Finally!!!

by | Nov 4, 2011 | mama confessions

 Today I ordered actual prints of some of the pictures we’ve been taking throughout the year.  I have been working on creating a folder of all of my favorite pictures, and I finally uploaded them to Walmart’s online photo department and picked them up this afternoon.  Since the kids fell asleep, I’ve been drinking my favorite Austrian wine and putting all the pictures in frames.  I can’t believe it has been nearly six months since I’ve done something this productive.  I have been so upset that I haven’t been able to get around to doing this ONE THING, so it makes me happy that I finally have a sense of accomplishment.  It took having relatives book a flight and say they are coming this weekend for me to do it, but hey…some things just need a little motivation!

PICTURES ARE IMPORTANT TO ME!  (sorry about the caps…it’s the wine)  I like having pictures up ALL OVER MY HOUSE!  It makes me feel good.  It makes me realize how incredibly lucky I am.  It makes me feel blessed and loved.  It makes me PROUD!  I am so proud.  But not in a conceited way.  I am proud, because I never thought I’d have  this.  I never thought I’d have this wonderful family.  So many relationships failed to succeed throughout my twenties and made me believe that I wasn’t worthy of love.  When I met Thomas after so many broken, failed relationships, I couldn’t believe that love had finally found me.  The feelings were right.  The timing was right.  I’m still pinching myself.  It’s not perfect.  Nothing is.  We argue over stupid things.  We get on each other’s nerves.  He still has yet to figure me out and I have yet to figure him out.  But we love each other.  Deeply.  We love each other more than our problems.  We love each other more than our failures.  We are best friends.  This makes me so grateful for all the failed relationships I had before him.  Thank God I didn’t end up with some of those creeps!  He is such a gem.  He makes me a better person.  OK…enough of the sappy stuff.

So, I have all the pics in frames and actually need to go and buy more frames.  I’m realizing how frameless I am.  har har har  No, but seriously…writing while drinking wine is hard. 

Thomas and I just looked at each other and said, “Why are we still awake?  The boys are sleeping!!!!!!”  There’s something about the freedom that comes with having both boys in bed that makes us not want to sleep.  I don’t know why, since I always complain about sleep deprivation.  You’d think I’d be all curled up and asleep by now, but I’m not.  So dumb.

OK, the wine has definitely taken over and not allowing me to have any thought worth having, so here is my gratitude list:

Today, I am grateful for:

  1. welll…my child just woke up!  what are the odds?
  2. Austrian wine
  3. the great day I had in my pajamas
  4. the cooler weather
  5. my house is clean
  6. crap, he’s crying
  7. my pictures are printed and in frames
  8. ok…now he’s really crying
  9. chocolate
  10. sex

ok…sorry!  that was random, but gotta go!

 

Cold Front

by | Nov 3, 2011 | mama confessions

So, apparently there is a cold front coming through tonight, and my body can already sense it.  The wind is blowing swiftly through the trees outside, and all I want to do is curl up under blankets and sleep.  This is why I need fall/winter.  I am a hibernator.  I really enjoy going on lock down and just staying home and nesting in my little house, making soup and cookies and lighting candles.  It’s my thang!  It all has to do with my need to just be antisocial for a season.  This is my season.  I love people and meeting friends — don’t get me wrong.  But, I also just love time to myself.  I laugh because I haven’t had time to myself in approximately three years, but now, time to myself consists of just being home and not running all over God’s green earth doing stuff to fill up my day.  When you have kids, that’s tempting to do.  But, I am so rewarded by the days that we are just home, not doing much of anything.  Those are the times memories are made and we are rejuvenated and energized for days to come when we are busy.

OK, so how did I get on that kick?  Today was a great day.  We went to the park this morning.  There was a light, cool breeze in the air and the kids really had a lot of fun.  We have our German playgroup meetup on Wednesdays, and we just love getting together with this group and getting to know the people in it more and more.  It also really helps my German to stay intact, and I think I’ve even improved since we’ve been meeting regularly.  Tate and his little girlfriend, Elizabeth, were so cute today, too.  They immediately started holding hands when they saw each other and were pretty much inseparable the whole time.  When Tate would swing, Elizabeth wanted to swing.  When Tate wanted down from the swing, so did she.  It was so adorable.  It’s nice to see them playing together so nicely and really forming a true friendship.  Children engage in parallel play (playing alongside each other without really interacting) for so long throughout their infant and toddler years, so the interaction with one another is a sure sign that they are really maturing.  You can see that now so clearly.  I’ll have to post a picture of them soon.  They are so sweet!

After the park, we forged on to Costco.  We hadn’t eaten lunch yet, so thankfully, they had their sample carts set up with all kinds of different foods to sample.  That helped us make it through the store in one piece.  Thank God!  We had so much fun.  Tate really enjoys trying different things.  I am always intrigued by what he’ll eat in a store in a little paper cup vs. what he’ll eat at home when I serve it to him.  He’ll try anything there.  At home, however, he’s not so adventurous.  I guess I should change my approach and start standing behind a cart with a uniform offering his food in paper cups or on tooth picks.  Hey!  I just might be onto something!

OK…I’m too beat to make sense, but I wanted to write my gratitude list.  By the way, this list is keeping me ALIVE lately and really changing the way I think.  I still have a tendency to look at the glass a little half empty, but it’s totally improving my outlook on life.  I think cultivating the awareness in and of itself is a good thing.  I also love and am looking forward to another New Way of Being telecourse, but unfortunately, there isn’t one til next week.  I love it, because it’s just a reminder to me that I need to slow down and enjoy the little things in my life.  The old me (prior to kids and even sometimes nowadays) would get stressed out when the house was a mess or my son was acting up.  I would remember times when little things would set off my whole day and make it a “bad day”.  But since I’ve become aware of that tendency toward downhill spiral, I am able to push the pause button more often than I used to before just reacting, and ask myself some key questions that help me refocus and get my day back on track.  For instance, if I find myself getting frustrated with my son, it’s helpful for me to stop, take a deep breath and ask myself why his behavior is frustrating me or having such a negative impact on me.  Then I am more able to approach him with a gentler tone and redirect his behavior.  I’m still working on this, but it is helping me so much and helping him as well.  I love all the resources there are, and I eat up any new information I can get. 

Today, I am grateful for:

  1. My love for reading and learning and growing.  I love that I crave more knowledge all the time.  And what I love even more is that there is endless knowledge to receive. 
  2. My son’s everchanging maturity level.  He is growing up so fast.  Love him!
  3. The cold front coming through tonight.  Hermit weather is finally approaching.
  4. The fact that right now, at this very moment, both of my children are sound asleep.  (why I am not is a whole other story)
  5. Being invited (although I could not attend) to come and help out at an annual women’s conference today.  Knowing opportunities like that exist helps me stay on track and know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
  6. My singing voice.  It has been such a wonderful instrument for me.  I haven’t sung in ages, but I am looking forward to the day I can dust off these cords again.
  7. My personal voice.  I always knew I had one in me, but now it’s getting more focus and direction (except for this blog post).  I hope and pray that God can use me in some way to touch lives with my voice someday.  I feel like this blog is a start. 
  8. This blog.  I had no idea how much I would look forward to writing everyday.  It is not a chore.  It is an exciting, fulfilling way for me to unleash my thoughts and get a broader perspective on my current state.  It’s like morning pages (from The Artist’s Way), but instead, it’s night pages.
  9. My new panini press/grill.  We used it tonight to make an amazing panini dinner and it was so easy!!  Why I haven’t bought one of these until now is a mystery! LOVE!
  10. My whole house is clean.  It took doing things in several phases over the course of this week, but other than a few odds and ends, the house is clean.  Yay!!! 

 

Student didn’t show

by | Nov 2, 2011 | mama confessions

THANK YOU, GOD!  My first student didn’t show!  Normally, I would not necessarily be happy about that, but today I am SO relieved.  This means I only have to teach 5 students instead of 6.  It shouldn’t make that much of a difference, but it does for me today.  My energy supply is SO low that teaching 6 might have caused me to go over the edge.  OK…gosh I can be so melodramatic!

Man, today was a great, exhausting day!  Things are no longer black and white like they used to be.  I used to have exhausting days or great days.  Now they are wrapped into one.  They are both.  I like that about having children.  I don’t get to stay in a slump or get too excited because things are always changing.  My days can start out beautifully — everyone is on the same wave length and we’re happy, well fed and we all poop before we leave home.  Then, in a matter of seconds, my day can unravel and spin out of control like nobody’s business.  It makes a person a little more flexible.  I need that.

I am super pressed for time, since, while I’ve been trying to type this, my son has been literally crawling and climbing all over my studio and me like a little monkey.  I just begged him to leave me alone for a sec so I have a min before the next student is due to arrive.  Oh well.  Didn’t happen.

So, quickly…here is my gratitude list:  (and don’t think I’ve forgotten about my favorite products!  will post them later!  I promise!!)

I’m grateful for:

  1. beautiful, sunny, cool mornings walking with my boys and my dog around the neighborhood while pushing my amazing double stroller!
  2. my great students who sometimes don’t show and give me a break
  3. moments in my day where I can briefly take a breath and rejuvenate (I cherish those now)
  4. the fact that no one day is good or bad or exhilarating or exhausting.  they are all wrapped into one!
  5. great songwriters and singers who get me going.  I just can’t get enough of Sara Bareilles or Bob Schneider. 
  6. the fact that my little man is getting so big and mature and we can actually have conversations now. love him!!
  7. the fact that my other littler man is also getting so big and is always SO happy and content that I forget he’s here.  Just wish he’d sleep for longer stretches at night and give me a night off from time to time.
  8. pulled pork (I’m making that for our out-of-town guests this weekend. YUM!
  9. my husband who comes home early on Tuesdays so I can teach
  10. great friends like my girlfriend Katie who came over today after I hadn’t seen her for a long time.  It’s always great to catch up and feel like we’ve never missed a beat!

My student is here…gotta go!

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK…I’m back!

It’s 10pm and I’m beat.  Been a long day.  My almost 3 year old (which reminds me…still need to get his b-day invites sent out!) has been ditching naps altogether or not taking them until it’s too late in the day to mess with.  Today, he didn’t seem like he wanted to take a nap, so I didn’t waste my time forcing the issue.  Came back to bite me in the ass.  While I was teaching my last student of the day this evening, he fell asleep on the couch while my husband was making dinner.  So, I come out of my studio at 6pm to find out both of my sons are napping.  Not asleep for the night, mind you, but napping.  What do you do?  There’s not a lot you can do, really.  We tried waking him and finally were able to get him up after 20 minutes or so.  Then he was doing pretty good at dinner, but all hell broke loose before, during and after bathtime.  I swear, there is nothing I loathe more than hearing a wound up kid at 8pm.  I’m in the other room trying to get the baby down for the night and all I could hear was shouting, screaming and a very loud bath whistle blowing through the house.  To quote my friend Jenn, I wanted to THROTTLE someone!  So, I get the baby down, go in the living room to read a book with him, cuddle a bit and say our good night prayers (which I love to do, btw), and I wasn’t in there 10 minutes before I’m given the news that my baby is wide awake and fussing.  I rush back in to see what all the commotion is about and find him WIDE awake and ready to party.  What gives??  Why do children decide to be wide awake when you are dead tired and ready to jump off a bridge?  These are daily questions I ask myself.  So, it took nearly an hour to get the baby down.  Meanwhile, I hear my other son fighting sleep in the other room and yelling at the top of his lungs, “I WANT MOMMY!!!!”  Ugh…this story just gets worse.  I’ll spare myself from typing the details and everyone else from reading them.  It’s frustrating to even think about…let alone, live.  People who have children that sleep well (or no children at all) have no idea what it’s like to have children who struggle with sleep.  It’s beyond tormenting.  You feel like you want to cry, scream, kick something, strangle someone, beat yourself up, drink something, give your kids a sedative, die or all of the above.  It is no fun.  And no book or piece of advice in the world can make sense or help you overcome this struggle when you are beyond sleep deprived and crazy.  It’s like reading a book about overcoming alcoholism after you’ve just drunk your 19th beer in a row.  I used to hear my friend Jenn complain about this very issue with her sons (before I had the issues myself) and think, “Gee…is it really that hard?  Who is in control?  The kids or the parents?”  Sorry Jenn, if you read this, it wasn’t a judgment…it was merely a thought that crossed my mind as I contemplated how I might handle the same situation.  Well, I’m here to say that you are either blessed or cursed in this department.  I am blessed 1000 times over in so many areas in my life, but I am cursed in this one.  I have tried everything with my oldest son, and I’m afraid that this one just stumps me.  He is not always difficult to get to sleep…it’s usually been the staying asleep part that drives us batty.  He never fully wakes up.  He just wakes us up and then the downward spiral begins.  Since my baby was born, the getting to sleep part with my oldest seems to have become harder and even more challenging.  While he used to easily go to bed by 8 or 8:30, he’s been pushing this time to 9:30, 10 and sometimes 10:30.  My husband is the one who puts him to bed now and it is a real challenge for him to deal with.  We’ve found that not letting him nap as long or at all has helped, but marginally.  When he naps, he usually doesn’t pass out til 10 or after.  When he doesn’t nap, he might go to bed by 9. 

Then there’s my baby.  He was a great sleeper early on.  He slept from 10pm to 4 or 5am til he was 4 months old.  (Am I boring you yet?  Because I’m boring myself)  Now, he wakes every 2 to 3 hours to feed or poop.  It’s ridiculous and exhausting.  But he’s SUCH a good baby and so happy that I hate to even complain.  It’s just hard to take right now.  I’m praying it gets better.  It will.  Right?  It has to.

OK…on that note.  I’m going to bed.  This was not supposed to be a venting session about sleep.  One day, I will look back on this phase and laugh.  Right?  One day.

 

things that drive me nuckin’ futs and Happy Halloween!

by | Oct 31, 2011 | mama confessions

First of all, Happy Halloween!  btw-my husband, who never dresses up for Halloween, is going to work as Justin Bieber today. My idea.  Love it!

OK, so with all this gratitude, we knew I couldn’t make it a week without counteracting with some things that make me crazy and grouchy right?  It’s a rite of passage.  If we try to be grateful, we will always find more to complain about.  That is the human condition.  I am human.

DISCLAIMER:  This will probably be the most random, ADHD blog post you have ever read!

WRINKLES:

OK, so last night I noticed that I had a very deep crease in my forehead. WT_!???  And I thought I was going to escape aging!  Darn the system!  It’s funny.  I posted about time going by quickly last night.  Earlier yesterday afternoon, I had a random conversation with a neighbor I barely knew about how time goes by so quickly and today I’m blogging about my fine lines (not so fine anymore) and wrinkles.  Why do wrinkles bother people so much?  I have always laughed at my husband when he pulls out his gray hair (which I think is quite sexy!  not the pulling out part, but the gray hair itself), but now I find myself looking very critically at my aging face.  I mean, I already accepted facial hair as a fact of life a longgggg time ago and have since come up with a very regular plucking regime.  I have also accepted sagging, rather unattractive, tribal breasts (which I intend to have repaired when I’m done with childbearing and nursing).  I have also accepted my own run in with a few gray hairs here and there, because HAIR COLOR works wonders.  But WRINKLES!???  This is truly the end of my youthful existence, isn’t it?  OK, I’m being dramatic.  But seriously…this is ridiculous.  OK, so I admittedly used to be a sun goddess.  Despite the fact that I was warned from many aging adults (like myself now) when I was younger, and despite the fact that my sweet Aunt Georga died at the very early age of 30 with melanoma skin cancer, I still loved sun bathing…and still do.  Now,  my once supple, super human skin is paying the price.  I now have age spots, fine lines and sagging, less than elastic (like the commercial) skin.  It’s depressing.  Audience participation question:  What do you do about it?

MAGAZINES:

The other thing that is bugging me and hanging over my head like a lead balloon is all my magazines.  I am currently a subscriber to a few magazines:  Shape, Rachael Ray, Family Circle and Parents.  I love all of these mags, but I NEVER (and I mean NEVER) have time to even glance through them.  I put them on the toilet thinking I could catch a glimpse there.  But I have no time to poop either, so that doesn’t work.  Then, I put the mags in the car for when we go places as a family.  Nope, don’t have time there because I’m usually turned around taking care of a kid in need or in the backseat entertaining.  Now the mags are up to my height and I can’t even imagine trying to go through them all.  Seriously…all I really want from these mags is advice on how to get your kids to sleep 20 hours at a time and a fail proof, healthy recipe or two that my almost 3 year old will eat every time without argument or fanfare.  I also love looking at new products out on the market (for wrinkles and age spots).  Oh, and reading Shape might just make me feel like I’m closer to getting in shape — even though my butt won’t see a gym for another 5 years (when the kids are in school).  But again, this is all about the unrealistic expectations, isn’t it?  It’s driving me NUTS!  So…soliciting more audience participation:  What do you do about it?

BLISTERS:

I have blisters on both of my feet from the cool new shoes I just recently found at a garage sale.  They are totally comfy shoes, but my feet are in so much pain from wearing them out a little too long on the first go ’round.  I’ve tried peroxide, ointment, band aids and they are so painful that I can barely walk barefooted. 

OK, so now I’m just going to write a list of things that get on my nerves to save time and get it all off my chest, so I can get on with my day and move on:

  1. stacked up junk mail on my kitchen counter.  BOOOOOOO!!
  2. leaves and dead bugs brought in by the dog
  3. when someone doesn’t push their chair back in at the table after they get up from eating
  4. walking around the house with a toothbrush in your mouth.  Why multitask?  Get the job done AT THE SINK!
  5. people who don’t use their blinker.  I don’t know where you are going!!
  6. people who complain too much (silent cough)
  7. people who are never satisfied (two silent coughs)
  8. silverfish. gross!
  9. stacked up junk mail on my kitchen counter.  I know.  I already mentioned this.  It drives me NUTS!
  10. things that don’t have a place. a name. a partner.
  11. Since I repeated #1, I get one more right?  OK…I am fed up with my garage being cluttered and dirty.  In fact, I hate clutter.  Despise it.  That will be another blog post.

Here are the things I’m grateful for:

  1. My cutie patootie little guys
  2. My Justin Bieber lookalike
  3. klru (Austin Public Television)
  4. the fact that I got 2 bathrooms cleaned yesterday and managed to sort through my baby’s clothes and organize his closet
  5. the fact that I’m totally OK to look at a basket of dirty laundry sitting in my hallway today.  Tomorrow, this might be a problem.
  6. the fact that my husband and son went to HEB yesterday and picked up some odds and ends, so I don’t have to go today.  YAY!!!
  7. comfy clothes.  love comfy clothes when it’s a little nippy outside.
  8. products I j’adore (which I will list in another blog post later today)
  9. ideas I love (another blog post)
  10. methods I love (another blog post)

Too da loo

 

 

 

weekend is over…already?!

by | Oct 31, 2011 | mama confessions

where does the time go?  I mean really!  this weekend just came and went without warning.  (oh, btw, i’m too tired to differentiate between caps and non-caps in this post, so everything will be non-capped — unless I decide to cap it because it’s habit.)  so, I made it through my first weekend in a longgg time where I didn’t freak out.  Thomas might beg to differ.  but I really just went with the flow and didn’t get worked up over the house being messy or things needing to be done.  I mean, I had laundry list of things that I wanted to do and I needed for him to take care of, but whatever didn’t get done just didn’t get done.  Whatevs. proud of myself.  that’s all I can say.

we had a really great weekend actually (now that you ask).  let’s see…what did we do?  well, I can’t remember.  Hmmm…let’s see…Friday we didn’t do anything.  I think we had leftovers. (see…it’s all about food for me)  Saturday, we spent a lot of time outside and getting some things done in the yard (well, thomas did).  I cut Tate’s hair and he actually let me — for about 2 minutes — so it was rather uneven.  then I called up my friend Gina and asked her if she could fix it later.  Then a girlfriend of mine came over with her son and dropped off her computer and took Tate for lunch.  He was such a big boy that he went without us and didn’t shed a tear.  Wow!  Big milestone!  Then, when he got home, I took him over to Gina’s and he didn’t cry at all while she cut his hair.  Proud again.  He is growing up before my eyes.  How is this possible?  I am not sad that he’s growing out of some of these stages, but it makes me realize that time is just going by.  He’s been pottying all week on the big boy potty; he got his hair cut without drama.  Crazy!

Anyway, today I cried about my Grandma and talked to her a little.  I know that sounds silly, but I believe she is here with me.  Thomas had taken Tate to get my car washed and go to the grocery store and I was here with Julian preparing dinner.  I used to call her around this time on Sunday afternoons and talk about what I was making for dinner and what she was making.  Sometimes, I’d ask her for advice on a recipe or she’d ask me to send her the recipe I was making.  Then she’d ask about everyone in the family and how they were doing and we’d laugh about something or other that happened over the week.  Nothing real eventful…we’d just talk.  Sometimes for only a few minutes.  Sometimes we’d talk as long as an hour.  I miss that.  I miss her.  I don’t even like to talk on the phone really…but I liked talking to her.  She was the one person I could call and I know she’d be happy to talk to me.  (sigh)

well, this happens to be the most random post I’ve made in a while, so I’m going to take that as a hint that I need some sleep.  I hope I’m more interesting tmw.  If not, hopefully my readers will get out and enjoy some nice weather.

freak out mode

by | Oct 30, 2011 | mama confessions

OK, so I’m freaking out a little (ok…a lot).  My Aunt and Uncle are coming in town this Friday, and the house is…well, less than clean.  It wouldn’t bother me so much, but my Aunt is a super clean neat freak.  Why do these things get my panties all up in a wad?  I know I need to just breathe and not freak out about the house, the laundry, what I will make for dinner when they’re here…but I do.  A lot!

I think the biggest issue I’m having with this phase of my life is the little (very little) time I get to do anything — even the non-fun stuff.  I know the phase will pass and before I know it, I’ll be looking back and wishing I had young children again who need me every second of my day, but right now, I just want some ME time.  And I don’t get it.  Ever.  OK…my husband always says I take things to extremes.  I do get ME time sometimes — like during the 2 hours of sleep every night when someone isn’t waking me up needing to be fed or having their diapers changed or yelling out, “GO AWAY SCARY GHOSTS!” from the other room in their sleep.  Yep, I guess you could call sleep ME time too.  Or right now, for instance, when I’m taking a much needed break from running frantically around the house while everyone is taking a nap and cleaning the bathrooms, so that, at least, I can have that checked off my to-do list for the week.  Or after I get done writing, providing someone hasn’t woken up yet, when I frantically toss a load of laundry in the wash and frantically run around the house picking up toys so I can frantically vacuum and mop the floors upon their waking.  It’s so silly, isn’t it?  I’m admittedly silly. 

So, my first reaction is to completely hole up this week and not see another soul, except for my children, and bust my ars til I get the house sparkling and everything neatly put away.  But, I know that’s not realistic.  I need some space to breathe and I need to realize that the house will not look perfect when they come and I can be OK with that.  And, more importantly, I can’t let this week go by without spending quality time with my boys and seeing some friends.  There.  I said it.  It’s out there.  Life will go on and I will live. 

OK…so onto less heavy stuff, because I feel like my blogging has had a rather heavy, complaining tone lately.  That is not how I want to come off — either in writing or in person.  I want to be upbeat and always looking on the bright side.  har har har

OK…baby #2 is awake.  Gotta bolt!

But, before he reallllly wakes up and wants me, here’s my gratitude list:

I am grateful for:

  1. This beautiful sunny, cool, breezy day.
  2. Being content being at home.
  3. Sleeping kids — well, half of them.
  4. Husbands who do a lot and give a lot and make our lives easier.  I love mine (even if I’m kinda irritated with him at the moment).
  5. My beautiful sons who make my day worth living.
  6. My wonderful friends both near and far.
  7. The way the house looks right now. (because if I’m grateful for it, maybe it’ll clean itself)…wishful thinking
  8. My amazing double stroller.  Have I mentioned that before?  I will have to write about it in my next blogging session. LOVE IT MORE THAN CHOCOLATE!  OK, that’s a lie.  But I do like it a lot!
  9. My bed.  Wish I could come down from ADD long enough to lie in it.
  10. Sundays with nowhere to go.  I need days like this more often. 

 

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