![Getting Organized About Getting Organized]()
by Amy | Feb 25, 2017 | business organization, mama work
I had an epiphany this week about how my wheels have literally been SPINNING since I quit my full time job on February 4th of this year. I knew it would be difficult at first to get things rolling, but I didn’t know how difficult it would be to actually GET ORGANIZED. I tried with all my might to focus and get things done, but as I looked around me, everything was utter chaos. Some might think that’s just how I am. I am a creative type. They may think I like disorder. But for me, that’s not the case. I actually CRAVE order. And even though my life doesn’t always reflect that in how I organize my pantry or do my laundry, I still want to have some sense of what I am supposed to be doing, where I’m supposed to be, and how I’m supposed to be doing it. And friends, this was NOT happening those first few days of being a solo entrepreneur. To say I was spinning my wheels was an understatement of the year. I was flailing and walking in circles. I was so determined NOT to waste time, that I was, in fact, wasting it by not getting super clear and super organized in my business and personal life. Does that sound at all familiar to you?
So I literally pressed pause on everything I was trying to do and decided to dedicate the month of February to GETTING ORGANIZED. It started with sitting down and writing on a blank piece of paper (I love blank paper!!) what I needed to accomplish in my business. At this point, it wasn’t in any particular order. It was more of a brainstorm of all the things, processes and ideas about what I wanted to do written out in front of me.
- Get my domain registered
- Get my domain hosted
- Pick a website theme
- Create logos and graphics
- Find out about course creation platforms
- Set up my social media accounts for my business
- Year Plan
- Month Plan
- Daily Plan
- Budget personal expenses (aka Family Budget)
- Budget business expenses
- business schedule
- family schedule
- grand schedule (combination of two schedules)
- studio (office) cleaned up and organized so I can think clearly and get things done
After I did this, I began taking these steps and putting them in order of importance. In other words, what needs to happen before this happens. Now, as you can see, there was a LOT to be put into place BEFORE I could actually BEGIN the steps of creating my business and working on it. And like you may be thinking, I was admittedly a bit overwhelmed by the thought of having to put all these things in place. But I also knew that I needed to set myself up for success and these steps were super important in order to do that. For instance, if I didn’t have my family budget in place, how could I do my business budget? And if I didn’t know what I wanted to accomplish this YEAR, how could I get crystal clear on what I wanted to accomplish this MONTH, this WEEK and ultimately TODAY???
After I wrote that all out, I made myself another cup of coffee and started to get really excited! I pulled out my Erin Condren calendar/planner to the month and day I was in and began to map out what days I would spend working. At this point, I’m not thinking about specific tasks, but rather, what TIMES of what DAYS will I allot to my business. I made a decision that I would be working on my business from Tuesday to Friday, 5am to 1:30pm. That may seem random to you, but that is the same schedule I had at my full-time job at Apple, so I was already used to this schedule and so was my family. After I made that decision, I opened up my Google Sheets (have I mentioned how much I love love love Google Sheets??) and began to make columns for MONTHS horizontally like this: January (already over but still)…February…March…April…(got it?) Good. I then took my business checklist I had just written and organized on a piece of paper and wrote the checklist items under each month with things that needed to be done in THAT month. So under February, I put: Develop Yearly Plan, Monthly Plan, Daily Plan, Get budget in order, register and host website. Then in March, I wrote some of the other things I knew I wouldn’t be able to fit in February. Now, this step was super important because it gave me GOALS to reach and it forced me to be realistic what I could and could NOT accomplish in each given month. And can I just emphasize that BEING REALISTIC is half the battle for us as business owners–or maybe even more like 98.2%. For instance, I was already IN February when I began to write out this schedule, so I needed to realize that I would have a shorter time frame in the month of February to get certain things done. I also knew that, in March, I would have an entire week of not working over spring break, so I had to factor that in as well. But right now, all I was doing was taking one column per month and writing out an ESTIMATE of what I wanted to do in that month. Realize that it may change and that’s ok. This is not a time to be perfect. (is there ever a time for that?) This is a time to just start the infant phases of getting a skeletal framework in place and give yourself a visual picture of what you are going to achieve in your business. Before you do that, you are just spinning. Does that make sense? So we’re not even talking about DAYS or WEEKS yet to be clear. At this point, I was simply just writing out what needed to be done under each month.
After I clarified what it was I needed to do in each month, I then backtracked a bit and wrote out what was compromisable and uncompromisable for me in my life, or, a grand checklist of everything in my life if you will. Now this step is SUPER important, so please don’t skip this step. If we don’t take the time to write out what we will and what we won’t compromise, we will be unclear as we go along and make necessary sacrifices in our lives. This is vital in getting clear as to our understanding of what we’re doing so we can make CONSCIOUS SACRIFICES and not feel GUILTY when we do what we need to do. I remember, when I had my son, I would get really upset when I would have to go to the bathroom and he would start crying. It would make me so crazy that I would end up bringing him to the bathroom with me and holding him while trying to go. Great mental image, I know. So, my wise sister, seeing how miserable I was said to me, “You need to make a decision about what you will and won’t do as a new Mommy, and stick to it. Give yourself some groundrules right from the gate.” This was the best advice I ever got. From that point on, I decided that I would not be carrying him to the bathroom with me. If he was upset about my leaving the room, I could put him in front of the open door, but he would not be held while I was going to the bathroom. It was such a simple decision, but it made such a huge difference and it freed me up and eventually trained him, too. Miraculous!! I said all that to say, making a decision on what you will and will not do is necessary for every part of our lives, and our business and family life are no exception. So, to break this down, here’s what your compromisable and uncompromisable list might look like:
COMPROMISABLE
Sleeping a full 8 hours.
Spending time with friends.
Getting my kids dressed and fed in the morning and kissing them goodbye.
Decorating my house.
Shopping.
Calling people to “chat”.
Spending time on Facebook that doesn’t involve business.
Extracurricular Activities with school, church and community.
Couponing or bargain hunting.
UNCOMPROMISABLE
Picking my kids up from school.
Cooking and eating a healthy, satisfying dinner with my family.
Helping bathe my children and putting them to bed.
Having quiet time in the morning that is just for myself and spending time with God.
Spending quality time with my husband.
Working out every day.
Reaching out to people in need.
Keeping my house picked up and clean.
Paying close attention to and adhering to our family budget.
The important part of making these lists is to get really specific here. That way, you can always come back to this list and say, “Oh, yeah…I said I wouldn’t compromise that, and it looks like I am. Time to change gears!” It’s a guide. And that guide is based on who you are and what you are about. It is the heart of what you do and how you do it! Don’t skip this!
So…moving on! After I had created my business checklist of all the things I needed to do, I knew what days and times of the week I’d be working on that and I knew what was important to me and what I would and would not compromise to make it happen, THEN and ONLY then could I get clear on how I was going to go about all of it. And that meant some really explicit and detailed scheduling — sometimes down to the MINUTE — so that I could make sure it all happened according to the plans I had laid out. I began the scheduling with a GRAND SCHEDULE which I will provide. This schedule literally maps out my entire week and it includes my family and personal commitments. I have half-hour times in the first column and then, I have the days of the week horizontally on top: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…, and then I have half-hour time slots for each activity. This looks a lot like a calendar or a day planner. But the difference between this and your day planner is that it is specifically laid out in time slots. My biggest piece of advice on this is to get really specific about how you are breaking it all down in terms of when you’ll do what. Now, this is not the schedule to get super specific about work tasks, but it is merely a framework and screenshot of what your week will look like. Here’s why this is important: If you can have a mental image of what your week needs to look like, you won’t be pulled in 10 different directions and you can easily go back to that GRAND SCHEDULE and say, “Nope…I committed to this at this time on this day and it’s happening come hell or high water.” I have included a downloadable sample of my GRAND SCHEDULE for you to customize and personalize for yourself in this post.
Now, (are you still with me??? please don’t check out YET) after I’ve done all of those steps and made my GRAND SCHEDULE, I then start breaking up tasks and determining when I will do what in my business. Again, this is not hard and fast. You can always go back and tweak things and change them as you need to, but it is awesome to have it in writing. Something about having it in writing keeps you on track and helps you focus on what is important. The BUSINESS SCHEDULE looks almost identical to the GRAND SCHEDULE except for the fact that I’ve left out the personal details. This is the schedule to get REALLY specific about how I will break down my business tasks that I had laid out for each month earlier on. I will still have the time slots in the first column and the days of the week on top, but I will break down my tasks into slots that include specific tasks I will perform on those days at that time. OH. MY. GOSH. you guys! Doing this has CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER!! Knowing what I’m supposed to be doing and when has made my life so much easier. When someone sends me a text and says, “Hey, you wanna meet for coffee?” I can look at my schedule and say, “You know what? I’d love to do that, but I have this to do at that time.” or “You know what? I would love to! I have from 11am to 11:45am and then I have to get back to work!” Talk about DERAIL PREVENTION!! That’s what this is. It is DERAIL PREVENTION. We are preventing ourselves from getting derailed in our dreams and pursuits and we’re planning for our success.
Now that I’ve laid out for you how I got ORGANIZED ABOUT GETTING ORGANIZED in my life and in my business, I want to briefly (this post is already long enough) just talk about some of the fears and hesitation you may be having in even reading this.
…I’m not that organized…
You may be thinking, “Great for her, but I’m just not that organized!” Well, neither am I, truthfully. Yes, I have it in me. And I believe YOU do too. But it wasn’t until I began to get really serious about my goals for my business that I began to realize the importance of breaking all this down and making it doable for myself. And here’s the bonus of this: I did all the heavy lifting FOR YOU! I created the schedules and laid it out so that all you have to do is put your specific information in there.
…I don’t have that kind of time…
Another thing you may be thinking is, “I don’t have that kind of time! I work full time. or I have 3 kids that need me 24/7! or I am a single mom. or I have so much to do!” You know what? I get it. I may not be a single mom, but I am a mother of 3 young children. I don’t have any family members closeby who can help with the kids. I was working full-time up until now. I have quite a few responsibilities. But you know what? Nothing in this life is easy. I know that’s harsh, but it’s true. If you really want to achieve some goals and make some things happen, you HAVE TO GET ORGANIZED. Sacrifice is inevitable. Something will always have to be sacrificed. Whether it’s sleep…time with your kids…time with your husband…time with friends or extended family members…watching t.v…being on FB…SOMETHING has to give. And this is merely an exercise in figuring out what you can afford to sacrifice and making it happen intentionally. Again, I’ve laid out the groundwork for you to do this, so you don’t have to invent the process like I had to, AND I have to remind you that your schedule may look much much different than mine. You may have only 2 hours a day 4 days a week that you can dedicate to your business…or perhaps even LESS. The point is, make this YOURS!
…this is a lot of work…I’m not ready for this!
Another thought you might be thinking is, “Wow…this is more involved than I thought it would be! I’m not ready for this!” And you know what? That information is really good to know. If you aren’t in a position where you are ready to get all of this in order, then you can know that you’re not ready to go into business for yourself…right now. That doesn’t mean you won’t be ready a few months from now or sometime down the road. If this is you, don’t be discouraged. I beg you!! If you feel like this is just too intense, that is your call. And I will not hold it against you. I have had business ideas for YEARS, but I would be lying to you if I told you I was ready to do it before now. It just wasn’t a priority for me. But I’m going to be tough love on you again here. If you are saying this to yourself, you need to ask yourself if you’re just feeling afraid or you are just being lazy. I know…again…I don’t want to offend you here, but I want to lovingly say that you need to decide what is holding you back. If you truly don’t think you’re ready, that’s a legit feeling to have. But if you have an inner nudge that says you need to do this and it keeps coming up for you over and over again, FOR THE LOVE!!! Just do it!! And don’t resist this step in getting organized about HOW you do it!! It is so important for your success.
There’s so much more to say here, but I will leave you with this information for now. My sincere hope is that it is helpful for you, and I hope that you would share this post with people you know who are struggling with getting organized in their business. Also, take a moment if you will to subscribe to my email list so you can get more information like this. And lastly, please comment below. It helps me to know your feedback and how this has or has not helped you along your journey.
…here’s some FREE stuff for you!!
I’ve included a My Schedule printable download for you to customize to fit your business and schedule. Like I said, I use and cannot speak highly enough about Google Sheets to help me get really clear on what I need to be doing and when. Google sheets is great for creating spreadsheets, and if you have a Google account, it can be found in all the extras like docs and photos that you can use with Google. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s like Excel and it’s free. You can also share your google sheets with others if you are collaborating.
Enjoy!!!
(and don’t forget that feedback!)
xoxo,
Amy
Get your printable “My Schedule” download by signing up below!
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by Amy | Feb 18, 2017 | business organization
Before I began working full time outside of the home, I always thought my lack of success in business or even things at home was a direct reflection on me. I would beat myself up about the fact that I could never figure out how to find time to do anything. And I’m not even talking about BIG THINGS. I’m referring to small things like: getting laundry folded and put away, cleaning out clutter, organizing my pantry, cleaning up my backyard, putting up picture frames, or (gasp!!) filling out even ONE word, let alone a memory, in my children’s baby books. Now, I’ll be real with you. I didn’t lose sleep over any of that. Truthfully, I’m not that ambitious of a person by nature, and I knew if I let myself get obsessed about ALL THE THINGS I simply couldn’t find time or energy to do, I’d lose my mind. So I didn’t obsess. I didn’t let myself go into deep depression over it. But I did feel frustrated. I did feel like I didn’t measure up in a lot of ways. Sure, my kids were happy…I was somewhat happy on the surface, but a big part of me felt disheveled and completely chaotic.
Then I began working. Full time. Outside the home. From 5am to 1:30pm. Every day.
I tell you that because it was a complete shift in my perspective of what I could accomplish and what I could not do. And the list of things I could not do were FAR greater than the things I could do. I could: get groceries from the grocery store. I could put those groceries away. I could cook a simple dinner. I could clean up the bathrooms. I could throw laundry IN the washer…and later IN the dryer. I could KISS my kids goodnight and hug them as much as I could when I saw them. I could briefly chat or text my husband about his day. I could write a check to my daughter’s preschool and sometimes even put that check in her school folder so it got to the school’s director without a late fee.
I could not, however:
- Scrub my kitchen floors
- Cook yummy dinners
- Blog about my day
- Keep track of our family budget
- Call friends or family members and chat
- Spend quality time watching a great show in front of the t.v. with my husband and a glass of wine
- Shave my legs
- Wash my hair frequently
- Go out with girlfriends
- Spend lots of quality time taking my kids places
- Deep clean my bathroom
- Make sure my house was “presentable”
- Organize my photos
- Backup my harddrive
- Backup my phone storage
- Take long baths
- Clean up junk mail
- Sift through all the paperwork
- File away important documents
- Get laundry from dryer and fold it
And oh…the list goes on, but I will spare you ALL THE THINGS I COULDN’T DO WHEN I WAS WORKING FULL TIME.
So, this shift…this mental shift I had when I was working, helped me to realize that all this time I once THOUGHT I had was a myth. It simply wasn’t true. Now, yes, I was home more when I was a stay-at-home Mama, but the time I had to actually DO things was zip, zilch, nada, nil.
I said all that to say, that once I decided to quit my job and start working for myself FULL TIME, I quickly learned, once again, that even though my kids were not with me for a good portion of the day like they had once been, I still was racing the clock and spinning my proverbial wheels and finding that I wasn’t getting anything actually DONE in my day.
I think the concept of TIME is a real, booty kicking interesting concept, don’t you? I think we always THINK we have more time than we do, and we’re always SURPRISED when we discover that we’ve RUN OUT of time. I firmly believe that this is why the Apostle Paul warns us in Ephesians 5:15-16 to “Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil.” (HCSV) In the King James Version it says, “Redeeming the time…” and I like that word “redeem” because it really hits the nail on the head. If we don’t pay CAREFUL attention to our time, it will POOF!! be gone!! In an instant. In a heartbeat. Not only is LIFE itself super short, but our days are SO MUCH SHORTER. So it’s unbelievably vital for us to KNOW EXACTLY what we need to be doing with every moment of our every day. We don’t have time to waste.
by Amy | Feb 18, 2017 | business
In the post before this one, I shared with you how listening to podcasts and audiobooks literally TRANSFORMED MY LIFE!! I am THE evangelist for podcasts who will tell you that podcasts are THE BOMB! If you aren’t already listening AVIDLY to podcasts, NOW is the time to get started!
While I was sitting there at my desk job at Apple and listening to podcasts like a fiend, I had an epiphany, and it went something like this:
These people are NO different than me. They just got started and are doing it. I have every. bit. of ability. stamina. motivation. talent that THESE PEOPLE I’m listening to have. THAT’S IT!!! THIS IS WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!!
And that was it. There was no more turning back. There was no more thinking, “Gee…I really wish I had the drive to do something amazing.” All there really was at that point was POWER. I now felt completely empowered and equipped to get this all figured out and just DO it! Like the Nike ad, “JUST DO IT!” It made so much sense to me. I had spent years turning my wheels and wondering what I was supposed to do. And then I just realized that the people who are successful are only successful because they have just done it. They have done it. Failed. Done it again. Tried. Failed. Gotten back up. Done it again. And eventually…if they kept with it, they were successful at it.
So what had tripped me up all those years? The answer is simple and oh so common: FEAR OF FAILURE. It had plagued me like nothing else could. Fear of failure had left me paralyzed and useless.
But no more. I was determined to make something happen. And I want to share that determination with you. YOU can make something happen too. We are in this together.
So…JUST DO IT!
by Amy | Feb 2, 2017 | business
While working at Apple on the Maps Team, I quickly discovered that I was allowed to listen to things on my headphones while working. BONUS!! I love love love music, but since I’m a singer, I had a hard time listening to the music on my headphones without blurting out what I was hearing. I’m also a life-long learner and wanted the time there to be worthwhile for me, as sometimes the job itself was admittedly a little boring. OK…a lot boring.
I remember the first day of training when I discovered podcasts. I had heard people mention that they listened to podcasts, but I had never really explored what they were and what interest I would have in listening to them. After all, I had 3 kids. Who needed more voices to hear and things to do??? Not moi. But this…this job…allowed me to sit and listen to whatever I wanted to hear, so it seemed only logical to figure out what that would be. I started with podcasts of preachers. I’ve always loved hearing passionate, articulate preachers deliver a good message. I thought, “Oh…this will be great!!! I’ll be in a position to be uplifted WHILE I work!!!” And one day, while listening to a preacher I loved to hear, I started noticing there were literally podcasts with all different kinds of topics and subject matter. I bounced around a little here and there and started becoming familiar with the navigation around podcasts and key words to enter in the search bar, and discovered an entire world of valuable information delivered RIGHT INTO MY HEADPHONES!
One of the first small business podcasts I listened to was Chalene Johnson’s “Build Your Tribe”. On this podcast, Chalene interviews leaders in the online business industry and talks about her own personal journey while sharing amazing tips and tricks for getting your online business off the ground. Once I ran out of podcast episodes from Chalene, I started researching some of the people she had been interviewing and discovered Pat Flynn, Michael Stelzner, Michael Hyatt and Lewis Howes. Pat Flynn was a huge resource for me at the beginning. I even downloaded and listened to his audiobook entitled “Will It Fly?” and was super intrigued by the amazing insight and educational content value his business Smart Passive Income provides. Then…somewhere in there, I discovered Amy Porterfield, and let me just tell you, my whole perspective on what I was supposed me doing changed in a heartbeat! If I weren’t clear on what I was supposed to be doing BEFORE listening to Amy Porterfield, I was CERTAINLY clear now. She has podcasts on everything from facebook tips to creating content for your online business. Her tagline is “Online Marketing Made Easy” and she certainly makes it sound like it is!
So now, I will just tell you that I am an evangelist for good podcasts that share AMAZING information and help people like me get their game on and figure out what it is we’re supposed to be doing!
by Amy | Feb 14, 2015 | mama confessions, Uncategorized
Every time a moment like this happens, I think to myself, “I need to write this down.” But then, shortly thereafter, the moment passes and the gumption to record its effect quickly fades.
So, here’s the deal in a nutshell. I’ve been feeling low. Like wayyyy low. And I want to say that I prayed about it and God quickly rescued me out of that low and helped me feel better, but something even sweeter happened. I prayed that God would show me what he wanted me to do and lift me up.
Today I got a call from a woman who is my mentor mom in MOPS. I had hesitated to call her and talk to her about how I was feeling because for me, it’s easier to hole up and deal with things alone. the problem with that method is that I end up feeling more alone and sometimes more conspired against in the process. She, in her own sweet way, told me specifically how my life impacted the group. She told me about my bright light and my gifts that are integral and so necessary for the group to thrive and function.
Not even an hour later, I just happened to get a notification on my phone that someone had written me a private message through our church’s social network, “The City”. The message was from a person in our RLG at church who I barely know. She told me she really enjoyed hearing my point of view and how “passionate and articulate” I am. She said she wants to get to know me better and talk, because she enjoyed hearing me talk so much.
Hearing both of these things within an hour was one thing, but hearing them after I’ve undergone so much pain and sadness throughout the past few months was like an incredible healing salve that immediate soothed and healed the pain. It’s as if I never had any pain to begin with. I’m amazed by these very specific affirmations about who I am coming from two people within a short time span. It’s not just a self-esteem booster either. That would not have the healing powers that these words had. These words were specific. They affirmed what I could only hope I am putting out there and made me realize how unique and individual we all are and how unique and individual our gifts and abilities are. If I had not heard those words today, I would probably still be lingering a bit in my pit of despair and thinking about how I don’t belong. Instead, however, I have a new spring in my step today. I’m confident. I’m breathing. I’m living. I’m loving.
These women may never know the impact they had on my spirit today. I needed their words more than they could ever imagine. That said, it makes me even more conscientious about all the people who need my specific words of affirmations in their lives.
by Amy | Jan 7, 2014 | confessional, Uncategorized
by Amy | Jan 1, 2014 | mama confessions
I have really been avoiding posting on this blog over the past few months. It’s not because I didn’t have anything to write about. I always have something to write about. But I have avoided it because I haven’t been consistent with it like I’ve wanted to be this year, and like anything, once you stumble off the wagon, it’s really hard to get back on. I’m a perfectionist in the sense that I hate being inconsistent. In my mind, if I can’t give 100% and be really good at something, I don’t want to do it at all. But therein lies a real tragedy: We don’t end up doing anything! That’s me.
So, here I am again. Inconsistently blogging, and I highly doubt, with a baby on the way this week, things will change anytime soon. But I’m vowing that, in 2014 I’m going to be OK with that. I’m also going to be OK with attempting other things I can’t do 100% — homeschooling my oldest, cooking dinners, keeping the house clean, keeping up with laundry, corresponding with friends and family and the list goes on and on.
Over the past few weeks, as I’ve had some down time awaiting our newest addition, I’ve had some time to reflect on this past year, and I really want to share this with you and how much God has blessed our family through some unforeseen, challenging circumstances.
Our 2013 started out just a little rocky as we dealt with medical issues surrounding my son Tate’s unexpected seizures and brain inflammation in November 2012. We were, at best, coping with all the information we had been given, all the questions, all the upcoming appointments and procedures, and perhaps more daunting, all the medical bills. I can’t exactly put into words the sense of overwhelm we felt as parents of a young boy who had medical issues with no diagnosis and no treatment in sight. We sought out alternative medicine in the form of chiropractic care, herbs and acupressure in addition to making countless phone calls with specialists at the children’s hospital on his behalf, contemplating all the possible reasons he was going through what we was going through and giving him medication that was merely a bandage for the symptoms he was having while witnessing the side effects they caused him. We prayed. We went to appointments. We neglected other areas of our lives. We attempted to put on a happy face and shuffle through life like a normal family even though nothing about how we were feeling and thinking was normal.
As our year progressed, the initial shock and disruption subsided and we were able to assume a new normal in our family. This normal was a lot like our previous normal — only it involved watching our son’s every move, having weekly conversations and visits with doctors and giving my son his medication and acupressure treatments multiple times a day. We adapted. And so did he. No diagnosis was ever given, but we were elated that he was doing well and his seizures seemed to go away completely.
In addition to my son’s issues, we’ve been concerned about our extended families and some other situations going on with them, our own finances — which took a huge hit from all of the medical bills and expenses surrounding that, my vocal studio’s lack of enrollment, my lack of time and energy to do anything about it, and therefore, that lack of income, a sad, unexplained situation with our church which led us to another church, normal sicknesses and other every day occurrences that you don’t even think twice about unless you are already feeling pushed over the edge. Oh yeah, and finding out we were expecting another baby!
In many ways, our lives were no different than anyone else’s life this year. Everyone has his/her very own set of trials, joys, concerns and challenges. Just while trying to write this post, I realized that my site had been hacked and while my content was still there, the design of my website has been distorted. I mean, COME ON! But I digress…
I said all that to say, despite 2013’s challenges, I am so grateful for this year. It has taught me a lot personally, and it has helped to mold and shape our little family in ways beyond my imagination. We are still growing…we are still being molded and shaped, but we are stronger for having gone through all of this. Life has not been perfect, and since I am a perfectionist by nature, it has helped me to let loose of my tight grip and come to terms with all the imperfections. It doesn’t mean I don’t still get caught up in the day-to-day frustrations of my house not being as clean as I’d like or not having it together. I’d still like to be able to prioritize and manage my time a little better and get more done. I’d like to attempt to find a balance in my life between spending quality time with my kids and continuing to take care of myself so I can be the best Mommy I can be and earn a stable second income as well. These are all of my hopes and goals for 2014. I want to figure some things out. I want to learn the balance, but be content with the lack of balance I will experience on most days with 3 kids under the age of 5. I want to enjoy life and cherish every moment.
Happy 2014!! May this be a blessed year for us all 🙂
by Amy | Nov 28, 2013 | mama confessions
Oh how I’ve missed blogging. Like singing, it is my lifeline! And yet, time and energy has evaded me over the past few months, and it has fallen, among many other passions down the list of priorities and things to do. But, with a new baby on the way, and so many things going on in our lives, I am determined to fight through the sleep deprivation and do this — even if it’s just a grammatically poor one-liner that says how things are going!
So, here’s the deal…I woke up this morning, on Thanksgiving Day, feeling surprisingly content and rested and just happy to be alive. I don’t know why that doesn’t happen every day, and I really don’t know why I haven’t noticed feeling this much contentment in the past, but right now I am swimming in it. And I believe I know why.
Over the course of the past few months, I’ve been literally inhaling a book I just happened upon called “One Thousand Gifts”. I hadn’t heard anything about the author before, but I took a risk and downloaded it on my kindle. Since then, I have absorbed every word and gulped it down like a chocolate mocha with whipped cream after a 30-day sugar fast. I can honestly say that I have loved every minute of this book, and when it was over, I was so sad because I wanted more of it. This book has taught me things that I knew to be true deep down, but it made the truth a reality to me that I could grasp and act upon. Thank ya, Jesus!
The main thing I have gathered from it is learning how to be grateful and content…or how to practice Eucharisteo, as she puts it. Eucharisteo is a term that is literally the act of gratitude for what you have and how that act alone can open up God’s hands and help us to experience Him and know Him more and, in essence, change our lives. However, contrary to what I have been living and experiencing throughout my life, contentment is not a feeling, but an expression of obedience. In other words, I don’t have to feel contentment in order to practice gratitude. Quite the contrary. I choose to be grateful and that self-inflicted gratitude begats more gratitude, and before long, I am present, and in the moment, and I am oh so content.
I wish this was a philosophy of life that was shared more often. Every November, we are prompted to be grateful as we approach Thanksgiving, but I fear that few of us (including myself) ever know what that truly means. Like everything else, being grateful has become trite and trendy. You see posts on Facebook about things people are grateful for, and I don’t mean to knock that down, because I love reading them. However, I now believe true gratitude is much more than just counting all of the things we’re grateful for during one month out of the year. Gratitude…true gratitude, that is…encompasses our very being throughout every day of the year and changes how we act, think and feel at any given moment. It changes our lives. It changes our outlook. It changes our relationships. In other words, as great as it is to actually have things to be grateful for, the Bible says in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” It’s not about what we have. It’s about our attitude about what we have.
Whew! Now that’s a game-changer.
So, here I am, sitting here in the dark at 6:30am in my living room. My parents just arrived last night from Kansas City to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. I have 5 weeks to go before I meet my precious little baby girl. Everyone is sleeping but me and the dog. And I am content…oh so content. And I like me this way. Not only that, but I want to capture this feeling and keep it in a jar and take it out everyday — especially on those days when I am more prone to living the opposite. I don’t want to be the way I’ve been anymore. Discontentment brings about true and utter ugliness for me. And here are some things I am learning to let go of (even if painfully slow):
- Being grouchy and irritable. Because grouchiness is a form of discontentment. Something isn’t quite right, and everyone’s gonna know about it.
- Being a perfectionist. Because perfectionism is a form of discontentment. It means there’s always something that could be done better.
- Being a complainer. Because complaining is a form of discontentment. If I complain, I’m not content.
- Being critical. Because criticism is a form of discontentment. If I criticize, I miss out on contentment.
- Being envious. Because envy is a form of discontentment. If I envy, I am not happy with what God has given me.
You get the picture. These ideas seem obvious, but they weren’t for me. I knew, before reading this book, that I wanted to change, but I didn’t know what it required of me. I didn’t know it was right within my grasp. Now I do. And I thank God I do.
by Amy | Aug 21, 2013 | mama confessions
This past week, I’ve been really hard on myself about the fact that I have been seemingly incapable of making such a simple decision about whether or not my sons, ages 4 1/2 and 2, would go to a 2 day/week preschool program they attended last year. This past summer has literally flown by, and here I was, at the door of “meet-the-teacher” day, filled-out paperwork and fees that were immediately due. It was somehow too much for me to digest and deal with, and although we had already paid the nonrefundable deposit for their spots to be held, I just couldn’t fully move forward with the commitment to send them there without some pretty major hesitations.
My husband and I have mulled over and discussed this decision at great length over the past couple months. He has felt from the get-go that our oldest really needs the interaction, as do I. However, the cost of preschool alone and the fact that this particular preschool is 25 minutes from our home are both huge deterrents that keep us from whole-heartedly plunging forward and committing to it. The other factor is that we are expecting our third baby at the end of December, and the thought of trekking out and picking them up with baby in tow just feels like an overwhelming task I’m not quite sure I want to undertake.
While I was sifting through all of my thoughts over the past couple days, I finally decided to reach out to one of my like-minded girlfriends and confide in her about how I was feeling and how mad at myself I was for not being able to make a cut-and-dry decision. She quickly responded, telling me she was in the same boat and she was really frustrated with herself for it. She and her husband just got back from adopting a baby from China, and she has 3 biological children she is trying to make decisions for in the midst of all the adjusting. Wow was I relieved!! It’s not that I wanted her to join me in being plagued by indecision, but I was relieved because I didn’t feel alone. In some weird way her indecision validated my own, and I felt joy knowing that this is a situation we all face. I wasn’t just being hormonal or petty or irrational. I was being human. And humans don’t always know exactly what to do.
This also made me realize how much pressure we put on ourselves as mothers. We want the very best for our children. From the time we find out we are pregnant (or adopting) a baby, we begin to think about things like names, pediatricians, bedding sets, car seats and baby furniture. Once the baby is born, we mull over vaccinations and feeding schedules. As the baby grows, we are consumed with food and sleeping and the right bottles and toys…what they should wear…and the best activities to do to help stimulate their brains. It should be no surprise when we find ourselves carefully contemplating where or if they will go to preschool and what other extracurricular activities they should be involved in. We want the very best for our children. We don’t want our decisions to impact them in a negative way. We want them to learn as much as they can and grow to be amazing human beings. Right?
Truth be told, I’m a little overwhelmed by all the decisions that need to be made with regard to raising a child in this day and age. It seems like it is so complicated nowadays. To me, a lot of parents seem to be obsessed with the need to keep their children as busy as possible and enroll them in the best programs money can buy. But what if you aren’t so prone to being busy? What if you can’t afford the best programs? What if you have children who aren’t necessarily interested in having a tight schedule that involves learning everything possible they need to learn to succeed…by the age of 4!? Where does this leave you? Where does it leave your children?
I don’t, even for a second, judge the intentions of other parents. All I know is what I personally feel. And right now I feel overwhelmed by it all. There is this looming cloud overhead that tells me I need to make the best decision possible, and my head is spinning out of control trying to figure out what that is. I just don’t know. Isn’t that acceptable? Sure, I can’t go on not knowing forever. There comes a time when we need to be proactive and take steps forward regardless of how we feel. But I can’t ignore all the feelings that keep me from making a clear-cut decision, and I’ve always tried to live by the motto, “If in doubt, don’t.” Well, I’m in doubt. And the main doubt has to do with my pocketbook. I think my kids will survive and will be just fine if we don’t send them to preschool this year…this month…in two weeks. I think I will too. No matter what.
If you are a Mom like me and sometimes plagued with indecision, you are not alone. We all deal with it. We all struggle with the pressure we put on ourselves to make the best decisions possible for our families. I want to encourage you today, like I was encouraged by my friend’s email. Be gentle with yourself. Things will fall into place and be clear when it really matters. If in doubt, don’t. Let go of the guilt and the need to do everything perfectly. Your kids will be fine. And so will you.
Peace Out!
by Amy | Aug 8, 2013 | confessional, Uncategorized
OK, I’ve been really bad about blogging…on here…on my Mommy Blog…and everywhere else. I want to get better. I feel like I’m missing precious opportunities doing other meaningless things, so I’ve just GOT to get it together.
This morning (2:10am) I want to make it brief because I’m dog tired. So tired I can’t even think straight. But, I need to write this, and I need to give it to God.
Today we almost lost Tate…and when I say “almost lost” I am not casually saying I almost lost him in Walmart. We almost lost him forever. Oh to even WRITE those words sends chills down my spine and waters up my eyes. We were at a friend’s neighborhood pool. We had just arrived and I had already slathered sunscreen on both boys. We had talked in the car about how both boys were going to IMMEDIATELY put on their water wings before we went into the pool. We got there and I put everything on Julian while Tate ran off. At her awesome pool, there is an area that is JUST a splash pad, so he was over there checking that out. Then they have an area that is just a little baby pool. He went over there. Then one of the big pools is a zero entry pool that only goes to 4′ (or so I thought), so I wasn’t too worried since he’s a little over 4′, but I still wanted him to get those water wings on. He didn’t listen. I tried to relax a bit because he has been improving as a really good little swimmer this summer (despite my ability to get them in formal swimming lessons) and he’s been really confident. There was hardly anyone at the pool either, so I knew where he was at all times.
My girlfriend and I sat down at a little table so she could finish her lunch and were catching up. It had been ages since we last saw each other! I was telling her how much easier it’s been this summer taking the boys to the pool and how much more relaxed I had become because they were both such good swimmers and then I turned around and saw him out in the distance. He had crept into the deeper part of the pool (4’4″) without my noticing, and he couldn’t keep his head above water. FEAR! PANIC! RUN! I hadn’t even had the chance to take off my cover-up yet, so I ran out into the water and threw it off (into the water) and swam out to get him. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go too far, but he had already been bobbing and unable to breathe for much longer than he can normally hold his breath. I pulled him up into my arms and patted him on the back several times really hard. He was struggling to get that first breath again and gasping for air. I patted him a few more times and he eventually gasped and took that first breath and burped and coughed. Oh Lord, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for saving his little life!! I carried him back to the table where we were sitting and he coughed a few more times and as I held him closely, I could feel his little heart beating outside of his chest. Mine was too.
Oh Dear God, there are no words. I know this will probably not be the last time I come face-to-face with a close encounter that turns our world upside down. I just hope and pray I don’t ever have to experience something that horrific again. I would die if something happened to my kids. I would never forgive myself. We’ve already had a rough year dealing with all of his medical issues and feeling like we’re swimming upstream trying to solve that mystery. That turned our world upside down and inside out back in November 2012. But to actually lose one of our children to an unnecessary accident? Nope. I couldn’t live through that. I won’t.
So this “little” ordeal hopefully taught us all a lesson or two. It taught me that I can’t ever ever ever RELAX again or assume he knows what he’s doing when he refuses to do what I ask him to do and take all safety precautions. It hopefully taught him to listen to me and have a little fear where water is concerned. I don’t want him to fear water, but I want him to not have false confidence that he’ll be OK in the water without his gear or knowing how to swim first. That reminds me — I’ve gotta call that swim instructor and get them set up!!!
Already in just a few short years, I’m learning more and more that parenting is such hard work. I’m blessed that we have had second chances in situations like today. Some people don’t get a second chance or a do-over. Today could have changed our lives forever. I shutter to think that I could have lost our sweet, precious little Tate. He and Julian are everything to us. I also realize how quickly and easily we go from a life-threatening situation like this that stops our world in its tracks and we move past it and forget about it within a day or two. Life goes on as usual. That is such an odd feature in the human brain. But I don’t want to ever forget this. I want to take this life lesson, this opportunity, this near-death experience to take a step back and reevaluate what is important. I want to provide every measure for my kids to learn safety and be informed and prepared for as much as they possibly can. And I want to treasure all of these moments with them. They are so precious. They are so few.
Not only that, but these little ones depend solely on us for their survival. What a huge responsibility we have as parents. It is my responsibility to teach them how to listen to me. They can’t go around thinking that there won’t be severe consequences for not actively listening and following directions. This has been such a challenging stage with Tate especially in this regard. He does not listen to us nearly as often as he should. Sometimes we get really angry and make him listen. Other times we let it go because we feel like we are harping and ranting and nagging. And let’s face it, sometimes it’s just too damn hard to make your kids do something against their will. Sometimes it’s just easier to say, “Oh well…” and second-guess ourselves and think that what we are asking them to do is not that important anyway. NEWSFLASH: When they are this age, EVERYTHING we ask them to do is important because it’s teaching them that very very basic, fundamental skill of listening and obeying us. They have to learn it. It’s imperative that they learn it. If we don’t take ourselves seriously, they won’t take us seriously.
So yeah…I want this to stick. I want this to enforce change in our household starting…now.
Thank you, Dear Lord, for sparing my precious son’s life today. He is currently in his bed asleep, and he is breathing, and I’m so grateful for his breath. I’m so grateful he was smart enough to bob up and down and try to swim until I got there. I’m so hopeful that this taught him a valuable lesson. But I’m even more hopeful that this taught me a valuable lesson. What I say, ask, require of my children is important. But it’s only important if I make it important. I can’t let up. I can’t let go. I can’t give them wiggle room to disobey me or not listen to what I’m saying. They have to realize how important it is to listen and obey. It could save their lives. Lord, thank you for giving us a second chance today. Thank you for causing me to see some things that I need to change. Thank you for these precious, little lives you’ve trusted me with. Armor us as parents and help us to be strong and alert and not weary so that we can continue and press on toward this challenge of taking care of our children.
In Jesus’ Name I Pray…Amen.
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