018, is to find a way for us to live simply at home so that we can be more mobile and do more. I don’t want to have a million things I need to do at home. I want to spend time with my family exploring the world around us. I want to go places, meet people, eat different foods, have experiences that enrich our lives. I don’t necessarily want to be tied to a home with a huge yard and tons of responsibilities. Part of me thinks we need this and the kids need the stability of a home and a community. And I agree that all of that is really important, too. But the other part of me just wants to explore the world with my family and wake up in a new place from time to time. But where’s the happy medium? How do we find this balance we so desperately long for in our lives? No wonder the song, “No Roots” is a huge hit in our household. We really don’t feel anchored to anyone or anything except for the Lord. In essence, we have that gypsy spirit that feels bogged down when we get too committed or feel like we have been somewhere for too long.
So, that, my friends, is where I am this morning. Thinking outloud about how to navigate this world and raise our children responsibly but still show them what the world has to offer.
As I type this, there are news stories of bombs being left in packages on people’s doorsteps all over Austin. Nowhere is safe. In the news, you hear of school shootings in schools where you’d never suspect a demented teen was plotting against his classmates. Nowhere is safe. So, why then, are we trying to live safe lives in our own little safe communities and not really living and going and doing things we’ve always wanted to do? I’m done playing safe. I’m done not living out in the world because there are dangerous people. I’m ready for something new. Something fresh. Something good. Something beyond my imagination.
No roots, Baby…let’s do this!
by Amy | Jul 9, 2017 | mama work, struggle
I’m coming to the table today with nothin’. Nothin’ but commiseration, that is. Summer hit and my momentum went out the door along with spilled milk all over my already dirty floors, chaos and clutter to clean up EVERYWHERE, cutting up watermelon into the perfect, bite-sized cubes, making lemonade by the gallon, fighting off my children’s tendency toward t.v. and tablets in lieu of water guns, bubbles and bike rides…and of course, family trips to the beach. I’m trying to savor this time with my children since I love summer and I love having them home. Well, sort of. 🙂 No, I really do. And I keep thinking, “This is the reason why I’m doing all this, right? This is why I’m working my butt off and trying to make this work: For my family!” But finding time to work and think and create and build momentum in my business has quickly become a notion that has way too easily slipped out of my unmoisturized fingers and into the long-forgotten crevices behind my couch cushions. No matter how much I’ve tried to plan ahead and how much I’ve tried to prepare for this moment, I apparently just didn’t plan enough and prepare myself (and my children) for the fact that things have changed in our family, and Mommy is now a Working Mommy. It’s that simple. I didn’t plan for my work time. I’ve been so busy keeping my 3 children busy and out of trouble and tending to all their constant (and many) needs that I didn’t actively plan to have down time where someone else was taking care of them, and I was working and continuing to create and keep this business thing going. It’s OK. Lesson learned. There’s still time to recuperate and regain momentum and pick myself back up again (off the sandy beaches and sticky, milk-laden kitchen floors). But, note to self: This is hard to do once the momentum’s been lost!
I write this, not because it’s some epic post that lays out all the wisdom and all the steps to overcome obstacles and small business hurdles. But I write it out of a special empathetic place in my heart that wishes to relate to my readers who are also struggling to build and keep momentum in their businesses in the face of summer and crazy, chaotic households. They say the first year of any business is the hardest to get started and to keep going. The money isn’t really flowing in just yet. The creativity and drive are there, but the structure and honed skills and exact niche isn’t quite put together yet. That’s where I am. Right in the center of it. I don’t exactly have customers who are expecting my work to be done and paying me. Yet. So now is the time when I need to produce anyway — even when I feel that no one is noticing. Even when I don’t have the time I had while all the kids were in school. Now is the time to get my proverbial $h!t together and get ‘er done in the face of a loud house and a silent, rather inactive customer base. Now is the time to build the framework and foundation, despite the uncertainty that it will ever produce anything.
I knew this would be hard. I knew there would be challenges. But I didn’t know that I would actually be the biggest challenge. My mind. My inner dialogue. My own lack of planning. My own uncertainty about what it is I’m trying to accomplish. My own self-defeat. My own self-doubt.
I had a conversation with one of my Mommy friends while our kids were playing alongside us at the pool the other day. She and I hadn’t seen each other or caught up in a while, and I was trying to explain to her what I have been doing after I quit my desk job at Apple. Usually, I make it a rule not to go into much detail about what I’m doing because I personally don’t handle other people’s uncertainty or genuine concern very well. I feel it’s better kept under wraps until I’m a little further along and producing something that is tangible in my business. But her comments, while innocent and supportive, really got to me. She said, “Wow. It sounds like you’re still in the phase of self-discovery and figuring this all out. That’s so awesome what you’re trying to do.” What she said was really sweet and from a good place. But how I took it threw me off. “Self discovery?” “What I’m trying to do???” Those phrases made me question everything! Funny how a 5 minute conversation can conger up so many insecurities. It was good. Don’t get me wrong. And in a way, she’s right. I’m not there yet. I am trying to do something. I’m doing the work. I’m learning. But I haven’t quite figured out what my exact niche is just yet here. I know it will come. But this questioning phase that I’m going through is real. It is hard. It is causing me to second guess everything. Is this the right path? Am I really passionate about this? So what if I spent a pretty good-sized portion of my life learning how to sing and teach voice lessons. Is this REALLY what I want to do? And bigger yet, is this something I can REALLY earn money doing online? Do I know enough? Am I known enough for people to want to learn from me? Who really cares what little ol’ me has to say? Who in the world will pay attention and actually buy my product? My service? My course? What if I spend countless hours and a great deal of money working on this and don’t get anywhere with it? What if no one shows up to buy?
And the answer to all these questions is simply: I’m not sure.
And you know why I’m most likely not sure? I haven’t been working on my business diligently for a few weeks. I’m not really in the game, so to speak. I haven’t been investing my heart, mind and soul in this and giving it my all. These circumstances haven’t been completely out of my hands, but somehow, I don’t feel like I can really control them. I mean, how do you justify hiring a babysitter to watch your kids while you work when you’re not really earning anything? This is their summer too. I need to be there for them, right?
So, sure I’m going to feel some amount of uncertainty! And sure I’m going to question myself and everything I’ve been working hard at doing prior to this summer whirlwind! It’s just not where my heart is right now.
Even while writing this post, I’ve had kids interrupting me asking me questions. I’ve had my 3-year-old little girl pushing buttons on my computer about to delete the whole post and I’ve tried to move her hand and caused her to cry and have a complete meltdown that I needed to calm her down from.
The list is long, but the time I truly have to knock it out is so short.
Exhaustion.
Frustration.
Defeat.
Those are all words that come to mind here lately when it comes to my business. And I’m just being honest.
Because, yes, I’d love to savor my children’s youth and play with them and do all the summer things and make memories. But I also need to create an income that I can do from my computer and a few pieces of purchased equipment so I can be home with them and do these things. I’ve felt the pain of working full time away from them. I don’t ever want to go back there again. But if I don’t get disciplined and figure this work from home thing out, I may soon have to. That’s a lot of pressure!
So, today I’m brushing off the blowing off. I’m coming out of vacation mode and getting serious again. I’m finding my groove and not just making time for this business — this newborn baby that needs to be fed, changed, held carefully and loved — but I’m fighting for it with all my gusto. And today…this post, is my new beginning. Clean slate. I’ve got to make this work. And if you’re still reading this, I have a feeling you do too!
I want to encourage you today, whether you’ve fallen off a bit or taken your vacation time a little too loosely: Don’t give up! Make time. Cultivate and create. Dream. Plan ahead. Create the space. And get back to work!
You can do it, and so can I!
xoxo,
Your Fellow Unleasher
What are some ways you personally feel like you’ve fallen off and lost momentum?
Let me know in the comments below…
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![Part 3 – The Challenges of Singing]()
by Amy | Jul 5, 2017 | practicing, singing
This week and next, I’m wrapping up my 4-part series called Getting Back to Singing. Why have I taken the time to spend 4 blog posts on this topic? Because I talk to so many people who tell me they used to sing, but for whatever reason, they feel they can no longer make it work in their lives. There just isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough opportunity. They feel they’ve strayed too far and would need significant training in order to get their voices back in shape. Whatever the reason is, they aren’t singing anymore…but deep down, they want to be.
So far, in Part 1, we discovered our why for singing and in Part 2, we unwrapped the pain of not singing. Throughout this post, however, I want to talk about some of the challenges we face when we attempt to start singing and offer you some solutions for making singing a priority again in your life while overcoming the not-so-unique hurdles we all face.
Here are some challenges I often hear and personally experience and some possible solutions to those challenges:
Challenge #1: Time
The first challenge I hear many people talk about is time. As we get older and have more responsibilities like demanding jobs, mortgages to pay and children to feed and care for, we soon realize that everything else, whether consciously or unconsciously, gets put on the back burner. We may forego a lot of things we used to love like sports, painting, learning a new skill, reading, travel, and of course, singing becomes one of those many things that just falls to the bottom of our priority list.
Solution:
While I can attest to the extreme difficulty of finding time in our busy schedules to practice and invite music back into our lives, I can tell you that it is not as impossible as it may seem. Like any endeavor we set out to do, we know that if we fail to plan we plan to fail. Simply put, planning to sing and actually writing or typing it into our schedule is one of the biggest hurdles we can overcome. Maybe you can’t sing for hours on end like you used to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sing at all. Schedule in a few minutes every day to tend to your voice. It may be 10 minutes here or 15 minutes there, but the point is: you’re singing! Try not to be down on yourself when you miss a day. Just sing when you can. But sing!
Challenge #2: Resources
While we may have once spent quite a bit of our earnings on vocal training, CDs (I know this dates me) and new sheet music, we may find that we just don’t have the leftover funds in our budget to do any of these things anymore. Depending on where you live, the cost of voice lessons can average anywhere from $50 – $150 per hour, and since you really need to be consistent in pursuing lessons if you want to see any difference, that can add up to a big chunk of change per month if you go all in. If you are anything like me, I am trying to cut back rather than find places to spend our family’s income, so the idea of taking voice lessons might be a stretch — especially if you’re on a budget.
Solution:
Paying for a voice teacher or buying sheet music no longer has to be a huge expense like it once was. With free online tutorials (like I provide here and on my YouTube channel) and downloadable audio warm-ups you can get by signing up for my newsletter, you can be well on your way to singing freely and effortlessly in weeks without spending a dime! With Spotify, you can listen to your favorite songs you want to learn and even get a karaoke/instrumental version to sing along with for a free subscription or a monthly paid subscription under $15/monthly. Sheet music can be found through your local library, online at a low cost or even free if the music isn’t copyrighted or you have a friend or a church you could borrow from. Money should never be a deterrent to singing — especially when we are able to get so much information so easily — for free!
Challenge #3: Confidence
It can be extremely difficult to get back on the wagon and put yourself out there if you haven’t sung in a while, but one of the biggest reasons I hear about has to do with confidence. Many people feel like they’ve strayed too far for too long and just don’t have what it takes anymore. It’s also possible that a previous performance opportunity didn’t quite go as planned and that’s made you leery of jumping back in. Confidence, or the lack thereof, can be a major player when it comes to not singing. But it shouldn’t be.
Solution:
While I can’t wave a magic wand and make you confident again, I can tell you that the act of practicing and working on your voice on a regular basis like I suggest can be all the ingredients you are needing to regain confidence in singing. A wonderful singing friend of mine has always encouraged me by telling me nonchalantly, “It’s just like riding a bike.” And truthfully, it is. Your voice is your voice. Not much has changed with it since you last sang. Dusting it off and getting it to do what you want it to do is just a matter of starting and working on it for a little bit every day. It’s not rocket science!
If you are truly one of those people who struggles with confidence in general, I can relate to your angst. However, I have found that the more you do something — anything, really — you will gain more confidence in doing it. Sing at your local library during story hour. Sing at the children’s hospital or for a nursing home. Sing with your neighbors and go caroling at Christmastime. You don’t have to land a lead spot with the band or a solo just yet. Ease in and schedule some volunteer singing time where there’s no pressure or anxiety on the line. The more you can ease into it and let go of your fear of performing, the easier it will be!
Challenge #4: Space
While you once may have had a sacred space of your own where you could go and chisel out your technique or learn a song, you may find that you no longer have a place to practice in solitude. If your family has grown (like mine), it’s easy for a practice space to turn into a child’s room or a home office or a catch-all space for everything you need to store. For years, my studio became a storage space for holiday decor and wrapping supplies. The thought of going in there to sing made no sense with all the clutter I would have had to face in that room. Finding a space to sing can sometimes be one of the biggest challenges we face, but it is an important and often-forgotten key to successfully getting back to singing again!
Solution:
While there is no one-way solution to creating your space to sing, you can simply begin by creating a make-shift, temporary space to sing while you deconstruct another space that’s more permanent. The reason I say “temporary” is because I have a feeling, if you’re like me, you will fret over the space not being exactly what you want it to be, and because of this, you will never sing. We’re funny creatures, aren’t we? So, when we make a temporary space, we are saying to ourselves, “This is OK for now…but eventually, I want it to be a different space that makes me feel joyful and allows me to focus on my singing (instead of the clutter or noise around me).” In this space, we aren’t perfectionists. We aren’t looking for something to fix or repair or clean. We are simply going there to sing. As we begin to spend more and more time there, we will make it more personalized for us. I can’t tell you how much I love this idea of creating our space to sing! It gets my juices flowing!
OK, so there ya have it! I’ve listed some of the top challenges people face when getting back to singing and some solutions to those challenges. I will readily admit that I haven’t listed all the possible challenges that include what you may be personally going through, or this post would be a mile long. I’m well aware that your own personal challenges may be greater than the ones I’ve listed. Some of you are going through huge life changes or you’re working 3 jobs to make ends meet or you’ve got a physical limitation that is affecting your ability to do what you used to do. Obviously, I’m not referring to you if your challenges are greater than the ones I’ve listed. But I will say that every season has its own set of unique hurdles to overcome and pretty much everything is figureoutable. So if you’re not in a place where you can start singing right now, have faith, my friend. You will be in that place again soon.
Today, I’ve included a free printable for you to download, print out and fill out. On this sheet, I want you to list your own personal challenges to singing and then attempt to list the solutions. You’ve probably already thought of a few solutions while reading this post. So let’s get clear, shall we?
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Comments? Questions? Let me know!
Happy Singing!
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by Amy | Jun 21, 2017 | singing
Raise your hand if you’ve ever stopped singing and felt the emotional or even physical pain that comes with the void you felt (or still feel) in your life. Maybe you’ve stopped singing because you no longer felt the love you once had for it. Or it could be that you’ve had physical issues that caused you to stop singing for a period of time. Or it’s possible you’ve struggled with your technique or some aspect of singing or performing and just couldn’t shake the issues you were facing enough to keep going. Or perhaps, life just got in the way and even though you loved singing, it just didn’t fit in anymore.
Well, I stand here with you raising my hand, because I also stopped singing for all of these reasons…plus a couple more. As I’ve stated before, singing just became too painful for me because I no longer felt like I knew why I was working so hard and sacrificing so much to do it. I simply wasn’t getting anywhere and finding the help I needed in order to have everything in place and singing well just seemed beyond my capacity. I was out of bandwidth. Then, as the years went by, life just happened and it became easier and easier for me not to sing than it was to make time or room for it. So I stopped.
If you’ve felt any of this before or are experiencing it even now, I know this feeling all too well. I’ve lived it time and time again throughout my career and then again as a mother to 3 young children. I still continue to go through periods of time in my life where singing is just not my top priority and has to be put on hold. But over the years, I’ve realized that I can’t let myself go too long, and I believe that it’s important to clearly understand the consequences you inevitably face when you put your singing on hold for too long or give up singing altogether.
For some, identifying the specific pain that comes from not singing is just as important or perhaps even more important than discovering your initial why for singing. We can know that singing brings us great joy, and we can pursue it and know why we sing. We can feel all the feels and experience all the great experiences singing has to offer. But there will inevitably come a time when singing also brings us great heartache. It’s like a marriage of sorts. We can marry the love of our lives, but until we know that this person can and most likely will deeply hurt us and we can deeply hurt them, we can’t fully understand our commitment to making it work while making the conscious, intentional choice to stick with it and ride out the storms.
So what’s your pain point? What does not singing do to you? And when is enough enough? Do you ache inside when you hear someone else singing and using her talent while you sit on the bench and know it could be you? Do you secretly wish someone would ask you to sing for some event so you would have the excuse to work your voice back up and come out of your shell? Does a tinge of pain hit you when you hear of someone else’s success when you should be excited and celebrating too? Perhaps you even feel the pain physically and notice that when you do attempt to sing, your voice just isn’t doing what it used to do anymore. It’s out of practice. You don’t sing with the stamina or strength you used to have. Perhaps you’ve lost your top or your support has dwindled. And that hurts.
Whatever your pain points are, they are real and they are trying to tell you something. We typically feel pain in our lives when something has changed or needs to change. And if you love singing and are not engaging in the activity of doing it regularly, may I suggest that this is something that needs to be addressed ASAP? I know it’s sometimes easier said than done. After all, if singing were simple or fitting it into our already busy lives were easy, we wouldn’t be in this predicament, would we? But my hope with this series is that you see that you were meant to be singing, and you need to find a way to reconcile your life to making it work. Because living without it is much more painful!
My hope is that this series is just the nudge you need or just the fire lit under your proverbial behind to get back to singing again. This week, I’ve included a free printable download for you to continue doing your inner work and discovering where your priorities are and where you eventually need them to be again. As I’ve said over and over again, it’s OK if we temporarily need to take a break, but we just don’t want it to be a long one.
So get this printable and if you haven’t already, go back and read my introduction to this Getting Back to Singing series and Part #1 – My Why so you can catch up!
Happy Singing!
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by Amy | Jun 16, 2017 | singing
If you read last week’s blog post entitled, Getting Back to Singing, you’ll know that I am starting a 4-part series that guides readers through a very important initial step in getting back to singing again after a singing hiatus.
Today is Part #1 of this series and it’s all about MY WHY, because I think it’s so important to be a detective and really get down to the heart of why you want to sing in order for you to put your first foot forward, start singing again and get some serious traction!
So what’s your why? Why do YOU want to sing?
I’ll tell you a little bit about my why in hopes that it helps you think more about yours:
I’ve always loved to sing since I was a wee bitty little thing. I remember holing up in my room listening to and memorizing all the lyrics to my favorite songs and gathering up my sisters, friends and cousins every time I got the chance so we could “perform a concert.” I remember that music and singing were always such a huge part of my life, and listening to singers sing solos at church was so awe-inspiring for me. I remember a family friend singing, “We Shall Behold Him” by Sandi Patty at my Aunt Georga’s funeral and realizing that I needed to learn to sing that song too. I also remember getting a hold of that Sandi Patty cassette tape (I know that dates me!) and listening to it over and over again while trying to sing the high notes like she did. I didn’t do it very well, but I was passionate and I was determined!
As I grew, I remember wanting to join the choir in middle school. And then again in high school. And then majoring in music education with an emphasis in vocal performance in college. I remember having a good deal of success singing and getting positive feedback for how I was progressing. But then something happened…
Somewhere down the road, singing became hard. It became painful. I received harsh criticism. I got rejected. I had teachers whose motives weren’t the purest. I had competitive singer friends who were out for their own gain and weren’t encouraging about my attempts at success. I started questioning everything I was doing. I developed paralyzing stage fright and an unrelenting anxiety around singing.
While I continued singing off and on through the years, I could never really shake the internal, paralyzing fear I couldn’t shake and the feelings that singing brought up for me. The wounds were deep. It became easier for me to do something else that I wasn’t so attached to…something I wouldn’t receive so much criticism for. Something that wouldn’t bring up so much pain.
In the meantime, I had 3 beautiful children. It was really easy for me to just dive deeply into the role of motherhood and forgo all of my past endeavors and passions in order to give all I had to my babies. So that’s just what I did. And for a while, it worked. I have loved being a Mommy more than anything else I’ve ever done in my life! But something was missing. Something began to gnaw at me. I missed singing.
Gradually, I started sitting down at my piano again. I started getting out art songs and hymns and then eventually, I started dusting off my arias. I remembered a time where I was fortunate enough to have a voice lesson with the great, Canadian tenor, Ben Heppner, while living in Vienna, and I’ll never forget that lesson and what he said to me:
If you’ve lost your joy of singing, you’ve gotta go back to your roots. What made you love singing at the beginning? What were those songs that inspired you and made you want to sing? Sing those songs. You’ve gotta find your joy again.
I share this story with you to get your wheels turning about YOUR story. What is YOUR WHY? What were the songs or the singers that initially inspired you to sing? What was or is the part about singing that you love?
Forget the critics. Forget the big ideas or dreams you wish you were achieving but aren’t. Forget the envy you may have of others who are doing what you always wanted to do. You don’t know their story or their struggle. Forget the let downs and the pain you may have felt when someone rejected you or you didn’t get the recognition you thought you should have had for your vocal potential.
Now is your chance to find out that thing about singing that brings you joy. And get this…this is YOUR life! You get to decide how to spend your days and what you want to do. No one else can limit you and keep you from your dreams! If the worship team is full and doesn’t have room for another vocalist, find another worship team. If the choir you want to sing with says they aren’t holding auditions, find another choir. If you didn’t get that solo part you were hoping to land, there are plenty of nursing homes full of people who would LOVE to hear you! If no one calls you back when you send them your demo, keep on making and sending out your demos. Someone will eventually bite. And if they don’t, you still have that JOY that singing brings you. Sing for yourself!!!
Can you tell I’m passionate about this whole WHY thing? Because I’ve lived it. I’m still living it now. I’m not doing all the things I’d love to be doing vocally because being a Mommy of 3 little ones simply doesn’t leave room for all of it. I’m not singing at all the venues I’d love to be singing in or doing all the auditions I could be doing. But that doesn’t mean I can’t sing for myself. It doesn’t mean I can’t sing for my children or with them. It doesn’t mean I can’t engage in an activity that truly, deeply, brings me joy!
So find your why today, my friend!
I’ve included a free printable download you can get right here. This My Why Guide will ask you questions that trigger your answers and help you find your why for singing!
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Happy Singing!!!
xoxo
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by Amy | Jun 9, 2017 | singing
I love to sing, but my voice and my confidence level need a lot of work if I’m ever going to sing in public. I just don’t know where to start.
I suppose I really should find a good voice teacher and start working on my voice. I feel like I know the basics of singing, but I need a refresher to get back in the groove!
I’d love to sing more often and maybe do something more with my voice, like: audition for the worship team, sing with the band or in that choir. But I need help getting my voice back in shape.
I have fond memories of a time in my life when I was actively singing. I’d give anything to make space for that again in my life. I really miss singing! I’m just so busy! Where would I fit it in?
Sound familiar? If so, you’re in the right place, and I hope I can facilitate you in getting back to singing again as quickly as possible!
I, too, went through a really long season of not singing myself, so I can totally relate! And I majored in vocal performance and had already been singing professionally before I went on my singing hiatus! After having 3 children over a period of 8 years, however, the idea of trying to find time, space in my head and money to take voice lessons with my graduate professor all seemed like an impossible feat. And to be honest, it was impossible at that time. And in my mind, I thought I was OK not singing and devoting all my energy to my children. I mean, after all, I had had 30+ years of sowing my singing oats and now was a time I wanted to give parenting all my effort and take care of my babies. And I’m so glad I did that. I can never get those years back, and I feel like I spent them wisely and have no regrets. But there came a time when I started to feel like I desperately needed to jump back into singing again, and I deeply missed it — like I had lost a limb.
If this, too, sounds familiar to you, I want to encourage you. Being a Mommy or taking care of a parent or a sick loved one or any other time-consuming endeavor that could take you away from your passion is OK for a while. But we always want to return to what makes us who we are and find a way to learn and grow, despite all of our responsibilities — and in my case, little people, who depend on me. If we don’t find that time to develop our passions, we eventually start to become bitter and often wonder what is missing in our lives while swimming in a sea of chores and activities that bear little resemblance to who we once were or what we find joy in doing. Think of it like an oxygen mask we have to put on ourselves before we can be the best for others around us. Singing is our oxygen mask and it can serve us in so many ways that other activities cannot. It can also bless people around us, too. I never realized that, while depriving myself of singing, I was also depriving my young children of hearing me sing and enjoying music themselves in the way that I enjoyed it. Funny how that works.
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be deep diving into a 4-part series that will:
- Define My Why (Why Do I Sing?)
- Identify the Pain Points of Not Singing (with stable technique and confidence…or at all)
- Overcome the Challenges (of fitting singing back into our lives)
- Finding the Best Vocal Coach for Me
With all of these components in place, I am 100% certain that we can begin to understand why we need to be singing and begin restructuring our schedules (and budget) so singing can become a priority and a vital part of our lives again. I’ll take you step by step, so you don’t get overwhelmed, and I’ll help you find that sweet spot where you are singing again and still have plenty of time do take care of all your other life responsibilities!
Life is too short not to be using our voices and enriching our lives and the lives of those who hear us with singing!
So, let’s get started, shall we?
In the meantime, I’ve created a Sing! Sheet for you to begin to break down the importance of getting back to singing and help you navigate through this series with clarity and direction. So don’t miss out! Sign up below and get your Utlimate Guide to Getting Back to Singing CHECKLIST that you can download and print out.
Happy Singing!!
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by Amy | Jun 7, 2017 | business organization, mama work
You don’t have to spend too much time in your business to realize that you need to define who your ideal customer is. In online business, the prominent term for this is referred to as an avatar, and it refers to an all-encompassing term that includes several factors we need to consider when we are focusing on targeting and speaking directly to our ideal customer. Even though we might also reach beyond our ideal customer, and we may even eventually have multiple avatars for different segments of our business, it is crucial that we begin with one central avatar for our business and heavily focus our advertising campaigns on reaching that ideal customer with all our might.
There are a number of questions you will want to get super specific about when creating your avatar, but for the sake of simplicity and ease, I want to focus on the first two questions I personally feel are the most important when determining and creating your avatar. 1. Who are we? and 2. For Whom?
Who Are We?
As in, who is my business? What are we about? What do we look like? Feel like? Smell like? Talk like? What is our motto? What are we known for? What do we want to be known for? This may seem obvious, but it also may not be something that comes easy for us initially. When I think of who I am as a business, I think a lot about the first and lasting impression I want people to have when they see my brand. I also think about things like the kind of vibe I want to give off, the style of my website and logo and the unspoken and spoken authority my business has in its industry. This causes me to need to do a little research, and find out what I like to look at online and what the brands inspire and leave a lasting impression on me. And I’ve realized more and more that I need to do this often to stay current and see what others are doing in terms of demonstrating characteristics that I want my company to have. It may seem silly, but even font and graphic choices go a long way in terms of impression and demonstrating a specific idea in our minds. Sometimes it’s obvious and other times it’s very subtle. For instance, some fonts appear more authoritative, elite and chic while others may be crafty, cutesy or whimsical. Also, is the font too small or too busy to read easily? I don’t want to spend too long on this topic, but it begs a little bit of our care and attention, and I know personally what I think about as soon as I see the fonts on a website and read the copy in an ad. And so should you! To help me with this process, I’ve installed an app on my browser called “Font Ninja”. If I’m on a website and just really like the look of it and feel, I can turn on Font Ninja and it allows me to see which font they used. I love it!! I’m nerdy like that. 😉 Graphics are very similar. If I see an out-of-date graphic on a website, it causes me to question if the business is really serious and forward thinking or behind the times.
So, think about what you like to see. What leaves an impression on you that you want your customers to have when they see your brand? Get as specific as possible. Nothing you write down is stupid or irrelevant if it is truly what you want your impression to be.
For Whom?
This one may take you a little more time to figure out. I’ve found that my ideal client and who my clients actually tend to be are sometimes different people. Sometimes, we may start out with a broad idea about who are clients are (everyone), and then realize over time, with savvy advertising strategies, that we are able to niche down into something more specific (women in their 30s and 40s who live in rural towns). Play around with it. Create ads on Facebook or Instagram and start broad and narrow down after you see your statistics and who is responding. But the bigger and more helpful questions might be, “Who do I want my customer to be?” and “Who is like me?” or “Who can I help the most?” This is a great place to start, and testing out your ads and noticing who responds to your posts are great ways of identifying who you are speaking to. Businesses who take the time to carefully define their ideal client are more likely to become crystal clear with how they advertise and what they achieve with their advertising efforts.
More and more lately, I’ve been hearing and reading about business owners who identify their specific clients and even give them names. I heard a podcast the other day where a business owner was describing this woman in her mid-thirties who lived on a farm in California and raised goats. This woman made goat milk soap and sold it at her local farmers’ market. Anthropologie associates just happened to be walking through that farmers’ market one Saturday afternoon and they were interested in carrying her soap in their stores. She has to find out how to mass produce the soap and package it in a way that would sell to Anthropologie customers. This was her ideal client. That’s pretty specific right? That’s how specific we need to be. We need to tell our client’s story from start to finish, so we can begin to answer their questions and address their pain points from the gate.
When we ask these questions, we really get the ball rolling with our business and find out what we’re actually about. It helps us begin the process of fine tuning our business and understanding who we want to be as a business brand and who we are marketing to. And, truth be told, this is my favorite part of the whole process!
So, get to work, my friend! To make it easier for you, I’ve created a printable sheet you can download and fill out for your own business. And ideally, I’d love for you to print out this sheet and put it and the ones that will follow about your avatar at the very beginning of your business notebook. It really helps to think these things through! So enjoy! And if you get the chance, share with me what you found out by doing this simple exercise. If you’ve done it before, it’s OK. You can always do it again.
As always, please feel free to share this with someone else who may need it. And tell me how you liked it! 🙂
Grab your worksheet here!
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