Frazzled and Frayed
After another long interlude, I am back! And I am oh so frazzled. How does one get organized and stay organized? I ask myself that every day! How do YOU get organized and stay organized? I’d like to know if someone out there manages it.
I’ve always said, I have never been middle of the road at anything. I’m either a smooth running machine who brings home the bacon and fries it up in the pan and never never lets you forget you’re a man (sorry…had to resort to that 80’s commercial)…or I’m a total, complete TRAIN WRECK! Now, I’m not saying that I am on the train wreck side right now, but I’m not functioning at full speed, if you know what I mean. I mentioned to a friend the other day that I always seem to feel like I’m just a step behind the beat. And, if you’re a musician, you know that ain’t a good place to be in.
Maybe my expectations are just a little too high for myself right now. Or are they? I don’t know how people manage sometimes when I look around me. Are they burning candles at both ends and just have good undereye concealer? Or are they lying?
OK…so, you’re probably wondering what I’m frazzled about. Well, truth is…everything! I just realized tonight that I hadn’t even been online to check my bank account in a LOT of weeks. Who doesn’t check their bank account? Not only that, but I haven’t managed to enter in anything in my kids’ baby books in MONTHS! Which means, I’m going to have to backtrack and LIE. Hmmm…let’s see…I think he got his cuspids in at 9 months…that would mean it was February…hmmm…yeah, February 14th…wait, no…that was Valentine’s Day…what did I do on Valentine’s Day? I guess nothing because I can’t remember it. Oh yeah…my baby’s teeth…yeah, let’s say he got them in February 28th. Yep! That sounds good! Seriously.
And as if Facebook doesn’t have a way of rubbing it IN YOUR FACE that you’re behind the beat…now, we are blessed with a wonderful new time wasting machine called pinterest. My sister invited me the other day, and after spending about 10 minutes on there, I started feeling like the world’s biggest LOSER. It all started with this table I liked that someone had stenciled in paisley and then stained over. So, I clicked on the picture to see a bigger version of it and was diverted to this woman’s blog. I started reading the blog and looking at all of her other cute projects and realized that this woman was probably about my age with a 2 year old and a tiny infant. The reason I noticed this was because, in all of her project pictures, the kids were somewhere in the background playing with the glue gun or dowel rods she was using for her current project. My first thought was, “Wow…she has two kids under the age of 3 and she does artsy, crafty, creative projects and has time to BLOG about them!?? What the HELL am I doing with my day?” Then, I thought, “This woman is insane.” Then I started lamenting the fact that I used to do projects and dreaming up fun creative projects I should do soon. Then, I started feeling overwhelming stress about how I was going to finish the projects with the kids around. Then I decided to go have a glass of wine and try to forget about the prospect of ever doing a project again until the kids are in college. Ha! So sad. But so true.
Seriously though…are all of these social media sites (as well as parent magazines) just trying to torture us? I’ve had egg whites sitting in my fridge for a week that I would love to make macaroons with. WHEN!? I can hardly keep my veggies from going bad. I would oh so love to free up some space and time, but I don’t know how it’s possible. This weekend was supposed to be a relaxing, uneventful weekend. I was so looking forward to it. We had NO plans for once. I was happy thinking about all the things I would tackle and complete — changing my phone number over to my cell, installing all the programs that were on my old pc to my new one, laundry washed and folded and put away…macaroons made (lol)…baby book updated. Whatever. Here’s how it went down:
Friday: Finally schedule a babysitter to come and watch the kids while we go out for dinner. It was great. Drank a little too much wine. Ate a little too much. Needed it.
Saturday: Friend who is moving here calls from NJ to ask if we can take her husband out and show him around town. We, being the hospitable people that we are, were thrilled to have him over and show him around town. Didn’t get home until almost 3pm. Boys were exhausted. Naps were thrown off. We were exhausted. Nothing was accomplished. Leftovers from the past 4 nights for dinner. Went to bed early.
Sunday: Slept in a little. Thank you JULIAN! Got up and made cinnamon rolls (from a can). Got a call from my girlfriend in Vienna (who I haven’t talked to in weeks). Couldn’t talk because we were getting ready to eat breakfast. Decided we wanted to try out a new church. Attempted to get ready for church as my 3 1/2 year old chased the dog with pillows from our bed while screaming at the top of his lungs. Turns out, anytime we give him even remotely too much sugar, he FLIPS OUT! Note to self. Went to new church. They were having a celebration Sunday where the pastor wasn’t there and it was all music dedicated to Independence Day. Figures. Happens every time we go to a new church. Meanwhile, girlfriend called me back and I wasn’t home to take her call. Went to lunch at a place where kids eat free on Sunday. Neither child ate anything on their plate. We both got sick. Hoped and prayed both kids would fall asleep in the car on the way home from lunch. They didn’t. Took turns on the toilet (I know…TMI). Watched t.v. and skyped with Tom’s parents. All of us took a nap (at 3:30). Woke up at 5pm from nap to find that my son had fallen asleep on the couch and peed through his clothes and couch cushions. Had to wake him up and take him in the bathroom to strip him of all his clothes and hose him down (SCREAMING AND CRYING). Stripped the covers off the couch cushions. Wiped down the cushions with peroxide and water. Did a load of laundry. Made dinner. Ate dinner. Cleaned up after dinner. It is now 7pm at this point. Thomas takes boys outside with him so I can get some things done. I hurry (as usual) to get my things done and go back outside and to find that he’s pissed and frustrated because he can’t get his things done in the yard with the boys out there. I take the baby inside with me and try to finish what I was doing to no avail. Give boys a bath. Sneak out while Thomas finishes bathing them to finish up what I was doing, but hear screaming. Go in to help him get the baby’s pajamas on and get the baby put to bed. End up reading books with both boys and keeping one from jumping ship. Take baby and put him to bed. It is now 9pm. How did this happen? Where did my day go? Where did my weekend go? This is the same story every weekend. How do other people have time to do projects?
OK…so, I’m really not complaining here. I have said it before and will say it again: I LOVE MY LIFE! I really do. I just wish there was some balance to it, ya know? I’m finding this whole balancing act to be a little, well, exhausting. And truthfully, there’s NO time for creativity, recreation, hobbies, fun. I wish there was time. I would be doing it if I even had an inkling of time and energy. But, henceforth (I just had to use that word), I don’t.
So, here I am. It’s 10pm and I’m gone with the wind, but dadgummit I’m going to blog whether or not it KILLS me.
Hopefully, things will start to look up. Hopefully I can find a way to get my life back a little and start doing at least some of the things in life I love to do. In moderation, of course. Hopefully, I can find some balance and in so doing, find a way to soak up the wonderful, fleeting moments with my children and still feel fulfilled because I’m also feeding myself. Right now, these possibilities seem like leap years away. But, I know with some creativity (and sleep), I will find a way to make time for myself again.
Over and out.
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