I wish I could get in the habit of doing the things I need to do on a regular basis. I know so many other people stick to habits every day — whether good or bad. I can’t seem to get my act together and get in the habit or routine of doing anything. I would love to work out. I would love to BLOG. I would love to plan our week’s meals. I would love to do our budget. I would love to organize my photos. I would love to do a lot of things that I can’t seem to find a way to do. But here’s the thing…WHY am I so hard on myself? I am a Mommy of 2 sweet little boys under the age of 3. Does anyone in my situation figure this out? And if so, who are they?? What are they like? Are they control freaks and anal retentive like me? Do they also vacuum the living room and kitchen come hell or high water because the dust balls and food remnants simply gross them out too much to “let it go”? What is it about me that desperately needs these things to be done and yet, I can’t ever find a way to do them?!
Today, I had an agenda. I’ve come to realize that my agenda rarely works out. However, today it could have worked out, but I just didn’t care enough to make it work out. Both boys napped for quite a while, and right now, both boys are asleep and it’s only 10pm! I have a list a mile long of things that need to be done: Laundry, organizing photos, budget, car cleaning, phone calls and emails that need to be made, etc…but the thing I’m slowly realizing is that that list NEVER ends. I could literally run myself ragged and I would still have things looming in the air that need to be done. I was even proud of myself today, because I was able to realize when I put Julian down for a nap this afternoon that Tate really needed me to spend some time with him. Normally, I would rush around and let him sit in front of the t.v. and feel guilty but still plug away at laundry or whatever else is on my to-do list. But today I said, “Let’s read a book or two” and we had the BEST time and laughed until Julian woke up. I thought to myself, “I need to do this more…” The problem is, if I do that every day, nothing will ever get done. The truth is, someone has to cook; someone has to clean up; someone has to do the laundry and so on. But I don’t want to wake up someday when my kids are 8 and 6 and both in school and think to myself, “You wasted those precious young years of their lives worrying about the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes, the stains on the counter and the stupid budget!”
aughhh…even now as I write this I’m uptight because I have this sinking feeling that I will lie my head down on the pillow and someone will wake me up as soon as I fall asleep.
The true curse of a mother is never having the feeling like anything is done. It’s true. I never would have imagined that to be the case, but it’s an awful feeling. And even if you do feel like you are on top of things, you will usually quickly realize you are not when something unexpected happens.
Today was a good day. Both boys were in a good mood. Julian turned 5 months old!! The weather was beautiful. I was able to clean the kitchen (somewhat). I cooked dinner and was able to vacuum the living room and kitchen. Don’t judge me! Laundry will have to wait til tomorrow (if then) and if I’m lucky, I might get a chance to finish my vacuuming frenzy and get all rooms done. Mopping should also happen this weekend, but I’m not going to hold my breath. I spent good quality time with my boys today. We went for a walk with Casi this morning, then went to the library for storytime. Tate got stamps on his hands for storytime and we checked out some cute Halloween library books and a tractor dvd. I took Julian’s 5 month pictures and some turned out really cute. I was able to play around with Quicken and get a little closer to actually keeping track of our finances. I may have one of my strollers sold as of Sunday and I got an appt to have Casi bathed tomorrow morning. A lot was accomplished today. It’s not what I would have accomplished without having to take care of two kids, but who am I kidding? Some of my days were less productive before I had children to unravel my folded laundry or spit up all over my freshly cleaned shirt. Maybe it’s that whole theory that when you’re under the gun, you get more done. I certainly think that’s true for me.
My point is, I will have plenty of time to have clean floors, adorable Halloween decorations, organize my photos and have a garden. Now is not that time. I have two amazing little boys who I get to have by my side for such a short time in life. I pray I can love on them more and find a way to strike a balance between taking care of the house and spending time with them.
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