by Amy | May 26, 2020 | confessional, mama confessions
Guys, we need community!
And we desperately NEED other people!
And yes, we EVEN need people we disagree with or don’t necessarily share the same political, religious or mask-wearing/not-wearing views with.
In the history of humans, we desire interactions with other humans.
It’s who we are.
But here’s the deal:
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been in quarantine/under lockdown/following “Stay Home” orders for the past 60+ days, and unless we are working with others outside our home, many of us…most of us aren’t communing with others on a day-to-day basis like we used to anymore.
And this isn’t good. Not good at all.
But guess what we ARE doing?
You guessed it.
We’re going on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and we’re watching news that we sorta, kinda trust and consuming articles that very often only strengthen and very seldom challenge our own current views and stances.
And then guess what we’re doing?
You guessed it.
We’re feeling conviction. We’re feeling anger. We’re feeling sad and helpless. And in the midst of it all, a deep need to connect. We’re feeling the need to have a conversation. Both good ones and bad ones. We are human.
We are…feeling.
And…we are bored.
So what do we do?
Instead of picking up the phone or going outside on our front porch and having a friendly conversation six feet away from our neighbor and chatting openly and honestly about what we feel and think and have heard…
We click a button called “Share”.
We “repost” another person’s ideas that closely aligns with our own.
We throw our thoughts and ideas out there hoping for connection.
We hope for the best, but expect the worst.
We feel encouraged by those who agree and like our post.
We feel deflated and angry by the ones who argue and talk about their viewpoints that directly or indirectly go against our own.
We feel validated by those who agree with us and vindicated in never speaking to people who disagree with us again.
Even when those people are OUR FAMILY!
Even when those people are close friends we love.
Even when those people had never meant us no harm before this conversation, this post, this thread.
But now. Now they’ve gone and done it. It’s SO over!
Guys, we have become so incredibly polarized, haven’t we?
I truly believe “social distancing” is making us socially awkward.
But this was a problem long before these orders went into place.
This was a problem long before quarantined lockdown.
Being isolated just made it all that much more apparent and tangible.
Don’t you see it?
We have moved past the point of decent, human interaction into a state of isolated, angry chaos.
And here’s the kicker:
I don’t care what side of things you’re on, there’s one thing I do know: if you all came to my house and sat around a table together over good food and wine, you’d laugh off your differences and cherish the bond of your relationship more than the side you are on.
I guarantee it.
You would.
How do I know this?
This is ALMOST ALWAYS the case, Friend.
I can be angry, hurt, frustrated, disappointed very easily with someone if I have lost a regular connection with them. In my mind, I’ve conjured up all these ideas about what’s really going on, why they’re avoiding me, what I said the last time we were together, why they didn’t “like” my post or reply to my message and that they must not be interested in still being my friend…or maybe they never were?
You may be thinking, “Good grief! What a whack job!” Or, you may be laughing by this point because you can relate.
But here’s the thing…almost ALWAYS, once we reconnect and chat again — usually in person — I’m reminded of the close bond we have and realize that all of my foolish hypotheticals were just in my head. And even if there was some unresolved tension or situation that needed to be discussed and resolved, it doesn’t take long, in person, to rectify the wrong and resume our relationship in a much stronger place than it was before.
Just recently, for instance, before the Coronavirus hit us and threw us into an isolated state of crazy, I had been feeling a bit agitated and sad over a friendship that I felt had gone a bit south. This friend and I had shared a lot of beautiful memories together and I felt a true kinship with her. But life got busy. Our worlds separated a bit. Invitations didn’t get accepted. Calls didn’t get returned. And before I knew it, I was feeling, well, icky and hurt and confused. I dwelt on it a bit, griped about her unresponsiveness to myself, felt tempted to write her off…and then, finally, enough was enough. I got up the courage and finally texted her and said, “We need to talk.” When we talked on the phone that afternoon, my feelings spilled out and she immediately told me all that had been going on in her life and how badly she felt that she had been so distant, but that she really loved me and missed me. She apologized for her lack of attention to our friendship and assured me she meant no harm. We hashed it out, so to speak, and that day, we mended what could have otherwise been lost.
Two months after that cathartic phone call, this same friend’s mother died unexpectedly. When she texted to tell me the sad news, I immediately called her and we sat and cried together. I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I sincerely felt her pain. I ached with her. We bonded over our grief yet again. But I would have never ever been able to be that person for her and feel that deep connection, had I allowed the hurt I was feeling just two months before to create a wedge and sever our friendship. Never.
Guys, I speak from a place of a lot of past conflict — both real and in my head. Both deliberately intended and completely unintended. I have lived to experience a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, break-ups, distancing, and messed up situations that caused me to lose sleep over how someone allegedly treated me or how I allegedly treated them. It’s sad but true. And I’m almost positive I’m not alone.
But unlike many people I know who seem to just write people — even FAMILY MEMBERS — off, because of their differing views or annoying habits, or hurt feelings or misunderstandings, I have learned, over time and a lot of reflection and prayer, that none of this conflict, imagined or real, was ever worth the price of the relationship itself. Ever.
So, I challenge you. I challenge myself: Give up strife. Give up resentment. Give up anger.
You can feel passionate about something and take a stand. I feel passionate about a lot of things.
You can still disagree with someone and love them. Isn’t that what we’re called to do?
You can still hold onto your views. Heck, you can even feel very dignified in having them. You can vehemently disagree over some hot topics and laugh over coffee. It’s possible. People used to do it all the time.
Don’t you remember?
This inability to disagree and still be closely bonded in our relationships is, quite literally, killing us more than any virus ever could. We are feeling isolated, defeated, hatred, animosity, anger, and it’s all justified.
But no matter what side of things you indignantly stand on, the need to be right over kind never got anybody anywhere.
So, if the state of things is just really getting to you and you hate that you feel so isolated and angry, call up a friend and talk to them — either on the phone or from a distance. Work out your issues. Resolve the tension. Make peace with the people you love before it eats away at you.
I promise you’ll be glad you did.
“He who loves transgression loves strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.”
Proverbs 17:19
by Amy | Jul 8, 2019 | mama confessions, Mom on the Fringe, struggle
This past weekend marked two weeks of being back on U.S. soil in the comfort of our own home and routine and daily activities, but I have to tell you something: I’m still struggling.
What am I struggling with exactly?
Well, everything.
For one, I haven’t managed to get back into my daily workout routine (which I so desperately crave and need). I typically wake up early (like it or not) and go to my 5am HIIT class Monday thru Thursday, so I can get it over with and enjoy the rest of my day. Normally, that 4:30am wake-up call feels natural and although I may, at times, be tired and not quite ready for it, I’m eager to get up and move. But since I returned from our trip, all I want to do is lie there in bed contemplating getting up but not actually doing it. Most days, I sleep right through the alarm.
In addition to being off with my workout routine, I just miss our beloved Austria, and being back in Texas feels like a slap in the face. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for all we have here, yes, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still ache and yearn for our country and all the people in it that we left behind. I feel like the kid who comes in from the cold outside and won’t take his coat off and allow himself to relax and stay a while. I just want to stay in that place…in those memories just a while longer, and a big part of me never wants to take my coat off and stay.
Truthfully, I didn’t really have a plan in mind for this post. What I did not plan to do was lament, vent and whine about the fact that I’m back home and don’t wanna be. All I know is that my head is spinning and I needed to write. But more importantly, I need to get back into my routines again.
What I’ve found out throughout my life, but also again this year, in a big way, was that we thrive within routines. And whether we like them or not, we need routines to stay our course and continue on the path that leads us where we inevitably need to go.
Last year, in 2018, my word for the year was “Discipline”. I’ve written and talked on my podcast about this before, but I always felt like I lacked discipline to do the things I knew I needed to do, and that was something I knew I needed to change. And so, there I was, fumbling around, trying to learn the art of discipline and create the habits that I knew would benefit me in the long run. Those habits are arbitrary for anyone but me to know, but I do know that I felt happy when I began to incorporate them into my life each and every day, regardless of how I felt about doing them.
That said, I want to commit this second week of July to getting back into routines that help me stay sane and think and feel at my best and help my family feel healthier and happier too. There comes a time that, while we may think we want to coast through the days and weeks of summer without a routine, we desperately need expectation and a schedule that gives us a framework for our days and weeks ahead.
I’ll be sitting down today mapping that out and seeing what that looks like for us. I’m happy to share it with those of you who would like some help getting your summer schedule in place as well.
In any case, thanks for reading! I appreciate you and value your time. If you’re struggling with having a working summer schedule, just know you’re not alone!
xo, Amy
by Amy | Jun 30, 2019 | mama confessions, Mom on the Fringe, travel
Boy, getting back to writing after a long hiatus is rough! I hadn’t planned to check out for this long, Friends. (I’m sorry!!!) It just happened when I found myself alone in a one-bedroom apartment in Vienna, Austria with my 3 kids for 3 1/2 weeks, and it didn’t get better once my husband arrived and we spent the remaining two weeks full speed ahead seeing friends and family and doing all the things we wanted to do before we left.
When we first arrived in Vienna, I had created a routine that worked well for me. I would sneak my laptop open and write before the kids woke up from their jetlagged stupor. But as the temperatures got warmer, and the kids began to acclimate to the time zone, it became more and more challenging to fit ANYTHING ELSE but eating, showering and corralling the kids into our full days of sightseeing and visiting friends. Also, as my kids became more familiar with our environment, my only goal became survival and noise control! #thestrugglewasreal #peaceforthewin
However, all that aside…I’m back! And I’m so excited to be able to write again in my own space back home. Kinda. However, that said, I should inform you that at this very moment, that includes sharing a living room with my 10-year old son who decided to wake up and immediately turn on The Amazing World of Gumball full blast. Why do cartoons have to be so loud?!?!?!?!?! Or why do my children feel the need to watch t.v. as if they are 89-year-old men who refuse to wear their hearing aids?!
But I digress…
I’m happy to say that our trip to Austria was glorious and wonderful and everything I imagined it would be. Sure, there were a few kinks in the road like my in-laws not being as warm or welcoming as we would have expected and needing my 3…THREEEEEE children to be as quiet, still and peaceful as possible every time we visited! #forthelove There was also unrelenting heat which made living with no air conditioning a real challenge for my little Texans. My kids also wore out much sooner during our outings than I thought they would have–especially considering ALLLLLL the energy they constantly seem to have otherwise. Regardless of any issues that will inevitably pop up during a 6-week excursion with children (and in-laws), it was a long overdue trip for sure, and we are already talking about how we can get back there again soon and change our lifestyle here in Texas to reflect our priorities and values of trying to do things like this more often.
The simple fact of the matter is we’ve accumulated too much stuff. We’ve settled in to our home here a little too much. We’ve adapted to the Texas way of life too much. But none of it really, if I’m being honest, reflects what we want, who we are, and what we’re about.
What our family is about boils down to a few things…two of which are:
- We are foreigners here. And while we love certain aspects of Texas and want to adapt to our surroundings as much as possible, it isn’t natural that we put down our roots here. Our human nature begs to put our roots down somewhere and settle in, for sure, but in doing so, we tend to lose the pull that beckons us back home and connects us to the people we have left behind. It divides us from our home. And that, for us, is a problem.
- We love to travel. But even more than that, we love to see and go and do. We’ve learned that about ourselves and our kids a million times over, but our lifestyle (and my homebody, neat freak nature) prohibits us from doing that as often as we should. As much as we think we love being home, keeping a tidy house (me!!), decorating our home (me!!!), planting a garden (me!!!) and maintaining what we have, what really gives us (me!!) the most joy is being around others and seeing and experiencing new things!
Isn’t it funny how that works? You can think that your priorities are totally aligned with the life you want for yourself and your family, but when you take a long, hard look at your life, while away from it for a few weeks, you realize that it misses the mark in reflecting your priorities and dreams for your family.
So, where do we go from here? How do we navigate this need for a different, simpler, low maintenance, carefree lifestyle that we so crave? How do we purposely not fall into the trap of Texas suburban living where accumulation of things and a “crazy busy”, always-hurried schedule reign supreme?
Do we have to accept the status quo and adopt the values and priorities of those around us?! Is it just an “adulting” part of life that we need to give up the very things that make us who we are and fill our hearts with joy so we can adapt and fit in and live out happy existences within our surroundings?
I don’t know how to figure all this out in one blog post, Folks, but I’m here to give it my solid 100 over the course of the next few weeks and months.
Right now, I’m definitely seeing with my very eyes, as I look all around my house, the need to be settled, organized and all comfy in our own space sharply contrasting in the most overwhelming way with the need to be free from it all, fully mobile and wild at heart.
I know this much is true (cue Spandau Ballet, sorry!): I recognized from the start that I was not cut out for the constant rat race of switching out decor every few weeks for a new holiday or season, over-scheduling ourselves in extracurricular commitments or opting to be home organizing and maintaining my space over cultivating deeper relationships and experiencing the world to its fullest. My husband and I, and now our kids, just GOTTA SEE THE WORLD!
And this, my friends, is the crux of my very existence. If I’m being honest, which I am, this is where my head space is about 95% of the time. It’s not a fun space to be in, per se, but at least our wonderful trip back to our roots in Austria showed me why I feel this way, and hopefully the months ahead will show me and my family what to do about it.
by Amy | Feb 28, 2019 | mama confessions
Tonight, on my way to church choir rehearsal, I listened to a podcast episode that talked about blogging as a profession, and it really drew me in. I’m an avid reader and an entrepreneur at heart, so I’ve listened to many podcasts and read a great deal about blogging before this episode, but for some reason, tonight’s talk dotted all the “i”s and crossed all the “t”s for me to really begin to take this little hobby seriously. The blogger being interviewed was a child psychologist by profession, but she found her true passion through blogging about crafting. She explained how becoming a child psychologist was just a path she thought she should follow, but she was never really that jazzed about it. It never really lit her up or fulfilled her. When she started blogging, she discovered that she really felt alive, and eventually, despite all of her formal, rigorous education, she gave everything up she had known to become a professional blogger.
I can so relate to this woman in a lot of ways. I guess the main difference between her story and my own is that I followed the path of music teacher/singer as opposed to some conventional, sure-to-make-an-actual-paycheck profession, and for a time, that path did light me up, despite how unpromising it was in terms of actually being able to pay rent with the money I earned from it. (ha!)
Truth be told, I’ve always loved the music. I loved the art form of singing and relaying someone else’s message through song and making it my own. I loved the profession of musician, or, at least I thought I did. Or maybe I just liked the illusion of it. Have you ever heard someone say, “So and so was in love with the idea of marriage more than the person he or she actually married”? Don’t get me wrong — I’ve always loved music and learning how to make it. And I’d like to think I’m pretty good at singing by this point in my life. I’ve also enjoyed honing my craft and working with amazing teachers and coaches. From the time I was a little girl I was always singing. I was even brave enough to sing in front of our huge church congregation a number of times and try out for every possible school musical or solo. I took voice lessons as early as middle school and on into high school. I was in all the high school choirs and even competed nationally and won an award with our high school ensemble! There was a time I even composed music and dreamed of being a worship leader or having my own record. And then, of course, I studied music in college and got, not one, but two degrees in music!!
But, as time has gone by over the years, as I’ve gotten older and I’ve had children, the pomp and circumstance of it all has worn off. That’s the big kicker, isn’t it? HAVING CHILDREN is the deciding factor above all deciding factors regarding whether or not something is worth your time…or not. Since I’ve had my kids, I’ve just realized that, while I love singing and love teaching, the hoopla and grandiose feelings they once brought me have been reduced to just sort of meh at best and downright resentment at worst…mainly because of the commitment level and times of day that these activities tend to happen: Evenings and weekends — a.k.a. times when my kids are home — a.k.a. times I want to be with them and they want to be with me (at least for now).
But take blogging, for instance, and I can tell you that literally every time I hear about it or read something about becoming a blogger as a profession, it lights me up and brings tears to my eyes in as much the same way as music always has (and by the way, these are good tears!). I haven’t really thought about why this is, but now that I really contemplate it, I think it has something to do with the similarities blogging actually shares with music. When you’re singing or even teaching, you’re giving a part of yourself away. You’re sharing your most vulnerable self with your audience, and you take a huge risk in what they will think of you after you share it. But the point is not what they think of you as much as it is the fact that you shared it. Does that make sense? I can honestly say, after singing for many years as well as teaching singers, the authentic sharing of yourself is something so few people in this world actually get to experience, but it honestly makes you feel so alive. It’s like you’re saying to the universe, “I’m putting myself out there, like it or leave it, but this is me. This is who I am and I’m not apologizing for it anymore.” I did not mean to start an earworm from The Greatest Showman here, but if you feel like singing that song to yourself, by all means…you may pause now from reading this and sing your heart out.
There. Are you back? Feelin’ good? Awesome.
As I was saying…I feel that blogging is, in many ways, like what I’ve always done as a singer. But with blogging, I can choose when I write and you can choose when you will read what I have to say instead of me having to stand in a cold theater until 10 or 11pm rehearsing night after night while my kids are being read their bedtime stories and tucked in without me there.
One thing I know for certain is it makes me really emotional when I think about lives I can impact and people I can reach with this vehicle called a blog. And when I get highly emotional I usually know it’s because this…right here…is what I’m made to do.
So, without going into my whole bio, which you can read in the “Bio” section of this blog, I wanted to just bullet list all the things I’m interested in discussing here and speaking to groups of women about, the reason I really need to get my words out there for others to read/hear, learn from and hopefully relate to, and the main focus or shape I hope it will eventually take on.
Here goes:
- Embracing Imperfection. For starters, I’m not at all even close to near perfect and neither is this blog. Although I’ll do my best, you might have a hard time finding Pinterest-worthy photos here. I guarantee you I’ll mess up on some things and raise my hand to show you how much I’ve messed up, because, I’m still learning and have a long way to go. The point is, we all do! And my mistakes and learning process can hopefully show you that you, too, can learn how to do things you don’t currently know how to do.
- Intercultural Marriage. I’m married to an Austrian. Which means my kids are half-Austrian. And we live in Texas. Far far away from any of our family and friends we grew up with. Sometimes, we feel really isolated and lonely. Our household can get kinda funny and quirky with our intercultural marriage and family dynamics. Things get misunderstood often. I also correct my husband’s grammar often, which, thankfully, he’s learned to accept and be a good sport about. But it has its challenges.
- Being an Artist. I never used to consider myself an artist, but I most definitely am. And we have temperaments and feel many times like we’re going crazy. I want to explore resources on how to channel that artistic nature and teach my kids to do the same. I also want to explore topics about living a balanced life as an artist, a creative being, who is also a very busy Mommy.
- Motherhood and All Its Glory. I love being a Mommy to 3 sweet and very charming and challenging kids. They keep me on my toes. I love them with my whole heart, and I mess up a lot with them too. I struggle with my temper, and patience, boredom, and having genuine interest in what they’re telling me for the 10th time, and yet, when I look at them, I’m astounded by how quickly they are growing and how wonderful God has made them. I also want to explore topics about screen time for kids, self-care/me-time, preoccupation with our own devices and unhealthy relationships with food, alcohol and spending money we don’t have as coping mechanisms.
- Being Content. Man, this is a hot topic, but it’s one I feel like needs to be talked about more in our day and age. We are not content. We are constantly looking outside of ourselves and comparing our lives with those around us. We are constantly wishing things were different and guilty of thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
- My Decluttering and Organizing Journey. It never seems to end, but I think I’m finally getting the hang of it after two solid years of doing it nonstop. I’ll talk here about how letting go of things and organizing our home has made a huge impact on how I see the world around me and how I show up for my family.
- God. Last but certainly not least, I want to share my faith with you here and there. But this is not all the blog will be about. Not because it’s not THE most important thing to me ever, but because I want to hold it sacred and also respect my readers and their differing opinions. First of all, I don’t know all the answers. I just know a few. And I want to steer away from political or controversial issues on this blog, so it’s not something I’m going to go into depth with. But I do believe in Him and I take my faith and His power (not my own) very seriously.
And this is just the beginning of some things I want to really spend time diving into and discussing in our community here.
I also want to cover some fun areas of personal interest that I happen to enjoy and maybe even know quite a bit about:
- Singing. It’s what I’ve done my whole life, and it brings me so much joy. I’ll share basic insights on singing, how much it’s brought to my life and how important it is that I still do it — even though trying to fit it in has become more and more challenging over the years.
- Cooking. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but I love making a meal my kids and my husband and I can equally enjoy! I also love making and eating meals that have a lot of flavor, but not a lot of calories. Even though our family doesn’t adhere to any strict guidelines regarding food, I want to explore healthier options that everyone loves as well as our family’s journey on a path of no longer eating fast food. Yikes! Did I just write that outloud?
- Bargain shopping. It’s one of the best kept secrets that I’ll share with you! I’m not only a great bargain shopper, but I, along with my husband’s help, am learning ways that our family can find amazing deals on things we need (and want) and actually even resell some of our items to earn a profit. Guys, it’s not hard! I’ll show you how you can earn extra money and save buying just about anything way below MSRP.
- Refinishing and Reupholstering Furniture. It’s not as hard as you might think! I got into refinishing furniture by attempting to refinish the table and chairs I inherited from my grandparents. While that specific project has been given the not-so-endearing name of “the neverending project from hell” (sorry, Lord), I have actually enjoyed picking up other pieces whenever and wherever I can find them and refinishing those to resell or brighten up a room in my own home. Another potential income source! I have also tried my hand at reupholstering seat cushions, and one day, I hope to learn more about reupholstering even more elaborate pieces. My Uncle Chris and my brother-in-law, Larry, are upholsterers, and I’ve always wished I lived nearer to them, so they could show me the ropes. For now, I’m relying on books, YouTube and my own trial and error to teach myself how to reupholster. It’s fun and the best part is, if you don’t like it, you can always try again!
- International Travel. I explore places that may not seem as accessible and fun as they actually are. I’ll talk about what you and your family can do there and how to plan for it. I also talk about the differences in cultures and how to prepare for those differences before you even begin to pack your bags. Bon Voyage!!
- Hand Lettering and Illustration. I have just started learning about this in the past year, but I absolutely love it and want to teach you how to do it too! I’ll share my own techniques and challenges I continue to work on, tools I use to make it easier and what resources I use to get better and learn even more!
- Helping Small Businesses. Guys, this is no joke. I literally LOVE looking at small business practices and helping small businesses grow and be all they can be. I’m not a guru or an expert in this. It’s just something I thoroughly enjoy. I think I have something to offer and it’s something I plan to do more of as time goes on. Wow. There. I said it.
- How an MLM has changed my life. Seriously. I know this causes some people to run for the hills. So, honestly, and I mean that, I’m not going to talk about it all that much other than to say that I WORK WITH THE BEST COMPANY OUT THERE!! No, but seriously. I love working with R+F, and I am so grateful for what it’s done for me and my family — let alone, my skin!! But even more than the company, I love my team that constantly encourages and uplifts one another, and even more than all of that, I love the confidence and all I’ve learned from doing this business. It’s truly been a blessing that fell into my lap!
- Fitness. How much I hate it, but how much developing the discipline to workout has changed my life and made my body strong, but also my mind.
So, there’s a mouthful right there! In a nutshell, this is who I am. I am someone who never gets bored (how could I?) — at least with things I could be learning or doing. I’m always striving to be better and learn more about whatever it is I’m doing. I never want to tire of learning. To me, opening up a book or taking a class is one of the most fulfilling activities I personally could ever engage in. I’d take a class before I’d go to the movies. I’d read a book about how to do something before I’d read a novel.
Anyway, that’s about it.
Looking forward to sharing with you!
xoxo,
Amy
by Amy | Feb 26, 2019 | mama confessions
I have some posts in my head. But I can’t write them now. I need more time. I need more focus. Right now feels foggy and blurry and heavy. Right now, I’m at the edge of a cliff overlooking some decisions that will change our family’s lives — hopefully for the better. But they’re hard decisions that I need time and mental space to focus on.
Friends, if you’ve known me for a while, you know I love to write, and this blog has been my on again off again baby for several years. As I’m driving, as I’m cleaning, as I’m falling asleep and as I’m waking up, I am thinking about conversations I want to have with this blog and issues I want to settle for myself and for others once and for all. I’ve got…high hopes!
The post I wanted to write today was about my little sabotagers. Sometimes, those little sabotagers are my sweet little kids who decide for whatever reason not to go to school and take up my whole day with their requests for more yogurt or that candy stash in the back of the pantry.
Other sabotagers are things like notifications on my phone that pop up when I’m trying to work and voluntary impulses to check and see what’s happening on Facebook or Instagram for “just a minute”.
The other post that’s been reeling over and over again in my brain has to do with “me time” and what that looks like. How we, as moms, do need to practice self care and take time for ourselves, but how that can become an idol in and of itself. This is a post I did a talk on with a MOPS group in Round Rock, and tears were flowing, Baby!!
The other thing I wanted to address (man, I’ve got a lot of ideas) in an upcoming post is how much we moms are hearing the message that we can “do it all” and “have it all”…but I feel we really sacrifice some important things in our lives if we don’t recognize what we’re actually giving up to achieve this.
And lastly, for now anyways, is the post I want to write about being your authentic self and not falling for the ideas, attitudes, fashion sense, interests and home decor ideals we see in others within either our current social setting or what we think things should look like based on what we see on Pinterest.
Lots of ideas and input here, my friends. And I can’t wait for you to tune in and share your thoughts with me.
xoxo,
Amy
by Amy | Feb 24, 2019 | mama confessions
This morning I woke up a lot like most mornings here lately. I have been feeling really uncertain about how I should be living, working, creating, parenting, wife-ing and how I should proceed in just about everything I’ve been doing up til now.
Truth be told, I’m super frustrated with being in limbo. I know there are possibilities, but I’ve felt stuck and uncertain for far too long.
This past weekend, I was supposed to have performed with Conspirare and the Austin Symphony in the Brahms Requiem at the Long Center here in Austin, TX. However, the week prior to a long week of rehearsals and two back-to-back performances, I came down with a viral infection that zapped my energy, then my voice and later, my lungs.
I was really bummed out and emotional about not being able to perform, but the whole incident caused me to take a step back and evaluate what I was really doing with all of this and where it was taking me. I’ll explain:
Up til 2016, when my husband and I went through our “crisis of a lifetime,” working and trying to continue singing wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Yes, I missed singing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shot through the heart every time a former colleague would post their singing experiences in front of me on social media. I know. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. But it was hard. However, I felt I had adjusted nicely to the role of stay-at-home-and-pour-everything-you’ve-got-into-your-kids Mom. I really embraced it actually. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that role with any endeavor that took away from them — even if it meant sacrificing a huge piece of me — singing!
Fast forward to now. I now have 3 youngish kids. I say youngish, because they aren’t babies anymore. They are 10, 7 and 5 and able to put on their own clothes, wipe their own butts and sass at us if they don’t like what we’ve asked them to do. In many ways, it feels like we’ve achieved a certain level of freedom after 10 years of being in the baby phase of being up all night, changing diapers and toddlers walking around trying to kill themselves and destroy everything around them. But we aren’t out of the woods just yet. As much as I would love to sing and be a part of amazing, creative ventures out there in the world, my role as a mother to these kids is far more important (and in many ways, urgent) than the role I play as a singer.
There are so many ideas on this, and I don’t wish to be controversial. I know we women have as much of a right to pursue our dreams and goals as men do. But I think we, as mothers of young and even youngish children, have a special, and very important mission: To train our children in the way they should go. And I also feel that this time we are required to do that goes by so quickly. Why miss out because we have a right?!
So, here’s my current goal: to honor God in raising my children in the way they should go. Even if that means putting aside my dreams and goals or pursuing those dreams and goals on the fringe of our lives and not during prime time hours of our days or weekends when they are home, still under my roof and really want to be with me. Call me soft. Call me a wimp. Tell me anything you want to tell me about how I should do what I have been gifted to do. But I know what I know. And that is that God has gifted me with these 3 beautiful children I love with all my heart. And if I trust God with His will for my life, I know He will make it all work together for good if I do my job as a Mom to the best of my ability.
For me, that means not spreading myself too thin. It means saying “no” sometimes to things I’d love to be a part of. It means sacrificing my dreams for His higher purpose. And don’t be fooled into thinking working Moms who do it all aren’t sacrificing something. It all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice, right? If I’m out there pursuing my dreams as a singer, I may be doing what I want to do and filling my cup in some way, but I’m also sacrificing being there for my kids who still need me to be there for them. I sacrifice time away from my husband. I sacrifice a peaceful home. I sacrifice rest.
So, anytime you’re tempted to believe that the women out there who are “doing it all” actually “have it all” without sacrificing some pretty important things, stop for a minute and really think about it. Then break down what it looks like for you to pursue your dreams at this moment.
The best advice I got recently when I was lamenting over this was from an elderly friend who also had a singing career prior to having children. She said that she never regretted taking the time off from singing to raise her children. But she would have really regretted not being there for her children — even if it meant singing on the greatest stages in all the world.
I believe her.
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