Student didn’t show

THANK YOU, GOD!  My first student didn’t show!  Normally, I would not necessarily be happy about that, but today I am SO relieved.  This means I only have to teach 5 students instead of 6.  It shouldn’t make that much of a difference, but it does for me today.  My energy supply is SO low that teaching 6 might have caused me to go over the edge.  OK…gosh I can be so melodramatic!

Man, today was a great, exhausting day!  Things are no longer black and white like they used to be.  I used to have exhausting days or great days.  Now they are wrapped into one.  They are both.  I like that about having children.  I don’t get to stay in a slump or get too excited because things are always changing.  My days can start out beautifully — everyone is on the same wave length and we’re happy, well fed and we all poop before we leave home.  Then, in a matter of seconds, my day can unravel and spin out of control like nobody’s business.  It makes a person a little more flexible.  I need that.

I am super pressed for time, since, while I’ve been trying to type this, my son has been literally crawling and climbing all over my studio and me like a little monkey.  I just begged him to leave me alone for a sec so I have a min before the next student is due to arrive.  Oh well.  Didn’t happen.

So, quickly…here is my gratitude list:  (and don’t think I’ve forgotten about my favorite products!  will post them later!  I promise!!)

I’m grateful for:

1. beautiful, sunny, cool mornings walking with my boys and my dog around the neighborhood while pushing my amazing double stroller!
2. my great students who sometimes don’t show and give me a break
3. moments in my day where I can briefly take a breath and rejuvenate (I cherish those now)
4. the fact that no one day is good or bad or exhilarating or exhausting.  they are all wrapped into one!
5. great songwriters and singers who get me going.  I just can’t get enough of Sara Bareilles or Bob Schneider. 
6. the fact that my little man is getting so big and mature and we can actually have conversations now. love him!!
7. the fact that my other littler man is also getting so big and is always SO happy and content that I forget he’s here.  Just wish he’d sleep for longer stretches at night and give me a night off from time to time.
8. pulled pork (I’m making that for our out-of-town guests this weekend. YUM!
9. my husband who comes home early on Tuesdays so I can teach
10. great friends like my girlfriend Katie who came over today after I hadn’t seen her for a long time.  It’s always great to catch up and feel like we’ve never missed a beat!

My student is here…gotta go!

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OK…I’m back!

It’s 10pm and I’m beat.  Been a long day.  My almost 3 year old (which reminds me…still need to get his b-day invites sent out!) has been ditching naps altogether or not taking them until it’s too late in the day to mess with.  Today, he didn’t seem like he wanted to take a nap, so I didn’t waste my time forcing the issue.  Came back to bite me in the ass.  While I was teaching my last student of the day this evening, he fell asleep on the couch while my husband was making dinner.  So, I come out of my studio at 6pm to find out both of my sons are napping.  Not asleep for the night, mind you, but napping.  What do you do?  There’s not a lot you can do, really.  We tried waking him and finally were able to get him up after 20 minutes or so.  Then he was doing pretty good at dinner, but all hell broke loose before, during and after bathtime.  I swear, there is nothing I loathe more than hearing a wound up kid at 8pm.  I’m in the other room trying to get the baby down for the night and all I could hear was shouting, screaming and a very loud bath whistle blowing through the house.  To quote my friend Jenn, I wanted to THROTTLE someone!  So, I get the baby down, go in the living room to read a book with him, cuddle a bit and say our good night prayers (which I love to do, btw), and I wasn’t in there 10 minutes before I’m given the news that my baby is wide awake and fussing.  I rush back in to see what all the commotion is about and find him WIDE awake and ready to party.  What gives??  Why do children decide to be wide awake when you are dead tired and ready to jump off a bridge?  These are daily questions I ask myself.  So, it took nearly an hour to get the baby down.  Meanwhile, I hear my other son fighting sleep in the other room and yelling at the top of his lungs, “I WANT MOMMY!!!!”  Ugh…this story just gets worse.  I’ll spare myself from typing the details and everyone else from reading them.  It’s frustrating to even think about…let alone, live.  People who have children that sleep well (or no children at all) have no idea what it’s like to have children who struggle with sleep.  It’s beyond tormenting.  You feel like you want to cry, scream, kick something, strangle someone, beat yourself up, drink something, give your kids a sedative, die or all of the above.  It is no fun.  And no book or piece of advice in the world can make sense or help you overcome this struggle when you are beyond sleep deprived and crazy.  It’s like reading a book about overcoming alcoholism after you’ve just drunk your 19th beer in a row.  I used to hear my friend Jenn complain about this very issue with her sons (before I had the issues myself) and think, “Gee…is it really that hard?  Who is in control?  The kids or the parents?”  Sorry Jenn, if you read this, it wasn’t a judgment…it was merely a thought that crossed my mind as I contemplated how I might handle the same situation.  Well, I’m here to say that you are either blessed or cursed in this department.  I am blessed 1000 times over in so many areas in my life, but I am cursed in this one.  I have tried everything with my oldest son, and I’m afraid that this one just stumps me.  He is not always difficult to get to sleep…it’s usually been the staying asleep part that drives us batty.  He never fully wakes up.  He just wakes us up and then the downward spiral begins.  Since my baby was born, the getting to sleep part with my oldest seems to have become harder and even more challenging.  While he used to easily go to bed by 8 or 8:30, he’s been pushing this time to 9:30, 10 and sometimes 10:30.  My husband is the one who puts him to bed now and it is a real challenge for him to deal with.  We’ve found that not letting him nap as long or at all has helped, but marginally.  When he naps, he usually doesn’t pass out til 10 or after.  When he doesn’t nap, he might go to bed by 9. 

Then there’s my baby.  He was a great sleeper early on.  He slept from 10pm to 4 or 5am til he was 4 months old.  (Am I boring you yet?  Because I’m boring myself)  Now, he wakes every 2 to 3 hours to feed or poop.  It’s ridiculous and exhausting.  But he’s SUCH a good baby and so happy that I hate to even complain.  It’s just hard to take right now.  I’m praying it gets better.  It will.  Right?  It has to.

OK…on that note.  I’m going to bed.  This was not supposed to be a venting session about sleep.  One day, I will look back on this phase and laugh.  Right?  One day.