by Amy | Apr 17, 2013 | Julian
I have been really really bad about blogging lately…on all fronts. I haven’t blogged on my vocal blog; I haven’t blogged on my Mommy Inspirational blog; and I certainly haven’t blogged on this blog. I don’t know why. I have just been really tired…really busy…really preoccupied with too many other things. I’d like to say that I will get back on track soon, but I don’t know that I will.
Anyway…I am here to share some very big news regarding my baby boy, Julian. He turned 23 months old this past weekend, and on Friday, April 12th I decided to give it a go at weaning him once and for all. I have SO loved nursing him for this long. It is a bond that I never had with Tate (since he gave up nursing at 3 months), and it was so sweet. It’s just that…well, it lasted a little too long for me. Truthfully, I think he could have easily kept going for another 2 years without any problem, but I am done. I just can’t do it anymore. He wakes us up at all hours of the night and won’t go back to bed without nursing. Last week, when I was really sick with a cold, he wasn’t feeling well either and needed to nurse around the clock. It was so exhausting and so draining that I decided I had had it. So as soon as I knew he was feeling better again, I made the decision to quit.
A girlfriend of mine had told me how she weaned her youngest by placing bandaids over her nipples and saying that Mommy had a boo boo. I was skeptical that this could work, but I tried it on Friday night and told Julian we could only have milk out of a sippy cup. He wasn’t even the slightest bit agitated by this notion. That gave me motivation to keep going. When he awoke that night, he did cry for the breast, but I reminded him that Mommy had a boo boo and he just rolled over and fell back asleep in our bed. The next day, on Saturday, I bought him a beautiful new sippy cup, which he loved, and played this whole thing up even more. He went to bed without any fussing again on Saturday evening and took to the sippy cup with no issues. He awoke again on Saturday night and was upset that he couldn’t nurse, but he fell back to sleep after a couple minutes of fussing and that was it. Sunday night was a little more challenging. Monday night even more. But today after school was the hardest. Usually when I pick them up from school, they are both really tired and fall asleep in the car on the way home. In the past, I’ve always transferred them easily to their beds/couch with no issues. If Julian ever woke up during transfer, I could always nurse him back to sleep and get him down again. Today, he woke up when I transferred him and I had no tactic up my sleeve to comfort him and get him back down. I tried rocking him. I tried carrying him around. I tried bouncing him. I tried giving him a bottle. He just cried, pawed me and then began screaming at the top of his lungs. It was horrible. I almost caved. But, alas, I held strong and he was fine…eventually. He never went back to sleep again, but he eventually calmed down and had a good afternoon.
Even though he seemed fine and played well, for the most part, I did notice him being more aggressive than usual and saying “Stupid” like he’s been doing lately. When I asked him what was wrong and if he was mad at me, he replied “yeah”. And here’s the biggest kicker…tonight, when I went in his room to rock him (like I do every night), he wouldn’t let me hold him. Instead, he insisted on sitting in the rocking chair on his own and I pushed the rocking chair back and forth until he fell asleep. That made me a little sad. I know things will be fine and he will be fine. I just feel like, tonight, I have lost my baby. This whole rocking and nursing routine…well, that was ours. That was what we did. And now that we don’t do it anymore, because I decided it’s enough, we don’t have that time together anymore. I know we’ll resume and find a new normal. I know he will still come to me and cuddle and maybe it will be even better because he won’t be coming to me to get something but instead to just love on me. Maybe that will happen. But right now, there’s distance. And I hate it. In fact, the temptation to rip off that bandaid is so strong, I have to keep thinking of all the things that made me nuts about continuing to nurse him throughout this past year. Man, motherhood is so hard sometimes, isn’t it?!
What’s crazy about all this is how badly I wanted to do it with Tate and how hard I tried to nurse him up to six months. I thought I’d failed when we barely made it to six months with me pumping and giving him that milk mixed with formula. Then Julian came along and nursing was SO easy. He just knew what to do and he preferred it over everything else. He’d take the bottle, but he wanted the breast. This was so foreign to me. I was so happy to be able to breastfeed him.
Well, (sigh), I’m sad tonight. I’m happy we have gotten over a hump and he didn’t even ask for it tonight. But I’m sad that he didn’t want me to hold and rock him. I hope that part of it doesn’t continue. Even if I don’t breastfeed him, he’s still my little baby. I don’t want him to get older and grow out of being close to me. I just need some space and I need my sleep!!
Dear Julian,
Someday you will know this story, because I will tell you or you might even read this letter. I just want you to know that I love you so much. I have so enjoyed your presence in our lives and what you add to our little family. You are such a ray of sunshine. You are so funny. You are so special to us. I have absolutely loved breastfeeding you and nourishing you with my milk over the past two years. You and I developed quite a close bond in my doing so. I hope that bond never goes away, and I hope you continue to know that closeness and warmth I gave you from the first moment you were born. You are still my baby and will be forever.
Love,
Your Mama
by Amy | Nov 14, 2012 | Tate
Dear Tate,
As we wind down on the eve of your 4th birthday, I can’t help but get emotional. This time, just 4 short years ago, I was already checked in at Round Rock Medical Center and told to “get a good night’s rest because tomorrow will be a long day!” by the labor and delivery staff. Little did I know, I was in labor all night. As I constantly got up, the cables I was connected to kept coming off. The nurses were getting irritated at me because they kept losing my stats on the monitor. At 5am the nurse finally checked to see if I was dilated, and I was well on my way at 5 cm. She immediately ordered an epidural and called Thomas at home (since they sent him home to get rest) to come quickly. I slept a little while to recover from the all-nighter I had just pulled and awoke around 10am to start pushing. You were here at 11:19am. And how my life changed forever!
As I recall those moments in the hospital that day that forever changed our lives, I feel so close to that time — as if it just happened yesterday. But then I look at you, and I think of all we’ve been through in these four years, and I know that some amazing and precious time has passed since that day. You are much taller now. You speak complete, clear sentences. You no longer cry. Well, you don’t cry often :). You sleep through the night without any problems. You don’t drink out of a bottle anymore. And the hardest part for me is, you are no longer a baby! You are no longer a toddler even. You are a preschooler! How did that happen? You can dress yourself. You can go to the bathroom alone. You can, for the most part, fix your own drink and feed yourself. And all of these things will continue to get easier and easier for you as you grow older and older.
Tate, I am SO very proud of you. Actually, I don’t even think the word “proud” comes remotely close to the way I feel about you. You are part of me. You are part of your Dad. You are our world. You are so special to us. Words can’t describe the way we feel about you. Before you were here, we knew we would love you. I felt that special bond with you because you were inside of me. We knew that you would be awesome and change our lives forever. But what we didn’t know is how amazing you’d be. We didn’t know how sweet and affectionate you would be. We didn’t know how caring and loving you would be. And we, for sure, didn’t know how cute you would be! 😉
Tate, I love how you call cucumbers “koo-kuh-mumbers” and hamburgers “hannah-burgers”. I love how you just came to me (when you should be in bed) and hugged and kissed me and told me that I’m the “best Mommy in the world.” I love how you get excited about something and want to tell everyone you meet about it. I love how you smell. I love how you get a serious look on your face when I ask you if you need any more to eat or drink and you pucker your lip and say, “No thanks. I’m fine.” I love how you think of others and want to make sure your brother is taken care of or when you want to draw a picture or give something special to your friend. I love how you get excited about giving to others. I love how thoughtful you are and how easy you are to be around (most of the time). And even though you many times drive me nuts with this, I love how you are particular about what you wear and make a big deal out of it every day and always want to wear the most inappropriate clothing for the weather that day. I love how you need to be cleaned off immediately after you get your hands or face dirty. I love how you play with things and keep yourself occupied in your own imaginary world. Man, the list of things could go on and on. You are such a sweety and you are so unique!
Tate, last weekend we went through a very scary time with you. Shortly after I wrote my last post, I was awoken by your Dad holding you in his arms and crying for help. You had called him in your room to get up, and the two of you had gone into the living room to play with a puzzle on the floor. When he turned around to look at you, you suddenly began convulsing and having a major seizure. You couldn’t even utter a cry. You were shaking uncontrollably all over. He immediately came and got me and we called 911. The fire department came and then the paramedics. They looked at you and took your vitals and took you in the ambulance down to Dell Children’s Hospital. We went through countless hours waiting with you in the ER. They admitted you and ran MRIs and spinal taps and EEGs to determine what was wrong and what had caused the seizures. When they got the test results back from the MRI, they found swelling on the left side of your brain. They kept you for 3 more days to try and determine what was going on, but eventually sent us home with no real conclusive answers — only possibilities of what could be wrong. We are scheduled to go back in six weeks for another MRI to try and see if they can see more when the swelling has gone down and attempt to give us a diagnosis.
Tate, my heart is just heavy and so sad over this whole situation. I am trying to keep my faith strong and we are believing in God and his promises for your health and complete recovery. I pray that nothing is wrong when they take the MRI again and that this was all just a random event that will eventually go away and leave you unscathed. I pray that you wouldn’t even remember that it happened other than from us telling you about it someday. I pray that we never have to go through and witness you having another seizure like you had that day. It broke our hearts into a million irreparable pieces. I don’t think I’ll ever get over seeing you like that. It took my whole world and flipped it upside down. It shook us and made us question everything!
On a lighter note, I wanted to share how absolutely incredible you are and were over the past few days. You were brave. You were so strong and so peaceful throughout this whole horrifying, unexplainable event. You were, of course, irritated a couple of times with the IV and all the cables hooked up to you. And by the third day, you wanted your own clothes on and you wanted to go home. But you were a trooper. You were kind to the nurses. You were patient with us. You smiled when I know you didn’t feel like smiling and you made everyone around you feel at ease. You stayed strong and you were resilient. I love that about you as well.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for this precious, sweet boy, Tate, who you have blessed us so richly with. He is such an amazing little guy with such a big heart! He is funny. He is charming. He is as sharp as a whip and so so smart! He is extremely athletic for his age and plays soccer and basketball so well already! He is a good little singer with such a sweet voice. He is an artist who loves to draw and paint and color! He is a big helper who loves to bake and cook and go get things for Mommy. And most importantly, he is ours! We love him so very much Lord. Thank you for blessing our lives with his presence and sweet spirit in our household. We pray that you would protect him and keep him safe from all harm. We pray that you would help him to continue to grow in his love for you. We pray for complete healing and recovery for him Lord. Guide us and guide the doctors to better understand his condition and know how to help him. And mostly, give us peace during this time and put aside all fear and anxiety that we are battling with every second of every day.
In addition, Lord, thank you for all the wonderful people in Tate’s lives who care about him and are praying for him right now. We thank you for our wonderful friends and family who came to our aid during this time. We thank you for friends and neighbors who brought gifts and food to the hospital and at home. We thank you for friends who cared for our dog, Casi and Julian during this time. We thank you for the meals we are enjoying that not only help us out but warm our hearts as well.
Today, we give you our sweet Tate and pray that you would just hold him in your hands, Lord, and bless him.
In Jesus’ name we pray…Amen!
by Amy | Aug 14, 2012 | Julian
I’m not ashamed of gushing about my kids at all. After all, they are my kids! I just want to take a moment (since I rarely get these) to sit down and write a little about things that have been going on in our lives lately.
For starters, I realized this past week, that I haven’t really catalogued Julian’s milestones lately like I’ve meant to. It’s just been hard to find the time. I guess I really need to get more disciplined about things like this and budgeting. I don’t know why I shy away from the baby books and journals. I really want to keep up with important milestones and pictures, etc…but the time just isn’t there! I don’t know where it goes to be honest.
Anyway, today Julian turned 15 months old. I can’t believe it’s already been 15 months since he was born. I’m more astonished by this than I was when he turned 1 year old. I think the milestones are more drastic. Over the past 3 months, since he turned 1, he has gone from crawling to walking very well. He actually started walking fully around the second week of June. I only know this because he still wasn’t quite there yet when we were up in Kansas City at the beginning of June, but he managed to figure it out the week after we got home. I just never wrote it down. TERRIBLE MAMA!! Not only that, but he has gotten 4 more teeth (all molars) over the past month. I really need to get this stuff written down. When, oh when!?
On top of that, he has been saying lots of words and understanding more and more of what we’re saying. He’s like a little parrot.
He’s so funny. The other day, we went to the park, and he pointed his finger out the window and said very clearly, “Park.” Ummm…yes, you’re right…that is the park! What a doll. Then, that same day, we were walking through the grocery store and I said the word “kitchen” in a sentence, and as plain as day he says, “Kitchen”.
Just so I can make sure I’m on track with his vocabulary, here are the words he can say so far:
- Park (ha!)
- Kitchen
- Finished
- Cheese (with a cute grin)
- Dadddyyyyyyy (very proud of this one)
- Tate (more like, “Datttt”)
- Dog
- Ball
- Book (he likes to say, “Book a book” or “Bookee”)
- Nein (his favorite) or Noooooouuu
- Pa-pa (makes Grandma mad)
- Bye bye (very clearly) with hand waving
- Hallo (very deep voice — with hand waving)
I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of all of them at the moment.
He also loves to eat. This boy will try anything. His favorite foods are waffles, strawberries, grill cheese sandwiches, quesadillas, chicken, french fries, pizza, blueberries, yogurt, mangos, and the list goes on!
His hair is just gorgeous right now too. He has these long blonde curls. Everyone thinks he’s a girl. lol
Julian Paul is quite the character. He knows what he wants and doesn’t like to let up. He has been fighting back when his older brother takes things away from him, too. That also makes me proud.
The only problem we’re having with him is that he still isn’t sleeping well. This is one reason why blogging is so hard. I would do it every night if I could, but I just don’t have the energy. These boys are tough. Tate is finally sleeping through the night, but it took him 2 1/2 years to do so. I’m afraid we’ve got the same issue with Julian. Drives me bonkers!
Anyway, all that to say, we are just in love with this little guy.
Happy 15 Month Birthday, Julian! You make our world light up with your precious, bright smile and those big cheeks!
Love you love you love you!!!
by Amy | May 13, 2012 | Julian
Dear Julian,
I just wanted to take a moment to wish you a very Happy 1st Birthday! Wow! I can’t believe you’re already 1 year old! Time flies so quickly. I remember vividly the day you were born. I went into the hospital around 6am on Friday, May 13th, 2011. I was given petocin to induce labor shortly thereafter, and you were born at 1:21pm. I barely had any labor as you came with only 3 pushes in 10 minutes. It was so quick! And you were so beautiful. You had lots of hair and were so alert and peaceful in my arms.
Though this year hasn’t been easy with two boys, it has been full of so much love and joy — more than I could ever have imagined. Your presence in our family is such a beautiful one. You are so sweet and funny, too. Your laugh is infectious. Your smile lights up a room. You have a charm in your eyes that just makes me stare at you in amazement.
From the time you were born, you always snort when you are upset and crying. It’s really funny, actually. That’s your trademark. As you’ve begun gooing and cooing, you have developed your own language which sounds a lot like yodeling. “Doodle…doodle…doodle…etc…” as you learn how to roll your tongue back along your top teeth. You say “Dada”, “Tate”, “do-do”, but you still haven’t managed “Momma”. Oh well, I’m not too hurt.
Today, on your 1st birthday, you took 2 steps on your own. You were so proud of yourself. You have been attempting to stand on your own for some time now and you are so close to walking. It’s just a matter of days. Uh oh! I better watch out! You are already into everything. Our lives are getting ready to change BIG time!
Yesterday, you had a birthday party with some of our friends and neighbors. You were so cute. We sang happy birthday and put the cake in front of you, and you were so hesitant and careful at first. Then, before we knew it, the cake was everywhere. You were so interested in that cake that everyone else had already eaten and gone back into the other room, and you were still sitting there long afterwards with your spoon still in hand.
Julian, I am so happy to be your Mom. I couldn’t have had a better Mother’s Day today and shared it with your birthday! We had the best time. You and Tate and Daddy went to church with me so I could teach the choir. Then we went to Home Slice Pizza where we had really good pizza and you and Tate played with dough balls. Then, we came home and everybody had a long nap. I can only hope that you both stay sound asleep all night tonight. I need a good night’s sleep — for once!
You are such a sweet little man. Keep smiling and lighting up our lives with your presence!
We love you so much!!!!
Mommy, Daddy, Tate and Casi
by Amy | Feb 14, 2012 | Julian
Today is Julian’s 9 month birthday! We went to see Dr. Unite at Treehouse Pediatrics first thing this morning for his 9 month check-up, and get this–he weighs a whopping 23 POUNDS!!! Geesh! No wonder my back is killing me! Thank God I’m back in the gym getting my core back in shape. There’s no way I could carry him without more muscles in my back. But what a sweetie he is!
Little (big) Julian is such an amazing and sweet little guy. He is very easy-going and happy, but he is also strong-willed and knows what he wants. His cry has never been very loud from DAY 1. Even at his most desperate state, he fusses very little and only really cries if he is hurt or really tired. Even then, he is so easy to console. I usually know what he needs, and his tears are quickly turned into smiles.
Since he was born, he snorts when he’s upset and giggles with his entire body. He has fat rolls from head to toe, and truthfully, I hope they stay there for a while so I can kiss on them.
He is very ticklish. Getting him dressed and undressed is always a hoot, because he just roars with laughter and wiggles to try to get away from what he thinks is you tickling him.
He is so curious right now. He’s crawling so he is into EVERYTHING, and he is pulling himself up to stand and starting to let go of the object he pulls himself up with in order to stand freely and admire himself.
Julian is not drawn to baby toys. He sees everything that Tate plays with, and he wants to play with those things, too — whether it be toy trains or cars that light up or the remote control to the t.v. or my car keys or whatever other thing he can get his hands on that does not look like a baby toy. He has plenty of baby toys, but he is absolutelynot interested in them. Not even for a second!
He just got his four teeth on top and he looks so funny when he smiles with all of these big teeth! He never had a fever or any reaction to his teeth coming in. I just kept seeing them get bigger and bigger.
His hair (which is basically ash blonde) is getting thicker and thicker. At night, after his bath, I can get it to curl a little with some baby lotion, but other than that, it’s pretty stick straight.
He is now attempting to feed himself and doesn’t like to be fed unless it is cereal or yogurt. He is starting to refuse more foods now, which is a little troublesome, but I’m not too worried. He is a very messy eater and likes to turn his head away just as I’m putting the spoon to his lips. Little Booger!
Over the past few days, he has been talking a lot more saying “Doodle, doodle, doodle” and rolling his tongue around on the back of his teeth. It is a very strange, but funny sound and he likes to make it. Yesterday, we all could have sworn that he looked up and said, “Tate”. If he didn’t, I’m sure that will be the first word out of his mouth. He absolutely ADORES his big brother! We wish the feeling was a little more mutual, but I’m sure, as he gets older, Tate will appreciate him more. Right now, he is just a pest and Tate doesn’t know how to handle him getting into all of his toys!
What else? He still isn’t sleeping well. Tonight is an exception (which is why I’m getting an opportunity to write a post). He normally wakes up 2-3 times before I even GO TO BED, so needless to say, I am a little tired and fed up. However, I don’t have the heart to let him cry it out. Hopefully this will all sort itself out…someday!
Well, that about sums up my post about Julian. We love him dearly and we are so grateful that he is part of our little family. We look forward to many years of watching him grow!
Happy 9 Month Birthday, Baby Boy! We love you!!!!
Recent Comments