Happy 4th Birthday, Tate!
Dear Tate,
As we wind down on the eve of your 4th birthday, I can’t help but get emotional. This time, just 4 short years ago, I was already checked in at Round Rock Medical Center and told to “get a good night’s rest because tomorrow will be a long day!” by the labor and delivery staff. Little did I know, I was in labor all night. As I constantly got up, the cables I was connected to kept coming off. The nurses were getting irritated at me because they kept losing my stats on the monitor. At 5am the nurse finally checked to see if I was dilated, and I was well on my way at 5 cm. She immediately ordered an epidural and called Thomas at home (since they sent him home to get rest) to come quickly. I slept a little while to recover from the all-nighter I had just pulled and awoke around 10am to start pushing. You were here at 11:19am. And how my life changed forever!
As I recall those moments in the hospital that day that forever changed our lives, I feel so close to that time — as if it just happened yesterday. But then I look at you, and I think of all we’ve been through in these four years, and I know that some amazing and precious time has passed since that day. You are much taller now. You speak complete, clear sentences. You no longer cry. Well, you don’t cry often :). You sleep through the night without any problems. You don’t drink out of a bottle anymore. And the hardest part for me is, you are no longer a baby! You are no longer a toddler even. You are a preschooler! How did that happen? You can dress yourself. You can go to the bathroom alone. You can, for the most part, fix your own drink and feed yourself. And all of these things will continue to get easier and easier for you as you grow older and older.
Tate, I am SO very proud of you. Actually, I don’t even think the word “proud” comes remotely close to the way I feel about you. You are part of me. You are part of your Dad. You are our world. You are so special to us. Words can’t describe the way we feel about you. Before you were here, we knew we would love you. I felt that special bond with you because you were inside of me. We knew that you would be awesome and change our lives forever. But what we didn’t know is how amazing you’d be. We didn’t know how sweet and affectionate you would be. We didn’t know how caring and loving you would be. And we, for sure, didn’t know how cute you would be! 😉
Tate, I love how you call cucumbers “koo-kuh-mumbers” and hamburgers “hannah-burgers”. I love how you just came to me (when you should be in bed) and hugged and kissed me and told me that I’m the “best Mommy in the world.” I love how you get excited about something and want to tell everyone you meet about it. I love how you smell. I love how you get a serious look on your face when I ask you if you need any more to eat or drink and you pucker your lip and say, “No thanks. I’m fine.” I love how you think of others and want to make sure your brother is taken care of or when you want to draw a picture or give something special to your friend. I love how you get excited about giving to others. I love how thoughtful you are and how easy you are to be around (most of the time). And even though you many times drive me nuts with this, I love how you are particular about what you wear and make a big deal out of it every day and always want to wear the most inappropriate clothing for the weather that day. I love how you need to be cleaned off immediately after you get your hands or face dirty. I love how you play with things and keep yourself occupied in your own imaginary world. Man, the list of things could go on and on. You are such a sweety and you are so unique!
Tate, last weekend we went through a very scary time with you. Shortly after I wrote my last post, I was awoken by your Dad holding you in his arms and crying for help. You had called him in your room to get up, and the two of you had gone into the living room to play with a puzzle on the floor. When he turned around to look at you, you suddenly began convulsing and having a major seizure. You couldn’t even utter a cry. You were shaking uncontrollably all over. He immediately came and got me and we called 911. The fire department came and then the paramedics. They looked at you and took your vitals and took you in the ambulance down to Dell Children’s Hospital. We went through countless hours waiting with you in the ER. They admitted you and ran MRIs and spinal taps and EEGs to determine what was wrong and what had caused the seizures. When they got the test results back from the MRI, they found swelling on the left side of your brain. They kept you for 3 more days to try and determine what was going on, but eventually sent us home with no real conclusive answers — only possibilities of what could be wrong. We are scheduled to go back in six weeks for another MRI to try and see if they can see more when the swelling has gone down and attempt to give us a diagnosis.
Tate, my heart is just heavy and so sad over this whole situation. I am trying to keep my faith strong and we are believing in God and his promises for your health and complete recovery. I pray that nothing is wrong when they take the MRI again and that this was all just a random event that will eventually go away and leave you unscathed. I pray that you wouldn’t even remember that it happened other than from us telling you about it someday. I pray that we never have to go through and witness you having another seizure like you had that day. It broke our hearts into a million irreparable pieces. I don’t think I’ll ever get over seeing you like that. It took my whole world and flipped it upside down. It shook us and made us question everything!
On a lighter note, I wanted to share how absolutely incredible you are and were over the past few days. You were brave. You were so strong and so peaceful throughout this whole horrifying, unexplainable event. You were, of course, irritated a couple of times with the IV and all the cables hooked up to you. And by the third day, you wanted your own clothes on and you wanted to go home. But you were a trooper. You were kind to the nurses. You were patient with us. You smiled when I know you didn’t feel like smiling and you made everyone around you feel at ease. You stayed strong and you were resilient. I love that about you as well.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for this precious, sweet boy, Tate, who you have blessed us so richly with. He is such an amazing little guy with such a big heart! He is funny. He is charming. He is as sharp as a whip and so so smart! He is extremely athletic for his age and plays soccer and basketball so well already! He is a good little singer with such a sweet voice. He is an artist who loves to draw and paint and color! He is a big helper who loves to bake and cook and go get things for Mommy. And most importantly, he is ours! We love him so very much Lord. Thank you for blessing our lives with his presence and sweet spirit in our household. We pray that you would protect him and keep him safe from all harm. We pray that you would help him to continue to grow in his love for you. We pray for complete healing and recovery for him Lord. Guide us and guide the doctors to better understand his condition and know how to help him. And mostly, give us peace during this time and put aside all fear and anxiety that we are battling with every second of every day.
In addition, Lord, thank you for all the wonderful people in Tate’s lives who care about him and are praying for him right now. We thank you for our wonderful friends and family who came to our aid during this time. We thank you for friends and neighbors who brought gifts and food to the hospital and at home. We thank you for friends who cared for our dog, Casi and Julian during this time. We thank you for the meals we are enjoying that not only help us out but warm our hearts as well.
Today, we give you our sweet Tate and pray that you would just hold him in your hands, Lord, and bless him.
In Jesus’ name we pray…Amen!
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